Body is feeling like a million bucks.
The mind is contemplative. And usually when it’s contemplative, it’s because it’s not feeling like a million bucks. I’ve come to a point in my life where I am starting to experience what I think is a rather common problem. Guilt. Not guilt for actually doing something negative to someone or something; rather, guilt for not doing all I can to remedy the problems that most need remedying. Right now, the one that seems to be on my mind the most is the homeless. I’ve been talking to them lately and helping as I see fit, but there is still more to be done. Stockholm has a number you can call actually, which connects you to a group of people that go and pick up homeless people and offers them all the help the city offer them(from programs to shelters…etc). I called that number yesterday after I ran across a homeless man, seemingly very confused outside the subway station. They were thankful and sent someone over there. Whether they found him or not, I don’t know. Immediately after that though, I already started getting this anxious feeling that I could get out of control with this whole thing if I didn’t figure something out-meaning, I would be calling them every two seconds, whenever I saw a homeless person, in need or not. Later in the day, I saw another. This one just from the window of the subway on my way home. I thought to myself that I didn’t need to call seeing as how I didn’t know if he was in any kind of trouble or not, given that I couldn’t talk to him. That decision was quickly over-ruled. I called and attempted to describe to them exactly where he was and after a while I think they finally understood me(my Swedish is still not the best) and went and did what they do. Again, I don’t know if they got to him or not-I was tempted to go back to where he was(it was a very short walk) and wait until they got there, to keep him busy if I had to…but I didn’t, I felt like it was more for obcessive reasons than good ones.
This has been on my mind a little too much lately. Before this, it was these alcoholics that you see everywhere here, whom are publicly drunken and in visibly very bad physical shape-sores everywhere, awful awful looking skin..etc. I had the feeling I should stop wasting my time doing whatever it was I was doing(usually just being lazy) and go talk to them about their problems, try and get them to step up and turn their life around.
One thing I know is that the truth makes itself known. Seek and you shall find, ask and you shall recieve. So I talked to them, not about about their issues per se, but just about everyday stuff and tried a get a good feel for what I should do; and I started to get a feeling…a feeling that I have felt many times before in other situations…that one event usually doesn’t turn anything or anyone around. Even if it’s a huge event. There’s still build up-there’s still the events that led up the The Event that gave us the mindset to interpret said Event as a life changing one. There’s still positive and negative reinforcement afterwards that keeps us on the path we’re on-or pushes us off. (Now I’m going to go off topic for a second)-It seems to me that there is no such thing as instant change…with the exception of creation, with the exception of the initial thought that started all of this, that created all that we see here. Beliefs, or focus seem to create our reality…but the ones we have now seem to be based on an infinite amount of past experiences, situations, other beliefs…etc. The initial belief, I believe, was much less of a belief than it was a thought. A very simple thought, a curiousity.
Getting back on track: I get the feeling(and as of yet, this is still just a hunch) that the best thing I can do for most of these people is not so much to try and save them at every oppurtunity I get by calling the homeless police or preaching to them about alcoholism, but rather to build their energy, to raise their spirits. To get them feeling better so they can come to the point in time, all the sooner, at which they will be ready to make a decision that will turn out to be a life long major one, a life changing event-this requires many experiences and the right mindset to actually work…I don’t think it often happens too early-rather more likely, later than necessary. What I just said though, must also be tempered with the fact that there are those out there right now who do actually need and are quite ready to be ’saved’ by the above treatment-the homeless police, the preaching…etc. What comes above everything, above every ideal, in my opinion, is doing what works when it works. Not too much, not too little, and hopefully something that will set us all up for a brighter easier future. And what works for the vast majority, in my opinion, is not a scramble to get them out of trouble, but rather a dose of truth mixed in with love/compassion.
I still have a very strong suspician that many of these things we do for others, for charity, we do not for them, but actually for ourselves. We do it for our personal development. Usually not conciously, but I think it’s the case nonetheless. Few times have I learned better lessons than from what I have learned from doing something philanthropic. But to be totally honest, I don’t even know if you can call most of what I’ve done philanthropic. Most of it was not because I am such a good person and bla bla bla, most was because of guilt. Because I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do anything. That’s not very charitble at all. And yet I learned much. The first thing being that much wisdom stems from fear. Fear is the beginning point, it’s the lowest and wisdom is the highest. One of the most important lessons I’m learning is how to be a bit more gentile. How to help someone find their place rather than just picking them up and putting them in their place-which works at times, but at times doesn’t…I know one girl in particular who would probably say I’m still pretty bad at that, maybe even downright lousy.
The last lesson I’m going to write about, one of the most important next to the two aforementioned, is that of seeing it through. Now, on the street it plays out more like helping a person until they truly don’t need help any longer. But on the person, on and in me, it plays out a bit more like a lesson in persistance. This lesson is no surprise, it’s one that my grandfather told his children and grandchildren-one of his most highly cherished character traits-persistance. Doing until it’s done. Going all the way-even long after it stopped being comfortable if necessary. This is a lesson that plays out in my life all the time. I have a tendency to do until my sense of comfort is appeased enough that it no longer needs any more work to stay quiet and not bother me. What an incredible misunderstanding, right?! All that usually ends up doing is continually raising your level of comfort and decreasing your threshhold for discomfort. I guess in some cases that’s good, but it’s also a real easy way to literally paralyze yourself in inactivity! I’ve been looking at my apartment for the last couple of weeks, thinking to myself ‘jeez this place is messy, why don’t you just clean it up?’ And sometimes I do. I clean until my sense of comfort is appeased. Of course, my sense of comfort is low as hell! The place is almost always still a mess! Well, it’s not such a mess anymore. This has been the world’s longest blog for me because I’ve been doing so many thing inbetween paragraphs-one of which being giving this apartment a real do-over.
This is something that rolls over into all areas of life. Appeasing myself and my sense of comfort, appeasing ourselves and our senses of comfort has kept me and almost everyone else from actually doing anything of any worth. From actually getting anything done. This isn’t because something is inherintly wrong with us. It’s because something is very right with us, in fact. This is a survival trait. But we have been given free will and have come to a point in time where this trait doesn’t serve us in the same way that it once did. Now it is time to use our free will to mold our present and future more conciously than we have in the past.
I understand that the goal is the journey, but the journey can’t be cut short by miles and miles just because we feel like the goal is too far away. The goal has to be pursued at least a little bit more, with at least a little more creative thought, with at least a little more awareness.
Now, if I could give you just one little tip in pursuing your journey, one that I find hard to do myself but I know is very important nonetheless: Be quiet.
Stop doing everything, don’t listen to anything, don’t read anything, don’t eat anything. Just sit there and think. The biggest reason people are so confused is that they can’t think with so much stuff going on. Don’t just try it, get it done, do it for a good long while; and if it doesn’t work, modify it, and then get it done.
May 21, 2008 at 10:24 am
incredibly inspiring
May 22, 2008 at 7:32 am
Remember as you go thru your day that you can only help some one if they want it. They have to want to be saved and yes it is more than one event that put a person in a bad spot. Kinda like you said about my shoulder… i wasnt the one work out but a colective damage. But you also never know what one word might change in a persons life.