rawlife’s BodyBlog

   I’m developing patience.  For most of my life I didn’t quite understand how change came about, now I have a better understanding.  There has to be some kind of stimulus; in most cases regarding living things, that stimulus is in the form of discomfort.  On Christmas eve, while demonstrating for my cousins exaclty how it was that I lost feeling and function in one of my legs, I lost more function in that leg.  I know, smart.  I still have feeling, but I can tell the left glute is kind of slack whereas it was firm like the other side.  Anyway, it’s not major and I’m pretty sure it will come back but it’s going to require more time.  Funny this happened just now when I feel like I’ve developed such a good understanding of what I need to do to get everything in working order back there.  I’m not real down about it-I’m getting something good out of it, patience.  I can’t tack my back with me when I die, but I believe I can take patience with me.  I have been dying to get this issue taken care of, it’s still going to get taken care of, that I’ve come to understand, it’s just going to take more time and probably an even better understanding of anatomy than I have now-and that could be another reason that this incident came about(to educate me). 

    This is very similar to what is going on with candida.  Now that I feel like I’ve developed such a good understanding of what I have to do to get my digestive track back in working order(after being bombarded by excess antibiotic use), I actually have to wait several weeks until the probiotic I can make for it will be ready for consumption-and even then, I’m not sure if this exact blend will be the right one or not…but I do know I’m on the right track.  That’s what gives me a sense of calm-this ever deepening understanding that I am on the right track and that it’s going to be ok in the end.  Not only that, if I keep walking this path, it’s going to be better and better everyday as I collect more and more information. 

    I, just like most everyone else, experiment pretty often with my own body and lifestyle.  Sometimes it turns out well, sometimes not but one thing is for sure: experiments with your own lifestyle may sometimes seem like they knock you back a few notches, but the truth is that you can almost always make up those notches and more real quick with the information you gained from the experiment.  All you need to do is separate yourself from your feelings a little bit, calm down, look at what you’ve learned and apply it to the big picture.  It’s objectivity combined with an understanding of life as you know it thus far…it’s drawing a temporary conclusion that’s a little further ahead in understanding than you were before.

  Christmas is over.  I’m catching up on sleep and recovering from the good but cooked meals I had.  First ones since last spring.  First bite since last summer.  I did come to a bit of a better understanding after this weekend though, one having to do with comfort.  It seems that I’ve been devaluing comfort a bit too much in comparison to how much I’ve been valuing it’s counterpart, discomfort.  I’d been feeling the craving for cooked for a month or so and denying myself and it grew progressively.  So at Christmas I decided to quiet it down and give in to it.  Turned out to be a good decision because it led me to understand, via experience, a lot of what I was saying in the last blog about comfort.  The further from my normal comfort zone I got, the further I went to get back, meaning I binged on candy and chocolates and what not. 

   This led me to another conclusion: that a person would do very well trying trying to align their comfort directly with their discomfort, ie: a junk food addicted person desperately trying to eat normal because of how their malnourished and out of shape body makes him/her feel would do very well trying to make healthy food his/her comfort and lousy food further discomfort.  Life has a way of making this happen automatically, it’s called learning or associating one thing with another-eventually it happens on it’s own, but with an awareness of it, the process is sped up a whole bunch.  Part of the awareness comes from experiencing both sides of the equation and assessing how you honestly feel with the immediate and long term effects of both of those sides-ie: the junk food addicted person eats crap and then sits down and makes and honest assessment of how he feels right after, how he thinks he will feel if he keeps doing this, and where life will take him if he keeps doing this.  Then after a period of calm and separation from the last act, he eats clean and goes through the same drill.  As I’ve said before, the truth or the best path has a way of making itself known, there’s no real denying it because it just keeps coming, experience after experience, conscious self assessment or not.

   In other news, I am moving in just a few days.  Nice!  Great Success.  Bigger apartment and more central.  Everyone’s dream!  Mine too, but not really anymore to be totally honest.  I’m going to love it, that’s for sure, but it’s time for me to get a place near the woods and the water.  I need the fresh air and the energy.  City life is taking it’s toll on me and I don’t plan on living it for too much longer.  Another thing I don’t plan on living much longer is the one location life.  It’s time for me to bounce back and forth a bit more, especially during Sweden’s winter darkness-not good for Paul, not one bit.  That’s always been the live I’ve lived and I find that I miss it.  I miss my family and friends in the States and I want to have more adventures in far out locations.  I want to take some awesome pictures for my walls and get a few more great stories to tell.  Story telling is amongst my favorite things to do.  Maybe I’ll tell a story in one of these blogs sometime.

                      
                                              Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Gott Nytt Ar! 

    It has been a very spiritually productive Saturday morning. Everything, as it has been for the last few weeks, came together for me this morning. I woke up, took a walk, and cranked out a whole lot of conclusions. The motivation started this past week with a series of events that left me kind of low in energy-the most intense of which was a prolonged focus on things that are more superficial than I actually am(I’ll explain that later). That then resulted in a feeling I’ve grown very familiar with over the past year: an uncomfortably strong sense of obligation to get the lowest in society up and on their feet-this feeling came in the form that it usually does: helping the alcoholics on the street along with a few others like kids in Africa for example. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that this has been a reoccurring theme in my life for the last year(read ‘the lesson’ and ‘the gift’). It’s a very uncomfortable theme for obvious reasons: it brings you face to face with a lot of negative energy(confronting the alcoholics) and in my case it makes me feel as though I’m being forced to do something that I’m not actually drawn towards doing on a full time basis.

    So, my neighbors painted their apartment and lacquered their floors this past week-they were actually wearing big black masks while they were doing so(not just the little white ones that go over your nose and mouth) and of course they didn’t live there while they did this. I, of course, don’t have a big black mask and I do, of course, live here; and I don’t know what it is with my building but the chemicals from the lacquer seeped into my apartment and stunk it up to high hell-it actually stung my eyes and blurred my vision after several hours in the apt. This made me borderline real angry. I had to crash at a friends house for two nights where I didn’t sleep all that well(not because of your place Robster, but because it’s not my own place). The strong anger towards my neighbor, the lack of sleep for several nights, and then the subsequent subdued mood at work left me a bit lower than I normally am or should be, we’ll say-it kept me from giving a whole lot in my daily life.

   In response to my low energy(my discomfort), I started thinking of business ideas which, in my mind, translates to me getting out of this whole situation and into a newer, more comfortable one where I won’t have to deal with the daily grind. I was thinking of new business ideas all day long and getting myself worked up into a kind of fervor about how many great trips I would be able to take and how much cool stuff I would be able to get for my apartment and how many great stories I would be able to tell to the millions of people that would love me for them-haha. So there’s the prolonged focus on things that are more superficial than I actually am. This left me kind of physically high but spiritually low-not really buzzing with real energy that comes from deep within…anything heavier/lower than you really are is going to have this response I believe.

    Later, basically right after that bout of superficiality, I started reliving that very uncomfortable obligation to go out and save the world one alcoholic at a time, and then one hungry child at a time-also a feeling that doesn’t really describe the whole me; as far as I can tell, I’m not that far yet, it’s above me. I fought the feeling, as I have been doing the past couple months, and instead went and talked with a buddy at the gym while waiting for my massage.

   It was during my massage, as I was just laying there, that the obligation hit a new high-I think it was my physical situation that made it come on so strongly-being stuck on the table, looking straight down, not having a bunch of other stimuli around; in other words: alone with my thoughts. Again, very uncomfortable, it’s a trapped kind of feeling; kind of like ‘I have to do this, it doesn’t matter if I don’t like it, it has to be done.’ An extreme feeling that gets you hot and makes you break out into a sweat-at least it does me. I should know by now to be wary of extreme feelings, and I was, but the truth didn’t sink in until I said a little prayer for myself-Give me some comfort.

   My request was granted the moment I asked for it and then information started trickling in. Today, it flooded in. Here is conclusion number 1:

-We’re all vibrating at a certain frequency on a kind of ‘love/bliss/enlightenment/nirvana spectrum’-that is actually what we are, that level of love/bliss/enlightenment/nirvana. When we reflect on the outside what we are or want to be on the inside, ie: the amount of love/bliss/enlightenment that we are, then our actions will all be relatively normal and acceptable to us as, assuming we are like most everyone else out there and not on the extremes of soul development. If we are extremely developed or a total newbie, our actions will be seen as less than normal. One thing is for sure though, it’s the actions that are on the same level as the soul that we really are or the soul we want to be that we are most comfortable with, the ones that feel most right to us-meaning, the actions that most closely reflect the amount of love/bliss/enlightenment that we are or want to be as souls(inside) are the ones that we as people(outside) feel most comfortable with. The problem is when we do things that represent an energy level less than the one we’re actually at. When we are less on the outside than what we are or want to be on the inside, when we act in a way that doesn’t represent our true selves or goals up to this point, we find ourselves having to play catch up because of the negativity we have become.

    So anyway, I hadn’t slept well all week long which caused me to be more negative than I usually am, then I went on my superficial binge all day long yesterday which had a similar effect-by this time, I was kind of physically/bodily high but low as a soul. I felt like I had to play catch up. This idea led me to conclusion number 2:

-We strive to get back to where we should be-magnetically, physically, spiritually, we are strongly attracted that which will get us there, we strongly desire that which will get us there. We are attracted to the things that we need and the things that need us are attracted to us. Anyway, I had to play catch up and the easiest fastest way for me to get back to me was by representing/becoming a higher level of love than I really am, or becoming a higher energetic level than I can sustain. After a week of being something that was lower than I normally am, I had to do something higher than I normally am to get back to feeling like I’m in the green again. Ultimately, I think it works to just start being who you really are, but it takes longer because you have built up some heavy negativity/some dark energy that brings you and the people around you down. I mentioned that in my other blogs, that I felt like the things I was doing for the alcoholics were more for me than they were for them. They were helping me get back to where/what I should be spiritually after living a rather angry life. This led me to conclusion number 3(which I had already come to but this was a better understanding):

-Comfort is a strong driving force in our lives. The desire for comfort is what pulls us away from discomfort; it’s the fuel for evolution. Curiosity and excitement and quite a few other things are other driving forces but they all seem to be a part of comfort, so I don’t know if they actually count. Anyway, the extent to which a person evolves is directly related to the amount of discomfort in their lives or how much comfort they seek in their lives(these two aren’t the same but they are real close). It’s also based on support/love but they play a different role-without the support, the love, the nourishing comfort, the discomfort(any discomfort) would be too much. The discomfort in one area of life makes us search for a way into comfort; the comfort in other areas of life(our friends, family, work, could be anything)is that which allows us to deal with the discomfort in the other, get a break from it and understand it.

    I then came to the mini conclusion that everyone can’t be entirely uncomfortable all the time-we wouldn’t evolve, reality would be too heavy, too overbearing. So my next mini conclusion is that we all play different roles in each other’s lives so as the evolution of a soul can be attained most efficiently. My last mini conclusion is that those roles are always changing.

   We all search but at different intensities dependant on how uncomfortable we are or how much we desire comfort(not quite sure if those two are the same thing). We are all searching(because we desire comfort) but we are also all acting as comforters to others-we are part of the support group as well as being the seekers. It’s very important that the stimulus(the discomfort) is broken up, it can’t be overbearing for too long.

    Some people are very comfortable in life and play primarily the support/comforter role, some people play that role as part of their search for comfort. Some people are desperately desiring comfort and do not play the comforter role as much as others, rather they are focused on their own evolution. The amount to which we play these roles is always changing, and it’s changing in direct relation to how close we come to understanding that which we set out to do before birth; or that which is making us uncomfortable/curious.

    With that in mind, I applied it to my life and the people whom I believe are my soul mates and I saw the roles we’ve played for each other thus far. I then tempered that information with what I knew was happening in all of our lives and how we have lived our lives up until this point and that then led me to be able to make predictions about what’s going to happen with us and to us in the future. Not psychic like predictions but predictions about when our roles are going to change and who will be doing what and roughly when they will be doing it. As I’ve said before, I feel like my major evolution is coming to a halt here, at least my major search for answers. I can actually feel everything coming together now. The future seems to be my time to live the life that I’ve been figuring out for the past 26 years. The discomfort I’ve felt my whole life is fading dramatically, so much so that it seems like it’s going to be basically gone soon. I also see this in one other person I feel very spiritually connected to.

    All of these things led me to understand other things. I understand now why things didn’t work out with a certain someone that I thought it should have worked out with: because the level of comfort required by that certain someone was more than I was comfortable catering to and me being required to cater to it left me very drained(which, in my body appears angry).  That someone will be attracted to other people who can cater to her level of required comfort, which will likely be someone who is closer to her energy level.  So it works out for everyone involved!
   It also helped me understand why I don’t have to be constantly anxious about talking to the alcoholics anymore: because I am not a master, I’m not what most of them need which is a more love than I am. What I represent is a good understanding of certain subject matters, one of them being why we do what we do and what we have to do to not do it anymore. It’s people like the alcoholic pilot I found on the street that day(in ‘the gift’) that need me. It wasn’t just the love I was able to show him(which was hard for me) it was the understanding that I was able to give him and the way that I was able to give it to him-he really cherished that and actually interpreted it as love, but really it was just what he needed-I gave him what he really needed and it felt very good to him so he interpreted it as me giving him love-I guess that is what it was but it wasn’t intense love like that a master would reflect.

    I also understand how it is that people can see the answer, that is seemingly exactly what they need. right in front of them and totally ignore it: because it’s only the answer that they need when they are uncomfortable enough to need it or when they are curious enough to want to explore it. I think most of us have been in situations where we inform someone about their discomfort and what to do about it and they subsequently embrace us warmly and accept what we are telling them and wholly ignore it until they are uncomfortable or curious enough to think back to it.

    I came to a few conclusions about training as well, but this blog is already very long so I’m going to cover those in the next one. Have a wonderful day folks.

  I don’t actually think that I have ever felt as on top of my game as I do now.  It’s like all the different bits of information I’ve collected over the years are interlacing and connecting with other bits-like having done a chunk of the middle of the puzzle and then working in from the frame of the puzzle…now the pieces are coming together  It’s such a great feeling!

  As you know, I’ve been doing the raw vegan thing for about a week now.  Getting a good grip on that as well, but it’s time to incorporate meat and fat back into the diet.  I’m so glad I did this though because I’ve gained such a better understanding of the different diets out there and whys and hows. 

   The low carb approach actually isn’t any better than the low fat approach in my opinion-the problem is the both at the same time approach or the niether approach.  As I mentioned in the last blog, Dr. Doug Graham has been very outspoken about his high carb, low fat, low protein approach and while I’m not there in my understanding, what I have come to understand is that those two are a poor combination.  High fat diets combined with even moderate carb intake is the perfect equation for insulin resistance, which isn’t so much insulin resistance as it is insulin failure in that the insulin is not capable of eschewing the sugar out of the blood stream and into the cells because they are coated in oil-the insulin itself is insulated with oil.  This seems to be why so many people do better on very low or no carb/high fat diets.  This is also seems to be why people do well on regular carb, no fat diets-though not as well because ‘regular carb’ for most people is still too high and too refined.  Competitive bodybuilders in the 80s were all about the no fat diets, and they of course worked assuming they used all the energy from the sugar they consumed.  People who live in the tropics, plent of carbs, very low fat.  It all works!  It’s our desire to have it all at the same time that doesn’t work.

    On very high carb, via fruits and vegetables and no fat, I was almost just fine and I have candida.  That says something.  I had some very slight symptoms but nothing crazy like what would have been the case had I eaten that much fruit while eating high fat at the same time.  Eating too much fruit at one sitting was a bit of a problem but if I split up the same amount of fruit into a couple of meals I was pretty much fine.  So now the plan is to see if I can cycle the two approaches-high carb, no fat, low protein and no carb, high fat, high protein.  I might have to include a half day or a day of fasting in between the two, but that’s no bigge.  The only question I have left is if bodyfat has the same effect on insulin and cellular uptake of sugar.  If so, it makes sense then that a certain level of leaness is required to really make Dr. Graham’s approach a true winner.  I think I’ll order his book-the 80/10/10 diet.

   In other news, the gym is going real well as well.  My antagonist stretching approach has now broadened to an antagonist and synergist stretching approach.  Yielding great results, I must say.  Something my physical therapist, Dave Buchannen, told me when I was 16 was that a muscle will only get as large and as strong as it’s ‘opposing will allow.’  I’ve since expanded on that by saying a muscle will only be as flexible, as strong, and as large as it’s support will allow.  This is pretty obvious, it seems, but still there are too many trainers and therapists out there stretching muscles that are tight as the result of another tightness.  They’re just treating the symptoms.  Sound familiar? 

   So, in the last two weeks or so, I have gone from having a lot of constant back pain to much less back pain; I have gotten a great new understanding in regards to nutrition and I have interwoven a ton of old and new information in regards to training to give me a better understanding and new perspective there.  Things are going well.  Over and out, good night. 

   So, things are moving along nicely.  I did as I said I would since we’ve spoken last; I’ve put all my focus into my weak links.  Excellent, excellent decision.  The supposed negative is that I lose even more of that which has always defined who I was-my muscularity.  Of course, that is only a positive and now I’m really into it like I thought I would be.  It’s really good for my character to get out of that trip-it’s a trip that I’ve put on myself as well as has been perpetuated by others.  This is the new project now though.  The workouts are centered around stability and balance, by which I mean strengthening my weakest links(not doing exercises with one foot on a ball, one in a sandbox, with my tongue stuck out and my eyes closed) and the diet is based around building a solid base of intestinal flora. 

   In regards to the diet, I’ve been doing mostly fruit and some vegetables.  No animal products and no fatty vegetation.  Not because I think that stuff is bad, but because I’ve learned that fat(an oil) has a way of interfering with insulin and it’s ability to eschew sugar out of the blood stream by way of coating the surfaces it comes in contact with and keeping things from entering or exciting them-fat is our insulater from the cellular level all the way up.  So instead of avoiding the sugar to try and kill candida, I went the other direction(which is the only thing that has ever worked for me in my life).  As expected, symptoms are no worse than usual, but totally gone just yet-still have some changes to make.   

  In regards to training, honestly I feel more on top of my game now than I’ve ever been.  The fact that every single one of my major joints causes me discomfort at least sometimes if not most of the time, that I’ve had four muscle tears(highly irregular for a non drug using athlete), that only one of my calves is fully functional, and that basically my whole body is inflexible has been the driving force.  And the fact that those are all due to seperate injuries is quite a feat in and of itself I must say.  I just got off the phone with my mom explaining this to her.  I’ve been very forced into finding information; otherwise my life would be a whole lot more uncomfortable than it is.  My back is doing awesome, I’ve come up with some great ideas there.  My shoulders are doing less than awesome, but I believe they are on their way up.  And my all around flexibility has improved dramatically just by making a few changes; the primary one being antagonist stretching.  I’ve come to understand that a big reason people don’t get any results from stretching is that they are stretching the wrong muscle groups.  They are stretching the ones that are tight and painful as a result of a tight antagonist.  First they have to stretch the support, the one that allows the opposing muscle the ability to flex.  Then, if need be, they can go ahead and do the muscle in question itself. 

   There’s a lot of chicken and egg stuff in anatomy but it’s not to difficult spotting the problem if you look into your past history-ie, finding your pattern overload.  I have to admit, I’m REALLY into this right now.  Definitely not into the bbing side of fitness at the moment, really into the functionality and well being stuff.  Anyone who’s been reading this blog knows that’s been going on for a while now. 

   In other news, I’ve taken on a couple of projects, one of which is an ebook.  We’ll see if I can bang this thing out.  Stay tuned. 

   Move over Robin and Richy, move over Chip and Matt, www.blocket.se has taken over the best friend position.  I’m moving in a month, I need to furnish a whole apartment, I don’t have a ton of money, I don’t have a huge desire for a dormish home.  Solution: buy used.  I feel slightly rediculous having lived my whole life with my nose so far up in the air that I never realized how much I could better my standard of living simply by re-using instead of insisting on always having new things.  Of course, I’ve been recycling forever but my pride and desire to impress my peers has always kept me from buying the big stuff used.  Not anymore! I love this idea, I really do.  I’m going to see if I can furnish basically my whole place with used stuff-even some of the decorations.  When you buy used you can get a much higher quality piece of whatever it is you are buying than if you were to buy new, the only catch being that you have to inspect it to make sure it is still what you want-but in this case with furniture, we’re not even talking about something mechanical, it basically just has to look nice and be able support whatever it is is going to be sitting on it.  Nice!  I’m pumped about this.  I’m buying a very nice table on sunday, assuming it’s in good working order.  Looking for a bed now.  Since I’m looking for higher end stuff, I pretty much skip over all the cheapest stuff and go right to the expensive, but the cool part about the expensive is that it’s still not that expensive.  If it’s expensive used, that means it was reall expensive new and if it’s still in good shape, that means it’s a great buy for someone like me.  Maybe you too?

   In that same vein, my good buddy Todd found a great website the other month: www.thestoryofstuff.com -check it out, very eye opening, very good message.

   I guess the theme of this blog is going to be ’back to basics’ only now I’m going to pull a fast switch on you and turn things over to training and health.  The constant step forward step backward approach I’ve been taking with my body is getting a bit tiresome-meaning, trying to get the back in working order, and the shoulders in working order, and the knees in working order, and the calf in working order all the while trying to achieve a better physique is not working as basically anyone might have guessed.  Well, it’s working, but not at a rate at which I can accept.  Like I said last time around, my program resembles a push/pull split right now and I might even knock that down to a very simple bring up lagging muscle groups split-teres major, infraspinatus, lateral gastroc, multifidi, erector spinae, transverse abdominus.  Given that I haven’t been all that attracted to bbing the last few years I think it’s time I did this for myself-put the other on the back burner and take care of some long overdue business.   

    I might also take this time to get my digestive system in order.  This candida issue is a bit annoying, although not more than that.  My heart really goes out to all the people out there having a nightmare of a time with it; I just wish I could convince everyone to go raw, get their carb intake in order, and slip all that.  I’ve been experimenting quite a bit with my own probiotics lately and having some success.  The key is volume.  Store bought probiotics seem all but totally useless to me as their quantities are so low-even 30billion live units per serving(capsule, most often) is a drop in the hat in regards to gut flora-I actually wonder if it makes any significant difference whatsoever.  Another key is type(s) of bacteria used; if you want to re-populate a specific area of the body with flora, you’ll want to find out what type of flora naturally exist in that specific area.  

   I’m going to go ahead and make a prediction here: probiotics are the new antibiotics.  The idea in the future is going to be helping the body help itself.  Excessive antibiotic use over the years, especially my teenage years has left me with a challenge to deal with in my adulthood; hopefully I can come up with something to help myself as well as my peers experiencing the same thing-one of my desires though is that my peers actually realize that what they are experiencing is the same thing. 

   I’m going to use that as a segway into my next topic, results. Results are supposed to be fast and noticeable from session to session, especially when it comes to fat loss.  Were talking about energy consumption.  Energy is something that is in constant flux; it’s a matter of consistantly putting out more than you put in.  If you are having trouble putting out more than you put in but find that you are working out a lot and not putting all that much in, then it’s likely you are having an issue mobilizing the fat that is currently on your body.  This is the biggest issue, I’ve found.  People aren’t stupid, they’re doing their workouts, they’re doing their diets…the fat’s still not coming off.  The problem is mobilization.  The problem is insulin sensitivity, the problem is subtle hypothyroidism, the problem is nutrient sparse bio-unavailable ’food.’  The answer is changing to something that works in the immediate short term and consistantly over the long term.  This is always the answer, and the people that have found the answer are very obvious about it; in fact, they stick out like sore thumbs.  If you ran into them you’d know it right away.  If they are still getting colds and flus, they’re not their yet.  If they are getting skin outbreaks, they’re not there yet.  If they’re tired all the time and have bags under their eyes, they’re not there yet.  If they have dandruff, foul smelling gas and body odor, they’re just not their yet.  I’m not there yet either, but I’ve managed to knock out quite a few uncomfortable things that I thought were a normal part of being a human being-and I’m definitely not the only one.

   None of those things are in the game plan but they’ve all snuck up on us very steathfully by way of mass attack…that sounds weird but if everyone is experiencing the same thing then it’s the ‘way we’re made.’  But everyone’s not experiencing the same thing and now we have a greater ability than ever to hear what they have to say, we just have to search the slightest little bit.

   The point, the ideal, imo, is to be constantly bouncing back and force between loving and learning.  Sometimes learning requires discomfort but then when we learn we bounce right back into love.  The things we love are malleable, the things we enjoy physically are malleable.  Try not to get stuck on the things but rather get stuck on seeking the love and lesson.  The love is the enjoyment, the lesson is the result of our pursuit in life.  When the pizza stops doing it’s thing for you, move on.  When the wine stops doing it’s thing for you, move on.  When everything stops serving it’s purpose, time to move on.  When something stops being good for you in the short term and the long term, when it starts taking you away from love and enlightenment…or keeps you from moving towards them, then that thing has served it’s purpose and it’s time to move on.  In the end, we have to do what works, what get’s us closer to love and enlightenment as constant states of being.  Food is great and makes us feel good, but what we want is to feel good…let’s not get stuck on the particular food item.  We all want to enjoy eating and living the lives we live-the point is to enjoy, not to get stuck enjoying this one thing or this type of thing.  If it brings us closer to love and enlightenment, we can enjoy it, relish in it. 

   I have so much to blog about and I can’t remember any of it.  Was having some computer issues for a couple of days there along with some personal issues with guess who and those things added up to no blog for me and no blog for you.  Anyway, I’m home and it’s "fredag’s fika’ tomorrow at work-in other words, I am going to bring in some nice snack or treat of some sort and everyone is supposed to partake in it’s consumption whilst chatting and giggling amongst themselves in a friendly manner-given that it’s me though and that I’m going to bake or buy anything, we’ll see just how many partake in my fredag’s fika. I’m going to make some raw chocolate, I have not been very successful thus far. 

   Training is going real well. The back is better than it’s been in a long time.  I’ve said this before: if you let the answers to your problems come to you, they will.  They are waiting to come to you, they are begging!  They came to me in two parts in regards to my back just recently.  As hard as it is for me to do it, some kind of meditative focus is what it takes for me to open up-this focus is usually achieved in either total silence whereby I start by letting my mind wander where it may and let the doors gradually open that way or by doing something very repetitive.  I don’t run, but you might have heard plenty of runners say that that is there time to think.  Well, I think what really happens is that we all get into these mini-trances at times, or self hypnotize, and open ourselves up to a new level of understanding that is not particularly available to us on our regular wavelength-the running is very similar to several religion’s chanting rituals-it’s repititive and mind numbing, leaving you open to an answer outside of what you. I know that I often fall into brief(maybe 5-10min)trances when I’m very uncomfortable, when I’m at the ‘I can take anymore point.’-this is actually when it happens most often-I go into a very heightened focus and all of the sudden, the answers to my problems start hitting me on the side of the head as if they have been waiting months to get in there…they probably have. 

   Anyway, what I figured out with the back is that a big chink is my armour is the neck.  Although I’ve rarely had any neck pain, I often(for the last several years) lay with my head propped up against the wall for several hours a day.  I do this because I can’t sit.  This puts my spine in a flexed position for much longer than it should be-no muscle should be stretched or contracted for hours on end, day after day-that’s called pattern overload.  Then to top it off, I’ve got what exercise physiologists would call forward head as well-again flexion.  So I started doing some cervical extension movements.  Huge change, almost immediate.  Second big revelation was that the majority of the discomfort I experience on a daily basis isn’t from a constantly buldging disc that slips in and out of position like it’s nobody’s business, but from muscular adhesions-specifically in the multifidi which kind of weave their way in and out of the vertebral column.  So, I reached back there, while laying on my stomach, and started kneading those babies out and before you knew it, I was temporarily out of pain.  Of course, the adhesions are there because of soft tissue damage due to an imbalance+excessive load+poor training technique, but that can be worked out now that I am more aware of what’s going on.  I’ve even been sitting a lot lately without extreme discomfort-though it’s not exactly a day in the park. 

    Time for me to study a bit and then catch some Zsss.  Talk to you soon.