sblandrus’s BodyBlog

So today was my first day back at the gym….(please, hold your applause ) WOW! It felt really good, it felt like I was back home.  I was thinking that it had been like 2 months since I had worked out, but after looking at the last date on my workout log, it had been exactly 1 month. Not as bad as I thought. So, I weighed myself yesterday, and in that 4 weeks of hiatus, I gained 5 lbs! wow….

but you know, this has been a good experience.  When I went to the gym today, I was a different person than I was a month ago.  It was actually a really humbling experience going back and having gained the weight that I have…it made me realize some flaws in my attitude and thinking before.

First off, I was working out to reach my goals based on insecurity.  I didn’t feel good about my body, I’ve never been in the shape that I want to be, and I have never been all that consistent. Out of this insecurity, I was judging other people when I would go to the gym!!! Can you believe that??? I started getting really prideful, and in my head I was thinking of how much better I was than them because I was more dedicated and in shape than they were, and I actually "knew what I was doing" when I went to the gym. I couldn’t believe that all this time I had been so negative and competitive (in a bad way).

Well, first let me back up by giving you a brief overview of this last month: I started my 20 credit quarter and got 2 workouts under my belt the first week. After realizing how much of a commitment to school I would need to make to get good grades this quarter, I started saying to myself "I can’t do it", "I can’t keep on track with working out, doing homework, working, going to school and finding time for my boyfriend"….can’t, can’t, CAN’T. So, at this point I slowly threw in the towel, eating whatever I wanted, convincing myself I had "NO TIME" for the gym.

 My thinking was ALL wrong….

So, it all kind of came to a head this last week when I’ve been sitting around, watching tv, eating, and not getting much of my homework done, feeling sorry for myself.

Then yesterday, when I weighed myself, and realized that I was putting on a pound/week (definitely not muscle), I was like "whoa, I’ve got to get control of this thing"

This quarter has been a test of my discipline and organization, two things in the past I have struggled with, but have always posessed the power to overcome. I’ve always said to myself "I can’t be organized" or "I am not a very disciplined person", and having this month off to see myself at my worst has made me realize I am constantly feeding myself lies without even realizing it… wow, I couldn’t believe it. It’s time to change. The only way I am going to reach my goals is by thinking differently about myself… It’s funny, I feel like I’ve been hitting a wall anytime I make progress in my fitness, and it has taken me THIS LONG to finally figure out what that wall is.

Wow, this right here is the beginning of a transformation. Another thing that I realized at the gym tonight is that my spiritual life has gone by the wayside, and that needs some reviving.

I need to really start appreciating the life that I have. I am so blessed.