saladman69’s BodyBlog

Okay, I have to share this story.  It is so embarrasing, but just too damn funny to let it go to waste.  To start off, I am deployed to the Middle East and have been for the past 4 months.  I only get one day off a week, and that day is Thursday.  So, I enjoy my Thursdays off by getting only a nap, doing laundry, working out, reading or watching a movie, and then off to bed early so I can get up early Friday morning so I can relax and get some sun at the pool on base before I go to the gym and work.  Everything was going as planned.  I got my 8 hours sleep Thursday night, and woke up early Friday morning to head out to the pool.  As my ritual goes, I wake up and have a protein shake before going to the pool, and then 2 hours later I will eat a protein bar to get some solid form of a meal in my system.  Well, this time I decided to deviate from the normal ops, and instead of having my protein bar, I decided I would rather have another protein shake.  Well, needless to say, that was a bad idea on my part.  Take into the account that it is hot as all hell in the Middle East, so I am already slamming down bottle of water after bottle of water.  And you know what too much liquid mixed with too much protein and nothing solid can do to one’s internal working….yep, liquid shits.  So, that said, there I was at the pool laying in the lounging chair 20 mins before I was to head in and get ready for the gym when all of a sudden I felt what I perceived to be a large gas pocket.  So, as any normal human being would do, I pushed to let it fly, and oops, I totally shit myself.  It was nothing but liquid.  So there I am, on the lounge chair, shit all in my swim trunks, and a couple dozen people all around me.  I was now faced with two options.  I can either: A-Panic, jump up and grab all my gear, scurry out of the pool to the restroom and risk the shit running all down my legs for everyone to see.  or I could B-Wait out the 20 mins, let it dry up a little, act like nothing happened, nonchalantly get my gear and leave without incident.  So, I chose option B and waited the 20 mins.  I got all my gear, stood up, no shit stream down my leg, everything was looking good, and then I turned to look at the lounge chair, and there it was…..a large liquid shit-ring the size of a Frisbee right there on the lounge chair.  Now take into account that there are several people waiting to get a lounge chair, and most of these people are inpatient.  So I decide to do the right thing and get a bottle a water from one of the coolers at the pool and wash the fudgemark off the lounge chair.  But, just as I take a step towards the cooler, some inpatient hardcore pool-goer sits right down on the lounge chair, and yes, is totally sitting right in my shit.  I am so on the verge of busting out in hysterical laughter, but remain composed enough to leave the area and the shitty lounge chair with shitty-covered lounge chair inpatient person in it, and exit the pool area.  Hey, I tried to clean up after myself.  But anyway, two lessons were taught that day: 1-Watch and limit your water to protein intake or you may end up with shitty-pants.  and 2-When you are waiting for a lounge chair at the pool, be patient and make sure that the person who just had the chair is completely done using it before sliding your ass onto it, or you may end up with shitty-pants yourself.  Okay, now that you all know that I shit myself, I hope you get a good laugh out of my mishap.  However “shitty” the situation was, it will be a story to tell for a lifetime.   Hope you enjoy!!!

Okay, so you can call me frickin crazy, but check this…I found a totally new way to start off the day with a good meal.  Here is what you do:  Get some Kashi Go Lean Crunch, 4 shots of ice cold espresso, and a scoop of your everyday chocolate protein.  Now mix all three together, and bon apetite!!!  Yeppers, really, just try it.  I know it sounds sick as all hell, but damnit, it works!!!  Not only do you get your protein and fiber from the cereal, but you also get more protein from the additive scoop, and a kick-ass jolt of energy from the quadruple espresso.  Personally, I like the way it tastes.  And with the espresso being thick, it coats the stomach and makes you feel nice and full.  This meal is perfect for giving your lethargic ass a kick when you need it most.  And just be careful after you are done eating it, cause it will clean you out too.  With the fiber and caffeine acting as natural laxatives, you can wisk that bloating away, prepare for the day, and have a great energy filled workout.  Call me crazy, I don’t care.  The shit works, and I like it.

I have discovered a way to achieve my ultimate pump.  I usually never lift so soon after sleeping, but recently I have experimented and found a way to maximize my lifting shortly after waking up.  Here is what I do:  As soon as I wake up, I take one Stacker3 and two scoops of my NO X-Plode and wait 30 minutes.  At about the 30 min mark, I will start getting the shakes, and feel a rush and surge of energy come over me.  I then head to the gym.  After a few sets, my veins are protruding and I feel like an animal.  I have never felt so strong on an empty stomach, but this combo shoots me through any plateau that may exist.  Just tonight, I put up 315 Lbs on flat bench using the Smith Machine.  I am telling you that it is insane the strength I feel from the NO and Stacker combo.  Now I do not have to wait till later in the evening after eating and digesting has taken place.  I can just hit it up, and feel invincible in the gym.  Anyway, just thought I would share this little piece of info.  Try it and see how it works for you.

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