The Journey

Ya know, just when you think you’ve come so far, you take a step back and realize that it’s not as far as you thought it was.  I decided to have my friend take my Bodyfat % today.  She is a certified trainer and has done it on many clients before.  Turns out I’m actually right around 10-10.2% bodyfat.  Not too bad for cutting for about 7 weeks thus far.  That means I must have started somewhere like 13-15%….shit.  I’m never letting my bodyfat get that high again!!!  This means I have re-design my calories down a little bit for the rest of my cut.  Actually, I was pretty close in my calorie deficit for what I needed, that must be why the fat started coming off faster in the beginning of april when I started carb cycling because on certain days my calories were pretty low.  TDEE for me at my bodyweight and bodyfat is 2530 calories.  On very low carb days I take in about 2000 calories, on low carb lifting days I take in about 2300 calories, medium days I take in 2430 and high carb I take in about 2600-2700.  Turns out this is exactly what I needed.  Nice and slow progress.  I’m not going to stop, this little hiccup is minor in my conquest for my bodyfat goal.  I might have to cut for longer, but that’s ok, I don’t mind.

Cardio 30 minutes total =15 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes cybex machine

Went for a jog in the beautiful weather today.  Didn’t strain myself to hard, just enough to keep my metabolism up. 25 minute run, followed by 25 minute walk.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." –Ghandi

I keep learning about my body everyday.  I can’t help it.  The art of manipulating your body to do exactly what you want it too, all the time, is something that is an ongoing process throughout your life.  What I do know about myself is that no matter how hard things get I push myself.  I push hard.  Even when I feel dizzy and want to pass out, I push.

I’d be willing to say life is the same way.  When the chaos ensues or things get out of control, will you push hard through those times, or will you idly sit back be engulfed in the chaos?  It’s a question I ask myself everyday.  In a calorie deficit and dieting to lose bodyfat you start to question a lot of things.  Your energy levels fluctuate, your moods become inconsistent, and your appetite becomes weird.  I envy those with fast metabolisms already that can burn through carbs faster than I can type this entry into my blog, but we are born with what we’ve got, and we have to make due.

The capacity to endure putting yourself through such hard, intense, brutal training is what I have learned over the years.  It’s not about how much you lift, or how long you are in the gym.  It’s about busting your ass to get the results you want.  What will you do to achieve results?  How far will you go?  If your not doing it, I guarantee someone else is.  Someone else will always be working harder, enduring more than you.  Killing themself to get in the best shape of their life.

How much can I endure?  I’m not really sure, I’ve pushed the threshold the past week.  Double cardio on off lifting days with little carbs, adding cardio after a leg workout.  All while trying to maintain the muscle I gained a couple months ago.  It’s hard, and there are no ****ing secrets to it.

I will endure.  I will strive to excel.  There is no stopping an iron will.  Even when the weight that I lift drops exponentially, and my energy is sapped I will push to my last breath.  If I pass out, at least I will have passed out knowing I gave it my all.  Knowing I have attributed to my own destiny by surpassing the threshold.  There is no bar too high, there is no escaping my iron will.  Wish me luck on the journey.  It only gets harder.

Whoa…I totally didn’t even realize how much creatine I was taking in per day.  For some reason I thought that 1 scoop of green magnitude was only 5g’s of creatine.  I have been taking 1 FULL scoop (which is 10g’s) for quite some time now.  Now I think I know what attributes to my lower abdomen bloat.  For my bodyweight I should be only taking 2.5-5g’s a day.  Looks like I need to halve my serving from now on.  I wonder what effect this will have on my overall look.  I’ve always wondered because it seems that at the bodyfat I am at it would seem that my full abdominals would be showing.  It’s interesting to know when I go a full 24 hours without taking 1 FULL scoop of creatine my stomach is more defined.  This is a sure-fire sign that I neeed to reduce dosage.  So from now on it will be half a scoop.  God this will save a lot of damn money too!!!

25 Minute jog on treadmill at 6.2 speed followed by 15 minutes on elliptical at level 11.  Overall some good calorie burning!

Today’s workout marked the 200th workout that I have tracked on bodyspace.  Can you believe that?  That’s how diligent I have become.  A nice pat on the back today from my inner self!

45 Minutes today.  25 Minutes Elliptical, 20 minute run on the treadmill at speed of 6.0.

My whole life has been a culmination of pivotal moments that all have been leading to my aspirations.  Each day that passes is my gift to use all the power and will within me to pursue my dreams.  I feel compelled to do whatever is necessary to fulfill this calling.  I am called to become more than people think I am.  I aspire to more than I can fathom.  I reach high.  I find that place in the sky that no one can touch.   By mere strength and courage I will find this bright star that leads me to the higher path.  How bad do I want it?  I’ll tell you how bad I want it.  I’ll train like a bat out of hell.  I’ll eat cleaner than I ever ate before.  I’ll plow through endless minutes of cardio.  Why?  Because I can.  Because I will.

I want it that bad.  I can taste the savory flavor of accomplishment.  I am in the midst of the smell of eternity each day.  Each bone crushing day I am in the pit of the beast, I pull up my sweaty pants and break through fear.  I want it bad enough that pain becomes honor.  Pain becomes your best ally.  I want it so bad that the veins pop out of my head on each set of leg presses.  When the mist clears from the blinding pain I will be there ready to smash skulls with a single thought.  There is no doubt that my strength comes from deep within me.  I may be a small guy, but goddamit I pull my share of weight.

The journey brings me closer and closer to wanting MORE and MORE.  The addiction rushes blood to my head.  I am dizzy with power.  Self-absorbed with my own inner strength.  Behind these eyes lies a fool.   A fool to think that there will ever be an end to my conquest.  I am not satiated by mediocre.  I hunger for the power of a god.  The brutality of it all!!!  Yeah…that’s how bad I want it.  It’s just that brutal.  "There’s no crying in baseball."  **** that.  There’s no room for failure.  No room for quitting.  You’re all or nothing.  Get the hell on with the show and let the pain begin.  I mean business.  Yeah, that’s how bad I ****ing want it.  That bad.

I get the best results from cardio on no carb day.  I might do another cardio session later today.  Anyway, 35 minutes total cardio, 20 minutes elliptical level 12, 15 minutes stairmaster level 10.

"If you’ve destroyed a man’s hope, you’ve destroyed the man." ~John du Plessis.

I was putting together my meals for today last night as usual, when all of the sudden a shroud of doubt covered me.  I started asking questions. How did I get here? Is this really worth the effort?  Am I getting anywhere?  I hate when I start asking questions.  I think that comes with whole cutting thing.  You’ve been dieting and your body craves foods that you otherwise wouldn’t even think about.  I actually had a weird craving for a cheez-it the other day when I was over at my friend’s house.  I rarely ever have those cravings.  At any rate I was standing there making my egg white omelet feeling like I had lost hope.

I’m a pretty strong individual when it comes to will-power, but I had a moment of weakness where my thoughts strayed to a life I used to live.  Not that I was fat or anything, but I didn’t eat healthy and I didn’t have such a passion for putting up iron.  It was a tough moment.  My legs were still sore as hell from my hard ass leg day and my mind was fuzzy (probably the low carbs).  It was a strange thing that I hadn’t felt in a long time, and I didn’t like that I was feeling it.

What happened next was even stranger to me.  My body kept moving, but my mind was turned off.  I went through the motions of putting my food in order in the refrigerator and cooking my omelet.  Where did that come from?  How did that happen?  My body just took over and kind of led me in the direction I was supposed to go.  As if it was saying to me, I don’t care what the mind says, we are getting SHIT done.  As if saying you don’t have the balls to finish the job so I will!!!

I’m not sure what to take from this experience.  Maybe it’s the fact that no matter how hard things get and no matter how much doubt clouds your vision your hope/spirit will guide you through.  Maybe it’s just my body’s way of saying that I’ve come too far to ever look back in mist of the past.

Maybe my mind was just groggy becaue it was a low carb day.  Who knows?!  What I do know is that cutting takes a toll on your body.  You want results, and you know that to get there you have to exceed your comfort zone.  I think more or less my mind was giving me a sign.  I think that after I reach my goal bodyfat % of this cut (6.5-7%) I will take a week break from lifting and everything, but still keep eating right of course.  My CNS is telling me that it is taking a beating and needs a little time to recover fully.  This will be a well-deserved break.  Anyone who knows me, knows I ****ing bust my ass off every ****ing day.  If you see me in the gym, I’m the guy with the head phones that doesn’t talk to anyone and destroys himself.

Anyway, there’s my revelation.  Take it for what it is.  Whenever you have doubt about doing the right thing, that’s what makes it the best thing.  You’re hope in the future will overshadow this moment of doubt.  These moments are what make us grow, make us unique, help us stand out.  I hope to build even more of a strong-willed character the further along in this endeavour I get, and I hope you’ll follow me through the long, hard, back-breaking journey.  See you under the barbell!!!