rawlife’s BodyBlog

   My whole life has been centered around superficiality; bodybuilding leading the way.  I don’t think I’m that far along in spirit to be honest with you.  I’ve come a ways in a couple of different areas of life but I’m still dependant on having money and an exceptionally hot girlfriend to make me happy.  The one thing that makes me think otherwise is that I’m not really on an endless search for these things, really just ‘need’ them to ground me so I feel like I can breath and go on with the rest of my life.  It’s like these are the things that allow me to feel ‘ok’ so I can move onto the things I feel like I really need to do.  I know it sounds rediculous but it’s the case and the denial path only gets me a certain degree of progress.  It has to be combined with acceptance as well so I can learn from my desires and subsequent actions. 

   You know, it’s kind of goofy in that saying what I just said(especially about women) would and will often knock me down a few points in quite a few people’s eyes but what they don’t realize is that where I am deep they are often shallow and vice versa as well.  These are my two things.  On the other hand, I do not worship certain physical senses and so called ‘creature comforts’ like most of my peers do.  I worship these two much more though, I would say-especially women.  It’s like I feel like my life will be a total bore if I am not with someone rediculously hot.  It’s likely because I don’t feel like I ever have been-although I think a lot of people would disagree…which is pretty damn rediculous on my part.  It’s actually a chore for me to go out with an 8, even if she has an awesome personality(which is the only reason I got out with her).  I actually told people at work the other day that I could see myself being one of those guys that leaves his wife and kids when he’s like 45-50 for a hot 24 year old with a smokin body and a great personality. 

    I don’t know how this will pan out but, the truth is, I’m not in a hurry to get rid of these superficialities, I want to play them out.  I’ve never had a girlfriend that’s been hot enough and I’ve never had a lot of money.  Right now, these are big motivators for me.  Part of the thing with the women, I think, is the fact that I’m so nervous around the ones I want.  Usually, if they are off the charts hot, I will force myself to approach, but otherwise I’m usually a pussy about it. 

   Another real goofy thing is that I just can’t seem let these two desires pan out in a way that a normal guy would let them pan out.  If I talk to anyone that is anything less charming, and fun, and smart…then I have a hard time standing her and almost immediately cross her off my list of possibilities.  I have a little bit more give when it comes to money but nonetheless I’m still very apprehensive of making it in a way that could harm the environment or society, or jeapordize the good direction that I see the world going in.  I am as I have been saying that I am…right in the middle, seeing truth in my mind but not yet feeling it to the extent that a more advanced soul would. 

    And the absolute goofiest thing of them all is that it all breaks down to experience and learning.  Everything is a symtpom of these two things.  Everyone is ****ing bitching and moaning about this being this and that being that and this meaning bla bla bla.  None of it is good or bad.  It’s doesn’t mean a goddamn thing other than it being a reflection of our development thus far.  So today, I’m going to feel good about my superficiality and maybe hit on some hot women if I see’em. 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 at 1:44 am and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.