Rebecca ’s BodyBlog

I am currently sitting above the weight that i got down too, but not by too much.. the differenc now is that i have no fear. I know that i can loose anything that I put on, I know that if i wanted to I could shred 3kg in one week.  what i have come to understand about myself is that I do emotionally eat & that is going to be a constant battle for me, however beating myself up is not the way to beat it…… ignoring it is also not the way, nor accepting it!  So I am battling through, working hard to get back my motivation and will be better than ever in the new year… Bring on 2008…!!!!!!!

Hi,

Firstly thanks to everyone for their support and kind words as i temporarily fell of the rails over the last few weeks. I am happy to announce that I seem to have myself back on track…. I had disgustingly put on 8kg in that very short period of time, but can happily say I am back in control and have lost half of that already.  My goal is to be back to "square 1" within the next two weeks and then onwards and upwards from there….  I should hopefully have some updated pic’s also as I haven’t updated in a while…  

It’s been a great learning experinece for me as i’ve realised how easy it can be for me to slip into old habbits, but what is most important is not beating myself up for those mistakes, but looking forward to correcting them… Also never ever take my eye off the ball (ie. never stop looking at the scales), i ignored my weight and my eating and then all of a sudden it had crept up on me..   But i now know that no matter what happens in my life, even if i slip up once in a while, I have the strength to stop it and turn it around.

I am struggling at the moment…. Since I lost mum it seems that the old me has taken over, I have lost my motivation and discipline, there is no strength in me anymore and I am tired all the time….. I have resorted to food for solace so i ‘m eating all the time, which provides me with nothing but sadness, but I feel as though I am not in control of it. So far I have put on 5 kilos. I am feeling out of control and petrified that I am going to loose everything that I have worked so hard to gain. How do I get the motivation back, how do I gain the control back…. I mean I guess the answers are inside me, I foundit once when I was 30kg heavier… but i just don’t want to have to wait to get back there b4 I do something about it again…. I thought this way all behind me, I was inshape now, ready to transform to the next phase… I am so upset about this setback… help!

I am happy to announce that I AM BACK!  I have had an awesome week of training and nutrition, i have felt strong, in control and motivated. Totally back on track and I love it! Onwards & Upwards!

Recently times have been a little tough & i have made reference occasionally to "life" issues that have affected my workouts, well that "life" issue was that my mum was sick. Recently she passed away.  There are a bunch of emotions that come with that but from a training perspective what is most dissapointing is how I managed to completely loose the strength in myself that I used to have… I used to be someone who ate emotionally, was too lazy to work out and let her body get completely out of control.  As you can see I beat that, lost 30kg and thought I had won the battle…. sadly in the last two weeks I have slipped back into my old self, not working out (or at least not properly), binge eating and loosing my motivation to succeed…. I am admitting it so that I can be held accountable, get myself together and get back on track as I DO NOT want to be that person anymore! 

What I have learnt about this however is when you have struggled with your weight for a long period of time, beating the demon once does not mean it has been beaten forever. You must always keep yourself in check, in control, be strong, you cannot just "let go" and expect that "now I have a fast metabolisim, I will stay thin"… it doesn’t work that way. I have to keep putting in the hard work every day.

As I said, I am writing this post to keep me honest, as there is one big difference between the new me & the old me, the new me is not affraid to admit when I am struggle, to admit when I am failing a little bit, I don’t need to hide myself away, I need to be honest, and then work hard to get myself back on track!

Well I am over being sick which is fantastic and had a good workout last week. My nutritan has been a little off as i’ve had a few "life dramas" which are causing loss of sleep, then loss of energy & then a little weak when it comes to eating, however overall it was a good strong week, i felt strong and trained hard and I will continue to do so…. This is just another one of those life hurdles that needs to be jumped, and i know that I have the ability to jump it!

Sadly I have now missed two weeks of the gym (give or take a day or two) due to now a flu that I have. The first week I missed due to "life", (which is the quick storey) and last week I missed as I was sick…. ugh. So no progress pic’s or updates this week as I feel, soft, deflated and very pudgey.. to say the least!  I am not yet 100% and am waiting for a big energy boost to kick me up the backside.. As soon as that hits i’ll be back on track…  It’s just so demotivating looking at yourself…. ugh… anyway… no point looking back or stressing, it is what it is, nothing more nothing less and the moment my energy returns i know i’ll be back to it harder than ever!

Due to "things" going on in my life I have missed this week at the gym and it is so amazing because it makes me realise how i have changed. Years ago i never went to the gym and going for even one week felt like torture. Now not going for one week is the torture, and the itching to get back into it is so strong. I feel bloated & lethargic and possibly more stressed… So there probably wont be great results this week.. BUT.. next week i will be training hard because there is a lot of adrenalan that needs to be dispursed.!

I weighed in about the same again this week which is very frustrating as I seem to have hit a stalemate. However on the positive my mid section has flattened out a lot and i’m getting more definition there & on my arms so I’m guessing the body fat is dropping and the muscles are gaining… but it’s such a slow process and hard to monitor week by week.. But I shall just keep working hard at it. 

Today I weighed in the same 152lbs for the 3rd week in a row which is frustrating, however…… in the last couple of weeks i have really increased my weight training to build up some more muscle as i’m noticing i look very skinny in the upper body.. The positive is I have dropped in all areas with my measurements, so my conclusion is body fat has dropped, muscle has increased.  Visually my upper body looks good, still much work to be done on my legs…..need to keep working hard!