rawlife’s BodyBlog

   Someone signed my guestbook and that reminded me that I need to keep this thing going.  Actually, I think about it pretty often so it’s not really a chore by any means, and this one is going to be therapeautic.  I went out with my neighbor last night.  I’m telling you, every single day I believe more and more in this law of attraction thing.  We’re more similar than I could have imagined, even some very similar experiences.  It’s real unfortunate that they just don’t seem to jive all that well. 

It’s probably a pretty predictable predicament for me to be in, but it’s not that often I meet people I really connect with.  It’s hard for people to see past the lifestyle.  I left the bodybuilding lifestlye many years back and adopted the health for all lifestyle in its stead….the bbing lifestyle was hard enough.  Introducing myself to people is always kind of interesting; unforunately, I’ve developed anxiety over it.  I just wait for the uncomfortable so early in the conversation where our path go their seperate ways.  The fact of the matter is, I find myself very far from where I started and almost obscenely far from the majority of the people out there-not necessarily farther forward, just far.  I asked one of my former girlfriends what I should do about this problem and she said I should really try and kind of slowly let myself seep out rather than being open from the very beginning, which has always been a little more my taste…or maybe my way of avoiding future let down.  Letting myself ’seep’ out always feels like I should be ashamed of who I am, and I, of course, don’t like that. 

Anyway, I really did my best with this girl, but once it came out that I eat only raw organic food, I never drink, I pick up trash as I walk and try to live an environmentally conscious lifestyle, and dig up trees from parks and plant them elsewhere, and don’t like or often respect laws in general, all amongst ten million other stories of very unusual experiences I’ve had that few people share with me(some of which I’ve written about in this blog)….it’s just all too much.  And what’s really too much is that I’m just too damn arrogant about it.  I don’t come right out and tell people what to do, but I make it real clear that I think people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about or doing and that I do…that I always do.  I have to stop that if I’m going to get anywhere with people-I’m not going to get anywhere with my goddamn self.  People that think they know everything are amongst the least smart of them all.   

I told her a lot about my upbringing.  The fact is, I’ve always been somewhat isolated in one way or another-whether by family situation or physical problem(I had some physical issues as a kid that forced me to learn how to stand on my own two feet a little more than most I think).  This probably just sounded like some sob story, but I hope that people can see the truth in it…these things have molded me into the person I am today, and the person I am today seems to be very different from most other people so I try to explain it.  The person I am today is someone that has a very hard time doing something just to go with the flow.  I find myself almost always trying to find the ‘most right’ answer…or best way regardless of whether or not it is acceptable to society. 

But maybe the best way is also a way that includes the understanding of other people and acknowledges that being social and giving and receiving compassion and love and happiness to other people is also part of ‘what makes sense.’  I know that’s true.  I know that it is, but it’s not really coming out yet in my actions.  I still find myself feeling like an idiot when I do things that I know don’t make physical sense…but again, I find myself thinking, maybe they do make physical sense.  Maybe fun and socializing and etc actually has a greater positive health benefit to your body than the avoidance of whatever you were going to do and the ‘healthy’ thing you would have done in its place.  To be completely honest, the longest lived individuals are not the raw foodists, not the vegans or vegetarians, not the low carbers…they’re the ones that enjoy the hell out of life.  I just read an interview with some 110 year old guy and when they asked him what his secret was, he said, "whisky and wild women."  I might be going about this all wrong. 

…I was going to end it there on that strong point, but I’ve got some more to say.  What I’d really like to say is that I’ve noticed that the symptoms of my inner security or lack thereof are somewhat different from most people’s, but despite the fact that other people think they are so different from me, I see similarites to me, in them, everywhere.  In fact, I would almost venture to say that I’m not that far away from the pack.  What I think has happened is that I have found a lot of comfort in a very few things, a few outlets, whereas others not only have more outlets, but also more acceptable outlets.  My outlets seem to stand out more than others.  I think if people were to add up the amount of comfort they get from good food and drink, meaningless sex, music, socializing…etc and compare it to what I get from raw food, exercising, and my social/eco projects, I think we’d all be making up for a relatively equal amount of fear/discomfort/insecurity.  It would be neat to, for just a moment, strip everyone of all the things they love and see who is the most comfortable with just themselves.  I don’t know that I would be, by any means, but I’m getting the idea that I would not be alone.   

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 17th, 2009 at 12:22 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.