The Journey

I found this title in the forum under the rippetoe articles.  I’m so ****ing sick of these guys in the gym that do like 46 sets of biceps and chest and expect to be the hottest motha ****a on the beach.  What the hell is wrong with you?  Yes, fitness/working out is essentially about perfecting your physique, but if you want to look like a disproportionate moron, go right ahead.  When I walk down the beach and see a "MONSTER" who has huge delts and a V-taper that defies gravity, that’s when I stop in awe.  I don’t even bother glancing at these morons that even skinnier than me that are displaying their six packs on an utterly small body.   Get over yourself and put on some real size.  Go over to the squat rack and put on a couple pounds.

*Sorry just had to get that out*

Each day is a gift.  Not really a gift given to me, but more of a gift presented in my direction.  Do I choose to take the gift offered to me, or do I sit back on my laurels and broad over what could have been.  I must know that to reach out and grab this gift I must be ready.  Ready with awareness and a keen sense of vigilance.  The discipline and the pain from taking this gift comes at the highest price, my ego.

Everyday I’m in my element, I am reminded of how small we all are and how fragile our bodies can be.  I must build the body that was handed to me.  Become strong beyond measure to take on the immortal hill of sacrifice.  No mountain becomes to steep, no road too long, no goal too small.  I must be scientific in my approach toward taking this gift.  Every angle covered, every mistake accounted for.  There is hope, power, honor in my stride.

I will take the gift of each day and use it to my advantage.  One day closer to a blinding light in a dark mysterious tunnel.  The gift is there.  Ready.  Waiting for you to snatch the life from it. Will you take the chance? The risk?  A step into the unknown.  Of course you will, or your ass is gonna get left in the dust.

I have learned to protect my dreams, to fight for them.  Everyday is a battle.  You earn your stripes from the struggle.  There is an inward triumph here.  When you win, you are given another day, another minute, another second.  Your living is the celebration of your accomplishments.  It is only when you are close to failure do you learn the most about yourself.  I take a deep breath, and plunge.  The big risk, yielding the big gain.  You fight for what you have already done, and what amazing things you plan to do.

I do not let my thoughts sway me away from the bigger picture.  Sure, I fall.  I fall hard.  I gasp for breath wondering how much more I can take.  It’s at this moment that I find myself accountable.  I am the man responsible for seeing my dreams through to the end.  I simply stand up.  That is the first step on the journey.  Simply to stand.  To stand in the face of failure and wink at it, as if to say "you can’t catch me."

Put the past to your backs and stand upright.  I’m going to rub the sweat out of my eyes and plow out a few more reps.  I’m going to fight everyday for that dream.  Each day I am a witness to my own fate.  I earn the right to step into the ring with failure and kick the living shit out of it.  Once I step in the ring, I let will be my guide and land that knock-out blow.  Ultimately, another day, another minute, another second, closer.

"The present is only intelligible in the light of the past." –Trench

When I look around at all the people who have so much passion for what they do, it makes me feel so small, so contrite.  The mom who works 2 jobs to support her kids.  The college graduate that prepares hours for an interview with a fortune 500 company.  It’s all a part of this mysterious pattern on earth.  Yesterday becomes two weeks ago, 2 years ago, and even a decade ago.  Time is gone as if someone only whispered it to you.  Where does that leave us?  Are we to sit idly by and let time take advantage of us?
Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is to move forward.  To change with uncertainty to what the future holds.  It is so easy to become stuck in the past; thinking and feeling as if it were yesterday.  You become lost in different contexts of your own dreams and words.  "I could have done this or could have done that."  It’s hard to pull yourself together after a failure, loss, or recognition of inadequacy.

It appears that most of the population is around to give you words of trivial premise.  Words that float on your ears and mull in your mind bringing you back to your past once again.  It takes true diligence, will, and patience to not be led astray.  Pushing forward with each day towards the next goal, the next purpose.

We must believe that looking into the future will prepare us for the journey to self-discovery and awareness.  I must learn from my past. The mistakes, the joys, the suffering that it brought me.  But I must always live for in a constant cycle of forward motion.  Progressing to the next field of hope and renewal.  Failure cannot be my guide, rather the measure of my next success.

Went for 40 minute walk outside today.  The weather was gorgeous.  Did a lot of thinking while I was out there.  As much as I like being cut and seeing the definition in my muscles, I realize how small I really am when I cut down.  I’ve made a decision that at the end of this 12-14 week cut, I will be going into a sort of "pre-mass" mass phase.  I will continue to carb cycle, but I will take in a calorie surplus over the course of 1 week.  My total calories needed to maintain weight per day is 2600, per week thats 18200.  I have laid at a plan from June-August I will be above my weekly totals by about 875 calories.  Then, in september I will switch to a full out mass phase again for about 5-6 months.  I know that’s a long time, but I really need to gain some size on me.  I will try my hardest to keep the bodyfat at bay, but I just really need to get more size on me because it sucks that I cut to the lower 140lb range.  That’s just ****ing lame.  I know I’m shorter than most guys, but that’s just too light.  I need to be somewhere in the high 150’s low 160’s for my height.  I would look pretty damn good at 160 and 9% bodyfat.

I also thought about a few other things.  I was passing some people on the other side of the road and I noticed a guy that was somewhat built, and I realized something.  Looking closer at him you could tell he was a "show" muscle dude (someone who only trains arms/chest).  I hate these guys.  I really do.  I see them at the gym a lot.  Doing endless sets of bicep curls to impress the ladies.  I have forgotten what it was like to impress.  I don’t really give a shit anymore what women think about me.  Maybe I look good, maybe I don’t, it seems that what matters most to me now is that I make the most out of my time on this earth.  To some that would mean partying everyday until the sun comes up.  To me that means putting in the hard ass labor that makes me sit back and say I accomplished something in life.  I look forward to my next mass building phase because I have some serious goals to meet on all my lifts.  I can’t wait to squat 400 lbs, bench 300 lbs., deadlift 450lbs.  I’ll get there and I’m not going to do it by doing endless sets of bicep curls.  So to all you guys who do 30 sets of bicep curls on monday, wednesday, friday.  Please get the **** out of the squat rack.

If your looking to shred up in a timely fashion, carb cycling might be for you.  I encourage you to do a google search for Twin Peaks & Carb cycling Codex.  He’s not the father of carb cycling, but the way he explains it is downright perfect.  For me going Keto was disastrous.  I could not take in that much fat without feeling really disgusting inside, and then as soon as I re-introduced carbs for my bulk, the bodyfat jumped right back on me.  Currently, I have been carb cycling for about 4 weeks.  I started out on a regular cut.  Dropping calories gradually and eventually I plateaued around the end of march.  That was 4 weeks into cutting.  After doing much research I found that the best way to cut for me was a systematic reduction in carbs.  I have now realized I can get away with doing less cardio by just adjusting my diet accordingly so my metabolism never slows down.  The result?  No plateaus in fatloss.  For anyone who really cares about my carb cycling diet I do it respective to my training.  Some people just do it irrespective of training i.e. low, medium, high, repeat.  I like to put days with more carbs on days that I lift.  That’s just me though.  My current carb cycling with calorie values looks like this: (rememeber I don’t weight that much)

Thursday: Low carbs (off day) about 123g’s 2050 calories
Friday: Moderate Carbs (Chest day) about 159-160 grams 2578 calories
Saturday: Moderate Carbs (back day) about 159-175 grams 2578-2600 calories {sometimes I make this a high carb day}
Sunday: Low Carbs (off day) 123-125g’s 2050 calories
Monday: Low carbs (Shoulders) 159-175g’s 2300-2450 calories
Tuesday: Moderate Carbs (Bi’s/Tri’s/Forearms) 175-180g’s 2578-2600 calories
Wednesday: High Carbs (Legs) 217-250g’s carbs 2700-2800 calories

*Keep in mind that when I count carbs I count only starchy carbs* so the total amount of carbs is actually higher, but I don’t count "excess" carbs from other foods

I know people are gonna kill me when I say this, but I take in anywhere from about 250-300g’s of protein.  That’s counting ALL Protein sources.  If I was to only count lean protein sources I probably get around 200-225grams

Fat fluctuates between 15-25% depending upon whether it is a low, moderate, or high day.

So there you have it.  That’s my carb cycle that has yielded me results.  I’ve still got about 3-4 more weeks of cutting to go.  I don’t want to get to lean because I’m not big enough yet for it to actually look good.  I’ll just look like a skinny punk.  Lame.  Gotta gain weight!!!!

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance/the_carb_cycling_codex

Underdog: The guy in the gym everyone’s rooting for.

There are a few guys in the gym that I see on a consistent basis.  There’s the IFBB pro, who everyone basically looks at as having the ideal physique.  There’s the powerlifter, that loads 5 plates on each side and does 2-3 reps on deadlifts with great form and everyone marvels at his strength.  There’s the 3-man group, the group that’s always there training in a cluster of three people, that train hard and fast.  There’s the shoulder king, the guy who trains shoulders 2-3 times a week, has a massive frame and goes hard everytime.  There’s the female fitness model, who basically works her back and legs for like 1-2 hours each day, and has the most amazing body.

All of these people I see everyday, and most of them acknowledge me now as one of their own.  The powerlifter actually marvels that a 146 pounder can deadlift 300lbs.  The IFBB pro notices how hard I work my legs when I am doing my triple drop set on hack squats.  The 3-man group notices my impeccable form when I do shoulder presses, and pretty much every exercise I do.  The shoulder king spots me when I hit the military presses big time.  The fitness model always acknowledges how hard I work and my focus on every exercise by giving me a smile.

I’m not at all a big guy, but I am what all these big guys would call, “the underdog.”  I’m the guy that’s in the gym working his goddamn ass off and focusing to get results.  In the winter I gain a little size, in the spring I start my cut.  The big guys notice this.  The shoulder king came up to me one day when I was doing legs and I had on one of my sleeveless tees and told me how cut I was getting.  They notice.  The notice how hard I work.  Years of training down the road will give me size.  I have nothing but time, will, and patience for this.

The “underdog” is the guy everyone in the gym everyone watches for changes because you know he’s gonna make it.  You know with his focus that the only way for him to go is up.  His eyes tell the truth because he knows that he has far to go.  He doesn’t walk around with a chip on his shoulder showing off how big he is because he knows that there are so many guys twice his size.

I chatted with the powerlifter briefly on my shoulder day on monday because the gym was absolutely crowded.  You had to weight for every damn bench and machine.  I was between sets on shoulder presses and he was standing there waiting for the incline bench.

Powerlifter: “God this place is ridiculous.”
Me: “I know.”  “I can’t stand it when it’s like this.”
Powerlifter: “It makes me want to go back to Gold’s.”
Me: “Me too, but I know Gold’s is somewhat like this too, it’s just the “springtime” get in shape people.”
Powerlifter: “Yeah forget that shit.” I want a hardcore gym.”  One where you and I can sweat our asses off and don’t have to wait for shit like this.”
Me: “Amen to that.”

Respect is paid.  Honor is won.  Just a few words because we know what we have to get done.  We know what we are there for.  We know what it takes to become better.  We know that if we don’t put our whole heart into it we can’t get that feeling of accomplishment, that feeling of going home and earning that post-workout shake.  You earn respect.  As just one of the underdogs in my gym, I don’t ever expect to be respected by my fellow brothers in iron, but goddammit while I am there and the veins are popping out of my skin with each rep, they will know that I gave it my all.  More importantly, I will know that I gave it my all.  There is nothing more satisfying than the feeling of becoming more than you ever thought you could be.

I’m not entirely concerned that my bodyweight went up because I went back to a normal dose of creatine.  Now I take 1/2 scoop pre-workout and half scoop post. It doesn’t affect my bodyfat, BUT it does make my stomach feel a little bloated up.  It’s nothing to worry about.  I’m not going to remove it until I get a lot lower in bodyfat.  IF I get lower….seems like it’s getting twice as hard now.

40 minutes cardio today, 20 minutes elliptical level 12, fast pace.  20 minutes treadmill speed 6.0.

If there is one thing in this world that bothers me more than anything else, it’s when people criticize you, for being you.  I know I’m a small guy.   You don’t have to ****ing tell me that.  You don’t have to convince me that I need to gain 50 pounds because I know as well as all my fellow bodyspacers that shit takes time.  Gaining slabs of muscle doesn’t come over night, and you can’t do it when you’re in a calorie deficit.  That is why most people do it in cycles and progressively, i.e. Bulk/Cut.  Each time we get bigger, faster, and stronger with less bodyfat.  That’s just the way it’s done.

Keep telling me I’m small, I don’t ****ing give a rats ass.  I pay my goddamn dues everyday.  I’d rather be 140 pounds and strong/lean than a big fat ogre.  Eventually, I’ll be 150 with more muscle, then 160, then 170, then who knows.  The sky is the ****ing limit.  That doesn’t happen overnight though.  That happens with years and years of training.  No I’m not satisfied with the way I look.  That is the curse of the addiction to bodybuilding.  Never satisfied.  Always pushing the limits.

The peanut gallery can shut their traps because today, tomorrow, and the next day are MY days.  Not yours.  I get out of life what I put in, and right now I am punching my time card.  Take your, "you’re too small" comments and stick them up your ass.

How wrong I was!   When your mind and heart are completely focused on a goal, you can accomplish things that people only just dream about.  Not matter how tall you are, no matter how skinny you are, devote yourself to who you are to be.  Let your mind and heart go to welcome new ideas, new pathways, new bridges, and new goals.  This is the only way you will grow, the only way you will achieve and the only way you will become the person you have always wanted to be.