Fail!
That’s alright, a lot of good comes out of failure. So I went to the wedding the other day, fasted all day till about 7, which started feeling pretty dang good right about then. Then we went in for the banquet and I quickly realized that instead of it being a serve yourself kind of deal, it was a sit down and get served three proper courses type of meal with arranged seating and everything, which then made it harder for me to continue my fast given that it was going to draw attention to myself and seem somewhat rude, imo. Of course, I could have done it, but at that particular moment, doing that was out of my comfort zone. Kind of embarassing after everything that I wrote in my last entry, but I’m manning up now to clear the air and get back on track officially.
Otherwise, of course, everything’s been good. I ate great yesterday-had some raw lamb filet and that was surprisingly good. I’m going to eat that more often, lots of fat on it. Anyone who eats the way I do knows that fat is a most prized possession. Everything is so anti-fat today that getting meat, organic meat, that hasn’t been stripped of it is like finding a goldmine. These butchers and grocery stores don’t know what they’re throwing away when they callously trash pounds and pounds of organ meat and fat. I would gladly pay for just the fat and the organs. In fact, lately, at least one if not two of my daily meals consist of only fat.
In other news, I had a phenomenal time yesterday with my friends from work doing a physical/mental team challenge at the castle in Vaxholm. Really fun challenges, specifically one where you had to make your way across a dark stone room, swinging on chains, to retrieve a key and put it back in it’s rightful place. Part of the difficulty there was not just getting across the room but also getting back because by then your other teammates occupied most of the chains behind you that you needed to get back on while you were using the ones they needed to get there on. Interestingly, my back does not feel nearly as permanently damaged as I thought it was going to feel today. In fact, I dare say that it feels better than it did the day before! I was relatively sure that all the running and wild movements were going to leave me with a blog that went something like this: ‘Hi guys, I’m quittting bodybuilding as I can no longer feel my legs. Tack och hej, leverpastej." Although, this idea that every new moment is just another oppurtunity to create whatever you want was one that was running through my mind right before we got started so I thought that if I stretched really well before the day’s activities maybe that would re-align me to an extent, which it did, and also free up some formerly paralyzed muscle tissue surrounding the disc to be used and strengthened with these very likely wild and flailing movements, thus making the situation even better, which it did! Great Success! In all seriousness, I was really apprehensive yesterday. I was 100% sure that I was going to do serious damage. Running+Paul does not usually=Great Success.
Another great success for the day was eating with the team. I don’t know how much everyone enjoyed watching me eat my raw lamb filet, but I enjoyed feeling somewhat comfortable eating it with them as they ate their food. It has been too long since I did that. Whereas before I was always eating the raw meat in public places to get the attention of others, lately I have been only eating it at home specfically to avoid the attention of others. The first two stages served their purpose but now it’s time to start bringing everything back into reality, to start diffusing back into society and giving people the oppurtunity to accept me for me. Nice feeling, new feeling.
