dope-hot-damn

after seeing a family video from when i was around 16, i did a quick comparison of my figure then and now…i was a size 3/4 then…i JUST went shopping and i just bought a pair of size 10 jeans.  that’s drastic…i understand that my figure has since changed…i was a teenager who could eat anything i want and not gain a pound…now, i’m a woman who deals with my emotions, mostly the painful emotions by numbing myself through feeling bloated by eating…regardless of how this came about, it is what i’ve been dealing with since i was around 30 years old…my goal now is to focus on tending to my emotions differently…instead of eating, i have to find another way to address the things that hurt or bother me…its not a problem when i’m motivated…but when i’m unmotivated…it becomes a battle.  the only one i defeat is myself.  i want to focus on this now and understand how i can be good to myself…its paralyzing to feel this way…similar to how others feel this way about cigarettes or alcohol, except with me, it’s food.  i have been better about the quality of food i eat and cooking meals myself…its those days when things get to me that i tend to fall.  it isn’t easy but i am ready to face it.  head on.  emotions, training, and will power…and this time, i want to knock the demon out for good.