The Grind
Seems like a lot of my ideas have been panning out lately, thank God. As I said a couple of blogs back, I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I’ve tried to quit doing anything on sole ’will power’ instead of complete understanding. I don’t actually think will power exists, to be honest. I think it’s just a way to describe an understanding that is less than complete.
Anyway, I’ve been allowing myself cooked and even total junk food when my bodily feelings demand it, and I allow them to myself to my full feeling’s content-meaning I do just as much as I desire. Then I assess. For at least a full 24 hours. I’ve been doing this my whole life, of course, like we all have-it’s just another way of saying I’m learning-but now I’m doing it consciously and with purpose so it goes much faster. As a result my feelings are getting much closer to being representative of my true thoughts-meaning they are lining up with that which I think is right, instead of just being representative of my past experiences and feelings associated with whatever it was that I was doing. It’s pretty sweet. Junk food scares me now. It’s still attractive in the sense that alcohol is probably always going to be attractive to an alcoholic, but it’s much less now. The truth is that none of these things are inherintly good or bad so they will always have both positive and negative draws, but the whole truth is that most of these acts will likely lean very heavily towards one side or the other, and that whole truth makes itself known very clearly through giving yourself experiences and assessing them. The thought of junk food now comes with all the feelings associated with the whole picture-the crap ass feelings afterwards. It’s very cool how this all is playing out.
The moral of this story is that I think that we learn our way out of and into things. Discapline, will power…all that stuff are kind of illusionary. They don’t often last and if they do, it would seem that that would be a very uncomfortable way to live. Rather it would be better to sacrifice a little bit more of your immediate feelings and act out whatever it is you are trying get a better grip on and assess it so you can know why and actually feel why you shouldn’t do it or should or whatever…I love the perfection of life there. We are what we have sewn. We are the summation of that which we have experienced, and the more we experience, the more we assess, the happier and more loving a summation we become. It’s a grind. A narrowing. A kind of wittling out of the inefficient and revealing the efficient.
Training: same old, same old. Rehab, trying new things to gain a better understanding of the body and exercise theory. I’m editing the book on exercise theory as we speak. I had a damn good lower back workout today. Came up with a couple of new exercises there that were pretty sweet.
