What’s happened to me?
Things are a changing, that’s for sure. I reduced my work hours dramatically this past half year so I could have time to work on my other projects that I’ve spoken about and I’ve come to find that I’m not really cut out for a lot of down time. I had a hard time focusing on my book, first of all. Instead, I often found myself just doing nothing. Second, I found that working on just one project became very monotonous…redundant, I know. I don’t think I’m quite there yet in my development as a person. I need more stimulus; and as is usually the case, life has provided me with plenty of interests to stimulate me…unfortunately, I’ve been ignoring them. I have to admit I’ve been a lazy lately, a lot lazy.
You know when you get used to doing very little, doing just a little more feels like a lot of work and is, of course, relatively uncomfortable. And given that I am doing my best to make my life more and more comfortable these days, as it has been very uncomfortable in the past, I have been allowing myself to just kind of avoid any discomfort that comes my way. I’m afraid, much like I tell others on a daily basis, this isn’t having the desired effect. There is a point of diminishing returns and it sneaks up much quicker than one might suspect. All I have now is a lighter work load and a strong sense of discomfort for anything above and beyond the norm. I’m definitely not any happier than I was-I’m not sad, but taking a break didn’t deliver the improved life I thought it would. What’s got to happen is that I’ve got to get more specific with what I’m willing to loosen up with and what I’m going to stay solid with. Take a break from the stuff that sucks, and load up on the stuff that gives me energy…and that’s doing my ‘job.’
The truth of the matter is, I’m feeling a greater and greater sense of responsibility these days. I guess it’s the one Hindus might describe as their Dharma-they’re job in life. I’ve been ignoring my individual community service. I have never gone out and done anything with true regularity, but I did do quite a bit with kind of off and on regularity before. I still do little things here and there on a daily basis, but not like I used to and that’s becoming more and more unacceptable to me. I see certain leaks that I know I can help plug and I’ve got to start doing it again for my own happiness. It kind of feels like I’m ignoring my duty here. That’s got to change. The period of time I spent talking to the alcoholics on the street was a little too intense and, in the short term, had a kind of side effect on me in that it made me very uncomfortable doing anything more of the sort. I still don’t know if I realistically have it in me to go back to that but I have to admit, it’s a very weak link and I see it very clearly. I’m going to start with the environment.
One thing is for sure, we have to make the weakest among us, strong. Right now the weakest among us is the Earth, but of course, it is a symptom of the general discomfort of the human race right now along with our current understanding of life.
So here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to get off my butt.
ps. Workouts are goin killer.
October 7, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Off your butt and on with being happy and following your raison d’etre. I don’t have the latter, but it seems like you do. Follow it if you have it, but even your *purpose* has to be balanced with the rest of your life.