scorpion42’s BodyBlog

Ok,I’m going to embrace my voluptuous side till the  1st of Janurary.I’m always fighting this battle of "I want more muscle,I need to be really lean"Constant battle.So I’m definately going to keep eating clean,but give myself a cheat day on Saturday(And not beat myself up after I do it).Add more carbs during the week so I have more energy to lift heavy.Thanks again to Mr Montana and the words of wisdom he left for ( Christina) Hwy 2 hottie.It really helped me put things into perspective.I was starting to lose the passion I had always had  for exercise and eating well.It was because I lost direction and was driving aimlessly with  out a clear plan.I haven’t downloaded any knew pics in a while mostly because I felt  I was not good enough.I am ! I work hard and have been thru alot of peaks and valley’s in the past couple of years and I still got up every day and went to the gym .So I’m hoping to post my voluptuous side this weekend.:)

It was my Birthday,I ate cake.I feel like s@#%.The END

Had another hit about 4wks ago so needless to say the show is off. The past few weeks I’ve drowned my sorrows in  bad eating.Obviously that did not help the cause.I  pulled my self together and I am setting my sights on spring.I really have to stop being so hard on myself.I’ve never had to pull out of a show before so failure  didn’t set well with me.I’m working on a knew game plan.Part of it is to see that as important as fitness and health is to me I also need to to have a healthy attitude towards set backs ( Cause Lord knows they keep on coming)LOL.I thought about  just quitting!  the workouts, the diet all of it,but would I be happy then? Hell NO!!!!This is so much a part of me.It starts my day off.At the end of my work out I feel so energized,so freakin  happy!! Why would I give that up? Crazy girl!Keep dancing  girl and find the right groove.Your not a quitter ,just a little beatup.Get a band aid and  just keep moving forward

6 wks out! I think I’m going to make it.I was going to give it to the 12th of Sept if I didn’t see what I wanted to see then I was just going to keep on working and do a show next season.I got up this morning and I was like "YES"!!!!I’m so HAPPY:)It looks like I’ll make Oct 10th YEHA!!!

I had another amazing leg workout this morning .I want some kick-a$$ legs! Yup that’s the plan!!Love that feeling of knowing that you gave 100% .That tight ,burning ,wobbly,leg feeling will bring incredible gains.

This morning while I was at the gym ,a girl that I haven’t seen in probably a year came in.She used to be an early bird like myself, But now I guess goes to the gym later in the morning.I was sooo tired that I decided to get a couple extra hrs sleep and go in later.Well anyways,I’m on the stairmill(Sparkie I think of you and level 18 amazing!!)and I get the hairy eye ball .I’m not bothered by it,it actually makes me giggle to myself.Each person she talks to  I get more hairy eye ball.It actually makes me feel bad  for her to think that she has so little confidence that she does this .It doesn’t bother me I work too hard and know who I am and I’m proud of what I see.All it  does is make me stand taller and walk like a peacock.hehe.I remember when I was pregnant with my 3rd child.(I’m at the gym  mind you).I here someone say "wow T is gonna have  a big baby"She’s all,"that’s not baby  that’s fat"Well,well Miss Darby "How Do Ya Like Me Now"Confidence is key!Some times I have to reel it in,not often though. 

I gotta get some knew pics up.Pretty proud of my legs these days really beating the crap outta them over the past couple of months and I think I’ve made a significant change in them especially the lagging Hams.A picture tells a thousand words so I guess I need to bit e the bullet and get to it .CHEESE!!!

Damn soooo hungry today.I hate that!! So focused though,just need to stay busy so I don’t watch the clock  wondering ,hmmmm ,time to eat yet "Not yet girl " Only been 20 min.AHHH!!! Makes it for a long day.I can do it.There’s another girl out there dieting for the same show remember that T".Lean ,mean ,machine….lean,mean ,machine .Just keep saying that"

Just need to say it and then keep pushing.Today I’m feeling a little frustrated so i figured if I just vent a little .My workouts are  intense my diet is perfect and I’m feeling like things just aren’t changing at the rate I would like . I want to do this show soooo bad.I want to look amazing and do well.I know we can be our own worst critic,but still.I’m not giving up I guess it’s just one of those days.Maybe tomorrow my legs wil look better ,My shoulders will  look better.Everything  will look better because it’s a knew day and maybe my magic mirror will tell me what I want to hear."Mirror Mirror on the wall" LOL.I just needed to say it.

I haven’t wrote much about this lately,but my youngest son Joe had  a check up today with the liver Doc.He’s been having some issues.I’ve been TRYING not to stress about it,BUT I am a mom.Luckily the issues that he’s been having are an easy fix (Thank you GOD).Since Joe got Diagnosed with Liver disease My plan of action has been to find joy in my day know matter what.Doesn’t have to be all day just a moment even.And remeber the moment that brought me joy ,like don’t brush it off girl ,cause that moment matters. Prior to this I would always focus and bitch about all the sucky stuff that happened during the day. Ain’t worth it and I don’t put my energy there any more.He’s such a good little boy .Does what the nurses and Doc tell him and rarely ever cry’s about it.Then he comes home sits down with his lego guys and humms,hmmm,hmmm,hmmm,while he plays.How lucky am I !!!! At 4 he’s taught me so many lessons.