rawlife’s BodyBlog

  Today’s blog, unlike pretty much all the rest, is being started with no direction.  I have no ideas, so I’m just going to see where that takes me. 

   I had a great workout yesterday.  Full body mix of HIT and volume(2 sets instead of one). I still struggle with motivation to get in any better shape than I’m already in.  I realize that must sound so cocky to some people, and undeservedly so(I’m not in the same shape now as I am in the pics), but I’m already in real good shape…I keep asking myself ‘what’s next?’ and ‘what’s the point of getting any stronger or any bigger?’  I’ve already determined that it’s the type of person I basically don’t want to be that uses size and strength to fill a confidence void in their lives.  But I’ve also nearly determined that literally every single act in life is to fill a void of some sort, and ultimately they all boil down to being some kind of confidence/comfort/happiness void.  In addition to that, I’ve nearly determined that that is precisely the reason I am here on earth-so as to go through the actions to fill those voids(which I think I willingly accepted upon birth) and thus reap the benefits of the lessons learned in the process.  Maybe it’s just that the lessons that have to do with traditional Bbing have been pretty much learned now.  I know that I am still motivated to being a fully functional great athlete, I know that I’m still motivated to rehabilitate my back.  Maybe that’s because there are still lessons to be learned there, or maybe lessons to be learned in future activities and situations that I will need a fully functional body for. 

   For the time being, and I’m sure you can tell, I kind of look down on people who do these things to be better than the next guy, to be this and that…to be anything freaky or outrageous.  I can assure you, this is a very clear reflection of a clear lack of understanding and experience in me.  Looking down on anyone, even if it’s a knee jerk reaction like it is in me, is just a sign that you have a ways to go.  I still get angry with people all the time.  Probably because I feel threatened by them-most of the time it has something to do with people being what I initially percieve as lazy which I then immediately feel is a threat to my happiness-maybe because I am too lazy to make myself happy!  Give you a great example, I’ll bet you know few people who get as angry as I do at people who don’t put away their weights-who actually relate this to their freedom being stripped from them.  You see how knee jerk that is?-I can almost feel it right now.  It’s not my thoughts, it’s my feelings.  And my feelings have not been tempered enough by my thoughts just yet.  I still have a lot of these knee jerk reactions to sort out, a lot of feeling like most people just constantly screw everything up to work out.  

    My thoughts tell me the truth, my feelings betray me.  My thoughts are based on experiences I’ve had along with those I’ve not yet had; my feelings are based, seemingly, only on past experiences.  Feelings are really, I would say are focused on a bit too much-most of them are very base in nature and, on top of that, they’re all passing, it seems.  The real goal is to get your feelings in line with your thoughts and make both of those ideal; make them virbrate wildly with excitement.   Then feelings and thoughts beceome something entirely different, something that can’t be emphasized enough.  But for the time being, there’s too much ’I feel this way and that way’ stuff going around.  To be honest, we all feel this way and that way and we’re all likely way off from the ideal.  Why not temper our feelings with our thoughts?  Feelings shouldn’t be ignored, but in an attempt to not ignore them…we have ignored our thoughts!  I have too.  Everytime I feel someone is acting worthlessly for doing this and that and I react immediately with some rediculous comment inside my head, I prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, my immaturity.  On the one hand, we have to allow ourselves to be our curent feelings and thoughts so as to learn from them; on the other hand we have to also allow ourselves to be the people we want to be at times rather than just the people we are. 

This entry was posted on Friday, June 13th, 2008 at 12:30 pm and is filed under Training. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.