Blather
The bulging disc was really bothering me for a while. Worse than usual. Then, as life would have it, a napprapat(a kind of mini-chiropractor I guess) came into my life. She fixed me up good. Real good. I’m feeling it a bit today, but it’s not that bad really. She took care of me for free the other day, but I think people should get paid for their work-even if it’s done on collegues, so I think I’ll buy a few sessions with her and get this situation under control and help her, rightfully so, make some money doing what she’s paid to do. This back thing, though, really get’s me down sometimes. I think this is life telling me not to worship my body, not to put the flesh before the spirit. I’ve been living this bodybuilding lifestyle for so long that it’s really hard to not just automatically attach my happiness to my success, or lack thereof, in it- to my progress in the gym. On the one hand, I know that this body isn’t it; I know that there’s a whole lot more to life. On the other, I feel like I have some real unfinished business to take care of here-I’m feeling actually pretty inspired by some of the physiques and lifters our there(although different ones from when I first got started). I just have to make sure I take care of my business in the right order now; or in other words, I have to prioritize what’s most important while still taking care of what I feel I need to.
In other news, the not so titanic triceps are pretty sore today. All I did was some machine extensions, and I did them two days ago, but they are good and tender. And speaking of tender, the pec is still tender, but I think one more week off is all that it will need. This is a pretty whiny blog, but that is a bit upsetting as well because I have been really bent on getting my bench press back to where it was. I miss the power. The real heavy bar, moving up slow and steady. Deadlifts and shoulder presses are really the ones I miss most though. These are the exercises I almost need back. They appeal to me, deeply so. I have never in my life found them as appealing as I do now. I mean, I can really get tears in my eyes, and do, from watching powerlifting, olympic lifting, and strongman. Not out of sadness, of course, but because of the impression they have on me. The feeling those heavy lifts illicit. The DRIIIIIVE(I can hear it and feel it in my throat). As I write, I am literally getting INTO them. It’s hard to explain, but I’m getting INTO them, feeling the lift itself. Impressive lifts of pretty much any sort gives me goose bumps(I just wrote ‘goose Pumps’), they honestly make me stamp my feet and sometimes jump up and down, and defintely yell at whatever screen I am looking at. I’ve really become more emotional as I’ve gotten older. I’ve noticed that a lot in the last few years, I get tears in my eyes very often-from a whole slew of different things. I like to say though, that I’m really not that fragile, but I’ve become more sensitive. Sensitive to how people feel…somehow I can feel as they feel, sometimes just for a moment. It’s the same with the heavy lifts and lifters. I may be living vicariously through them, maybe that’s what’s happening, but I can definitely feel them.
In other news, my relationship with my on again/off again girlfriend went wayyyy into the off again zone last night. Funny how life works. I have actually been waiting for this to happen, I’ve been expecting this. I had it coming. Now some might say that is a negative, defeatist way of looking at life, but some should first accept that they don’t know the back story, the lead up. I know I had it coming because it played out exactly as I knew it would- exactly like it did when I was her and my ex was me two years ago. So strikingly similar that I’m afraid I actually know what is going to happen next and then after that. The only thing keeping me from believing that whole heartedly is that there seems to be some real differences between this relationship and the last. The main one being that the last one was doomed before it began with a real sense of understanding that it wasn’t right-not so with this one. Although, I have a fear…or a doubt or something telling me that this relationship is the sacrificial lamb, the lesson, the debt. Maybe it is and we’ll still end up together, maybe not. The strangest thing, the thing that’s really hard for me to wrap my head around, is that I will have to forget everything I just wrote to really get the most out of the lesson, and if she reads this-so will she. It’s like I have to play or act as if I don’t know what’s going to happen when I really do. Who knows, maybe I’ll get surprised…
