The Status Quo
So the deal is that I am in this kind of middle period of my life, much like when one decides to grow their hair out long and realizes that the stage after short but before long is pretty unattractive. I don’t really feel unattractive…more that the life I am living right now is unattractive-I’m just kind of waiting for the next step.
I’m working daily but not loving it like I should be; I’m dying to get my projects off the ground. I’m not working on them as much as I should be though, which is borderline idiotic given the above statement. I could be working on the book right now, but I decided that I should blog instead because it’s been so long and I missed such a long period not too long ago. So I don’t consider blogging right now borderline idiotic. I could definitely use my time a bit better though, or a hell of a lot better. I’m just juggling so many kind of esoteric goals right now that it’s hard for me to get it all to go together, and thus the ‘middleosity’ of this while time period. I’m trying to be more lax in regards to my lifestyle so as to re-develop my personality and get a social life again while trying at the same time to be more strict in regards to getting things done that I need to get done. Combining strict with lax is only going to work if I understand exactly what it is I should be strict with and what it is I should be lax with. Just writing this is helping right now though. It seems the mind really wants stuff filed nicely otherwise it can leave you with some pretty confused actions. Thinking ’stict while lax’ gets more or less nowhere. It has to be more like ’strict with work and chores, lax with diet and other people’s choice of lifestyle.’
In other news, I’ve decided that I must be one blind son of a bitch to have missed such depth in life in general. I went to a lecture at the the history museum here in Stockholm the other weekend and got so many great ideas for adventures. Just the fact that I did something cool in my own city was the first step-the fact that I used what I had right in my own hometown instead of going way far away. But anyway, I saw a bunch of cool pictures of underground caves and from arctic divers and I thought to myself ‘Jeez, I’ve been so focused on seeing everything topside, I’ve totally missed the underside, the air and all the things that happen in between.’ Totally rediculous, I almost feel like a damn moron for ever having been so ignorant of the truth which was right in front of me this whole time-that being that mere physical life is so full of depth that one lifetime isn’t anywhere in the realm of being long enough to experience it all. If I want more experiences and adventures, which I do, I can’t just focus on traditional sight seeing and cool adventures topside in exotic lands, I have to also think about everything that life has to offer. I’ve had so many ideas since then; but worse, I’ve had ideas before then that I ignored because they didn’t fit my exotic land, traditional sight seeing peramiters.
So, an idea I had quite some time ago that I’d like to go through with is being a storm chaser. I’d love to take pictures of a tornado or something along the same lines; I’d love to be in that and chase and run away from that.
I’d also love to dive. Most of the world is underwater for God’s sake! What am I missing?! I’ve never loved water and I’ve even had a bit of a panic attack here and there when it comes to being totally submerged, but I don’t think I care any longer. This has got to happen and I’ve just got to suck it up.
Last, caves. I’ve got to see these incredible caves and the rock formations underground, even if they are damn uncomfortable and claustrophobia inducing to get to. Some of them are truly breathtaking. The theme of this story is that I have to really enjoy the depth of what life has to offer, all the nuances, the life!-not just the most superficial-which in my case has been cool things to see on land.
In other news, I don’t seem to be meeting any girls that I really connect with. On the one hand, it’s a shame because it doesn’t feel good to never really connect with the people you share physical playtime with. On the other, it allows me the freedom that I feel I need right now to really experience life to the fullest, travel, get my projects off the ground, meet more than one girl…to squeeze it a bit more.
