A million miles an hour
Feels like everything is moving really fast right now. Between the book, a huge load of clients, Kombucha, and developing a social life, I’ve got a grip of stuff going on. I don’t want it to slow down by any means, but I would like to be able to handle it a bit better than I am right now. I just had a new guy at the gym whom I don’t think I impressed all that much, due to the fact that I’m feeling so rushed. The information he needed was given to him but not in the manner in which it should have been-a bit to scattered, like my brain.
Part of what is making me feel like I am going at a thousand miles an hour here is that I have sugar coursing through my veins like I’ve never had before. And no candida flare ups. I’ve been vegan for the last two weeks, high fruit, some tender leafy greens. I’m pretty surprised at how easy this is going. I’m mono-eating as well-one ingredient per meal. That’s key. I’ve been gravitating towards that for a couple of years now and it feels good to embrace it. It’s what is allowing everything to ‘go in.’ If it doesn’t, you were better off not eating it.
I’m not hungry, my weight isn’t crashing, and candida isn’t flaring up. I remember when I first read that interview with Dr. Graham about the importance of not combining anything more than very low fat with carbs that I felt a real strong ‘click’ or experienced a kind of Eureka! feeling. I tend to follow those wherever they lead. It’s lead here thus far and we’ll see how far it takes me. I don’t have any problem being raw vegan if that’s the best path, but I’m going to stay objective and do what works. One thing I can’t seem to work my way out of though is how, if I were to put animal products back in my diet, I would do that. It’s become so very clear to me that sugar is not most people’s problem, it’s fat that’s not allowing sugar into the system, so everyone is desperately craving it. This is why everyone is a sugar addict-our food choices are so wide and so variable that our palates have become acccustomed to terrible combinations(including all the macronutrients), in regards to health. I could try lean meats, which is actually how most meats are if they are grass fed, but I actually wonder now if that’s part of man’s natural diet given the nature of the beast here. We’ll see where this leads, it’s kind of exciting for me.
This idea with taste is kind of funny. Everyone seems to be under the impression that these things they are eating taste so good and these 20 ingredient meals are like mouth orgasims, but the more I think about it, the more convinced I become that what they think is taste, is actually feeling. I think many people have progressively conditioned themselves, via reaching for food everytime they get uncomfortable, to such a great extent that the comfort they recieve from food is basically instananeus-meaning after having comfort eaten so many times, they start feeling good the second the food gets in their mouth. I know I’m that way.
Funny thing is though, now that I’ve taken my diet to yet another step, I find myself wittling that conditioned response out. I feel the very subtle discomfort come on, I then feel the strong urge for food, and then I pause. And do anything else that makes me feel good-which is usually just think and work out. By thinking, I divert my conditioned responses to something else-I condition another response. Instead of going towards food I go towards the thinking itself. The act of figuring out, the understanding gives me the comfort. I came to the very simple conclusion the other day that if you rely on a thing for comfort, you are only ever going to get as high as the nature of that thing will allow. Sugar highs, which is just feeling normal for most people, might feel good, but they aren’t high at all if you compare them to what you can achieve with another person, for example. Are sugar highs, higher than deep seeded love and connection with another soul? Or with deep understanding of the nature of life, for example-another great high that I look forward to breaking wide open. If you rely on something outside of you for comfort, it had better be bigger than you and more capable than you. It had better be God, because that’s the only thing left. Food, animals, even other people…they cannot get you as high as you without them.
Just to bring this full circle: often when I eat something cooked after not having had it for a long time, it takes a bite or two before it starts to taste good again. Prior to that it tastes more like what it is, burnt ingredients. I think if most people were pressed to just lick their food, have it in their mouth, and then spit it out, they might find that they are not satisfied with taste alone(which most claim they are)-rather the feeling the food gives them once it’s in their stomach. Just a thought, although I’m pretty sure the answer is somewhere inbetween that thought and what most people perceive they are experiencing.
In other news, my training is going well. The back is better than it’s been in a long time due to me progressively figuring this shit out. To be totally honest, nobody has given me the answers I really wanted. I’ve seen tons of people and gotten tons of pieces of information, but never the whole picture. It could also have to do with how open I am to receiving that information-in fact, now that I see that in writing, I’m sure that’s a big part of it, but I think part of my job in this lifetime is actually figuring it out. Putting the pieces together(I’ve always loved puzzles-I covered my walls with them) and making it work. That seems to be a theme in my life right now. It’s like am the center and there’s all these different things that started way far away and are coming in closer and closer to me right now until they become like my own arms and legs- kind of like in that Da Vinci drawing of the man with his arms and legs outstretched kind of one top of one another.
I hope this blog doesn’t come off too cocky, but I’m figuring things out and I’m seeing where people go wrong-lots of them being fitness and health professionals. Maybe my job in this life isn’t so much to figure it all out but to be able to deliver it to people, to be able to resonate with someone just perfect…to pick up on their energy and be able to mesh with it so I know just what to say to help them understand. I know that’s been a big problem of mine. I don’t know what I would call that character trait though. I’m sure helping others is a part of it, but equally as sure as I am of that I am that this path was chosen for my own development first and foremost-which is what I think is the case for most people, unless they are really really evolved.
Anyway, I’m going to cut out now, trying not to ramble as much these days. I’ve got a few things to do that I think could make me feel like I have a bit more structure in my life right now-one of which is clean up a bit. So I’ll see ya next time.
