rawlife’s BodyBlog

   Thing’s are going well on my end.  Have had quite a few great workouts in a row, have slept enough or close to every night for the last week, been eating real well, been spending time in the sun and in the fresh air of the forests every single day…I’m living the life! 

   I’ve come to the conclusion that this idea I have been brooding on and about for the last I don’t know how many years, that I need to always get to the rock bottom of what’s wrong to get to what’s right is a kind of faulty one.  In fact, it’s one that was probably born out of my own desire to always live a comfy life-never really doing anything to change, rather just waiting for it to magically happen as I allowed myself to compound negatively reinforcing behaviors on top of negatively reinforcing behaviors.  This whole time I’ve totally ignored the fact that doing what’s wrong still only helps you understand what not to do.  It’s the accumulation of doing the right things that leads to significant change, along with maybe a few negative reinforcements(for reminder). 

    As I said in my last post, for several years I have been battling this idea that you really can’t eat and live the way I do and still have a social life.  I was battling that even before I went raw-because I didn’t drink.  It’s terrible question to have to ask yourself-’do I want to be healthy or do I want to enjoy my life?’  Not only is it terrible, it’s a bit ignorant-in the end, you cannot enjoy your life if you are not living a healthy life. 

    The problem is one that boils down to conditioning.  I, and many others, have been conditioned to believe and actually physically feel un-social when not partaking in the consumption of something-which usually happens to be something I don’t want in me.  I’ve always had a hard time, and still do, at parties where I don’t eat or where I don’t drink.  This idea is something that has been irking me forever, something I can’t seem to shake: a person’s confidence, a person’s feeling of self worth, a person’s comfort should not be based on whether or not they are partaking in that which the rest of the crowd is partaking in.  In other words, a person’s confidence should be based on qualities and things that go with them at all times rather than things that they have to do or consume. 

     I’ve been talking about this for years, but I’ve actually put my foot down to an extent now.  I still always want to be an open person, so the door will never slam shut, but it feels good to just turn my back on crap living and tell people that they can do as they wish but I will not partake even more than I wasn’t partaking in it before.  Even better, a certain sense of confidence-or really just a continuation of the confidence I always have-seems to get instilled in me when I realize that this is a concious decision and I am proud of it and like where it leads.  With every passing day of simply making good decisions like eating the way I like eating(raw and organic), taking time to get outside in the sun and fresh air, and going to bed early so I get enough sleep; my head get’s clearer, I become a less angry person, an even less confused person, and my energy levels rise enough to give me insight into new things that I hadn’t thought of before.  It’s really an awesome experience. 

    This whole time I’ve been trying to beat myself into the strict adherance of this lifestyle by giving myself all kinds of F’ups in hopes that they will negatively reinforce me enough to never eat junk food again and the answer was right in front of me: just make the decision and start living it-you might have F’ups, but get back on track, live it and before long the F’ups will be a thing of the past. 

   Now, the ego in me wants to remind my readers that over the years I have still been something like 98% raw with somewhat regular social cheats, but those last 2% really make a difference to me.  Not just in wanting to always be 100%, but there’s a real, profound physical difference between 100% and 98.  There really is.  98 never seems to let me get to really great feeling.  100 puts me there almost instantly but with the social dilemma.  And as I said, I am now leaving it up to my peers to comform to me rather than the other way around in regards to this.  I’m pulling a kind of John Galt on them.  Nobody has to adopt my lifestyle, but if people are going to be around me then they should get real comfortable with their own lifestyle’s because mine isn’t going to be changing for the worse anytime soon just to suit a group of partygoers.  

    I remember a conversation I had with my ex girlfriend several years back about me being so extreme and her not being able to connect to that, and I told her that I would probably just get more extreme, that my lifestyle would probably be even more outlandish in a couple of years.  Maybe it is, but I don’t think it’s negative by any means.  In fact, I think it’s really cool and I love living it.  I eat raw, I grow trees, I pick up a lot of trash, I make my own probiotics, I’m enthralled by the spirit world, I actually believe in elves(so does almost all of Iceland, just ask them), and I bodybuild but I prefer not to shave my body…all this stuff is very hard for a lot of people to swallow, but at some point you just have to say ‘hey, this is me and this is what I’ve come to understand is best for me so it’s up to you to accept it and even learn to like it if you’re going to be around me.  Like it because it’s what’s best for me and what’s best for me is what’s best for you.’  Done.

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 29th, 2008 at 10:37 am and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.