This is Kinda Scary
I’m really wanting to put on some muscle…upper body mainly…which entails making the scale go up and maybe having to buy a bigger size clothing…now to guys, putting on muscle, that’s a good thing and you might not think too much about it. However, being a women programmed by society starting at a very early age to gauge her appearances by her clothing size and, coupled with the fact that weight has been an ongoing struggle in my adult life (though I’m confident I have it more than under control now), this is a scary thought.
I mean, I just spent the last year and a half or so getting rid of 70 pounds. Now I want to put some back on???? It scares me a little. What if I don’t do it "right" and I gain all fat, no muscle???? What are people gonna think when I start gaining weight? Will they whisper behind my back…"I knew she couldn’t stay thin forever"…."that’s what happens when you start eating again"…."she must of stopped working out"….blah, blah, blah….????
Ok…don’t want to blow it out of proportion, but I have had those thoughts going through my mind a little. I know though, without a doubt, that I will do this right by continuing to eat clean, just more of it. AND, even if I do gain a little bit of fat with it, I know how to eat/workout to take it off when I’m ready. AND…I’ve NEVER been one to care too much what other people think anyway…so I enter the next phase of my journey facing a little bit of fear (isn’t that how you conquer fear, face it head-on?), but otherwise ready to gain some weight or as my trainer says…get jacked!!!
Gotta admit I’m a little excited too…ok, a LOT excited 
August 6, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Funny, I just asked the question on a new thread.
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=4017163
The point is, muscle weight is smaller than fat weight. So you can gain 20 lbs of muscle, and it’s only like 6-10 lbs of fat. You can be really strong, and only a little bigger than you are now.
As far as people judging you by dress size or body shape and size. Get over it. You will be beautiful to people in the know. Yes, it’s a different shape than societal norm, but it is the right healthy shape. Anyone who harasses you about it, is jealous.
Don’t worry about dress size, you’ll never fit into off the rack, everything will need to be tailored. If you don’t have it tailored, it will fit the upper body, and hang like a mumu below that. Welcome to your new body.
August 7, 2007 at 7:56 am
Well this all sounds very exciting and I think it is natural to have those thoughs like you said based on what we have been taught as girls all of our life. You get to bulk though… How fun. Good luck through it and keep us updated on how it goes. Also I wanted to thank you for reading my posts. =) Its always nice to know someone is listening.