scorpion42’s BodyBlog

I Read a blog recently that really hit home for me.She was saying exactly what I have been feeling.

Recently I have faced all kinds of inner Demons,mental,physical and emotional. Major doubts have entered my mind.

"Just give up now and go back to the old ways,back to my nice comfortable life".Then I realize it wasn’t nice and comfortable.That’s why 12 yrs ago I made the change because I didn’t want to be the over weight mom,the mom with the square butt,no waist,looking older than I was.Why am I now after 12 yrs having such a tuff time pulling myself together! I’ve fallen off the food wagon before a couple days here and there.And I must admit I feel as though I’m getting back the fire I used to have in my tummy.The training is not where I mess up .I definately train hard.As I’m writing this I’m trying to work it out in my head.An ya no what! What always nags at the back of my head is feeling like I can’t be involved in social  gathering  because it always involves food,which then leads to (I know call me crazy") But i’m just laying it out.My kids bum out ,my husband bums out, my MOM,yes even mom."Oh just have a little ,live a little enjoy yourself" Ahhhhhhhh!!And then when I don’t eat it I feel like  a bad mom ,bad wife… cause I get why can’t you just let up for this one time..mom…wifey….Because if I do, I can’t reel myself in,THAT"S WHY!! because I start saying "Well I’ll just eat bad today(Now that I’ve let the inner beast out")Then I eat till I’m sick because I’m going to shut myself off tomorrow…… and then tomorrow comes and I can’t shut the  beast down and then the next day ,and the next and then it’s 10 lbs up and I’m pissed off.They don’t get it.And then I just feel bad about it all. So how do I fix this crazy cycle  I’ve fallen into ?HMMM

Ok,I’m going to embrace my voluptuous side till the  1st of Janurary.I’m always fighting this battle of "I want more muscle,I need to be really lean"Constant battle.So I’m definately going to keep eating clean,but give myself a cheat day on Saturday(And not beat myself up after I do it).Add more carbs during the week so I have more energy to lift heavy.Thanks again to Mr Montana and the words of wisdom he left for ( Christina) Hwy 2 hottie.It really helped me put things into perspective.I was starting to lose the passion I had always had  for exercise and eating well.It was because I lost direction and was driving aimlessly with  out a clear plan.I haven’t downloaded any knew pics in a while mostly because I felt  I was not good enough.I am ! I work hard and have been thru alot of peaks and valley’s in the past couple of years and I still got up every day and went to the gym .So I’m hoping to post my voluptuous side this weekend.:)