sborton84’s BodyBlog

I’m finding it really hard to let go of someone that I should and truly need to let go of. I find myself giving out so much of my heart to people, sometimes without much thought, & end up getting hurt in the end. Story of my life.

And as I get older, my skin has grown thicker. This person has hurt me in a way that I cannot describe. Everytime I box, run, do my pushups, military situps, whatever - I picture him. Why is my body looking better? I have this person to thank. Anger fuels my workouts like nothing ever has before. 

I sit in my little dress in my membership office, smile at people, say "good day," etc. They think I am so nice, innocent, and humble. I wish I was some of those things - I could use more humility. But lately, my confidence is off the roof. I feel unstoppable. I do what it takes to get this body. What it takes is what some of you would probably consider verging on some sort of eating or compulsive exercise disorder. I have quite the slow metabolism and I eat next to nothing. Literally a couple cans of chicken a day, some celery, and hours of cardio. Box and sprint like a mad woman. Lift weights every day. I don’t care how hungry or how much pain I feel. I love every second of it and I’m completely addicted to doing whatever it takes to get to where I want to be. Pretty close, but this last little bit is going to be the hardest I’m sure!

I don’t believe in holding on to anger…it just makes us weak and say really stupid, sarcastic things. When we’re angry, we don’t think. So I’m using anger to fuel my workouts and it absolutely takes my body to the max. The adrenaline rush is insane. But afterwards, I feel calm. I beat some @ss(well…wish I could…when in actually it was just a punching bag) and feel damn good about it.

Who would have ever thought that this quiet, overweight, self-concious little girl would have turned into a sassy, angry, out-right center of attention, workout-crazed chica?? Life sure pushes us in odd directions sometimes.

I suppose the point to all of my rambling is that I am always thankful, no matter what I’m feeling, for the struggle. The struggle is what makes us strong. Letting go can be a struggle, but everytime I workout, I let go. I am simply myself. Crazy and strong. Pushing as hard as I possibly can. When I’m boxing, I love seeing my heartrate get up to 200 bpm and just stay there for as long as possible. This insanity is what sets me free. I love it. Every moment of the rush.

I know it’s been awhile since I last posted - but I just wanted to give a big THANKYOU to all of you who helped encourage me throughout this journey. Just yesterday I was feeling incredibly down, hard on myself. It was late - I could have just gone to bed. For some reason, I was incredibly hungry (like binge hungry) and knew it was most likely stress related since I was feeling kinda bad. I checked up on my bodyspace page and voila! Some major encouragement that put a smile on my face and made me so much happier. Thanks to all those of you who have kind words, encouragement, compliments - I appreciate everything. Along with my friends and husband, you’ve helped me progress, change, and realize that temporary suffering is well worth it.