Krav Queen’s BodyBlog

Wow I underestimated the effect of music on my workouts. I trained abs tonight, and usually just workout to a good radio station like Kiss FM (in London). But I kinda wanted to crunk up the power of my workout cuz my abs have been doin well. Sooooooo I made a playlist on youtube of my fave tunes includinnnng THAT song by Drake "Best i ever had". (explicit lyrics)

 I was more than half way through my workout, and u know u get serious burn in the abs when u push them to their limit. So just as that happened this song I’m talking about came up- and just as well- because it totally got me going.

Haha anyways feel free to check out the tune I’m going on about, I can’t get enough of it and the video is hilarious.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Bodyspace is the SINGLE largest community of the hottest bods on the planet. Its actually quite amazing, I don’t think I’ve ever been so wowed by the insane number of shredded & striated bods on here.

And don’t underestimate the intent of those ppl on here who are about to embark on a serious transformation, if they’re on here and using everything to their advantage, I know they’ll also achieve a mean body.

 This might be a random kind of blog post but its just something that I was thinking about (I think about bodyspace a lot. How else can I keep on track when the odds are against my goals?) or maybe it came into my head cuz I appreciate a well proportioned muscular physique on a guy (particularly since things haven’t been too thrilling in the man department recently lol…. that might be too much info).

 Anyway just wanted to put that out there and let others know what i’ve been thinking about.  

As I’m writing this I feel really angry and hurt about something thats happening in my life right now. I don’t know why there has to be drama going on, but it seems to be generated by certain people who just can’t stand to see other people thrive.

Those bodyspace members on my friends list will probably be familiar with my obsession (or love…whatever) for Krav Maga and how important it is to me. When I originally started KM I didn’t want to go with a friend for support even though I knew there were no other women there. As far as I was concerned, I wanted to go there and train properly and not be distracted by friends and socializing.

 I don’t tend to make a fuss about KM to other people, I don’t talk about it much, but one time a month ago I was with some friends and we were talking fitness etc… so I started telling them about KM and how great it is. One girl who was there (a mutual friend of my friend) said she wants to try it…. So we eventually sorted something out and she met me there for a training sesh. After that, the pain in my shoulder started flaring up from weeks before (not from that session, but from my own intensive training at home, tabata style), so I had to stop KM completely.

The reason I’m writing this and the reason I feel quite hurt is that this same girl created a group on facebook for an all-girls 10 week krav maga course (taught by my instructor) and invited all of our mutual girl friends (a LOT of girls)- yes, all the girls who I would never want to train with in the first place. And here’s the best part, she didn’t invite me.

So here is a person who has JUST started KM, and by the way hasnt even got the balls to train with the rest of the boys so she has one-to-one sessions with the instructor, and has suddenly become the London ambassador for Krav Maga and excludes me? I think I’m fully justified in being pissed off. She even knows of my shoulder injury and never even bothered to text to ask anything about it. I find this whole thing so insensitive, and I have no place in my life for haters like her. I sent her a very blunt semi-rude message on facebook, not that it makes me feel any better…. it just festers the contempt I feel for her.

 I guess there are always going to be people around you who for some reason, don’t want to see you succeed. Its a horrible attitude, a totally unattractive quality for a person to have. Whatever, this kind of thing only makes me even more driven to be even better than before.

Why is it that so many British guys just dont give a cr*p about how they look? They wanna sit in pubs all evening, downing pint after pint meanwhile their beer bellies grow ever larger, or the only food in their vocabulary is ready-meals or fast-food. But the funny thing is that they think its okay for them to look totally neglected and still be able to get a good looking girl, but its so not the case the other way round.

 I think a guy’s appearance including his physique (not just being well-dressed and having nice hair) says a whole lot about his character and expectations in life. I wouldn’t want to be with a guy who isn’t bothered about taking care of his body- but expects me to look good. If I’ve taken the time and dedication to turn my own lifestyle around from being flabby with too much body fat to where I am now, it would be nice to meet a guy who considers these things equally important to him.

 Ive been on quite a few dates with some totally unsuitable dudes- either overweight or scrawny and fragile…. (fragile is just not going to work, with all my krav maga training, I could probably flatten him with my index finger). There are regular guys out there with not-so-average bodies, probably in the US where there seems to be more importance placed on looking good and reaping the benefits to your health. We need more of that US attitude here I think, but minus the extreme pressures that lead to eating disorders.

 Im not even going to be one-sided about this issue either- British women could do with an exercise revolution as well- because I think the majority of ladies here still have no clue about the WONDERS (yes i’m that enthusiastic about it) of resistance training. If I had it my way, they would get off the damn treadmill 5 days a week and incorporate serious weight lifting…and what would happen? well British ladies would finally wake up and get the body they want.  

 I don’t think its asking too much really…. Not only would people look better, but society would also be a healthier bunch of people- maybe fewer heart attacks, atherosclerosis, type II diabetes, etc etc.

Anyway, I’m still trying to work out if I’d rather have 6 pack abs than a boyfriend right now.

Recently I’ve been going to a lot of parties and seeing ppl I haven’t seen for a long time, maybe for 5 years….and pictures that are taken pop up as tagged photos on facebook and they get noticed. So many of the ppl I’m seeing for the first time in a while look suprised when they see me "omg what happened to u?" "where have u gone?" "ur anorexic, what have u been doing?(as a joke..kinda). I’m kinda vague about my lifestyle and say I eat natural and train a lot, and then everyone starts going on about how do you make it happen, how do u stick to it bla bla

 The thing is, everytime someone asks me that, I remember feeling that way- being desperate to change (but enough to actually make the change) and I really want to tell them everything- the nutrition, the timing, the training, everything….and sometimes I do waste my time answering my friends’ questions but whats the point? They don’t get it.

To me, this whole thing feels like a secret…. eat right, lift weights, do a bit of cardio- and u get the body u want !!! Hello? It feels like a secret because either ppl don’t know enough about the correct formula because its a trial & error thing, or they’re in denial and hope theres another, easier way.

 I feel like I want to share it with other people who complain about their bodies but, as u fellow bodyspacers know, it takes discipline, consistency and time. I’m not writing this blog out of frustration, i’m not even annoyed about it- I’m just happy all the knowledge can be shared here with you similarly- motivated people.

Well I finally saw a doctor today (British National Health Service is a bit of a joke to say the least) about my dodgy shoulder. I was actually suprised at the check-up I got cuz in the past he hasn’t really been thorough. Turns out the problem isn’t the rotator cuff at all which I thought it was; I’ve probably torn a muscle which means no krav maga at all until its fully healed.. and of course no weights either *sniff sniff*.

 Doc gave me a choice of physio or osteopath, I chose osteo… so i’ll have to have regular sessions though I dont know how many I will need, guess it depends what the osteo says. Not too thrilled about the whole thing but these things happen. Not looking forward to telling my krav maga instructor- I know he’ll be disappointed cuz we’d been working hard in the last few weeks (yes, whilst I had the shoulder problem but before it got unbearably painful…I shouldn’t have pushed myself at all). Not only that, but Russian Bitch just came back and I wanted to batter her on a weekly basis haha. Oh well, I’ll have to leave that on hold for now and save up some aggression for my return!

 So that’s the verdict really- not ideal but that’s the situation for now.

Well, I feel compelled to write this because London is getting colder, and already I can hardly remember what summer looked like. Something weird is going on, because for some reason I’m feeling very cold and shivery generally while everyone else around me says its not that cold and maybe I’m ill?? No no, I’m not ill, I would certainly know if internally I felt unwell so that’s not it.

And then it just occured to me, that for the first time that its turning wintery here, I do weigh considerably less than I ever have, with proportionately less body fat. So now I’m wondering if maybe I’m colder than everyone else because less bodyfat —> thermoregulation is not as efficient because less insulating fat tissue… its a possibility I guess.

It brings to mind those old people sitting in their houses, wearing 5 layers of clothing for insulation as they can’t afford to heat their homes because of the extortionately high gas prices in the UK. But thats another matter(!) The point is, old people feel cold because they haven’t got enough fat on them.

I posted this issue in the forums as a question, I wonder if I’ll get any answers cuz I’m genuinely curious if my theorizing is actually accurate.

No Krav maga training for me tonight, I feel my body has to re-fuel cuz I’ve been lacking energy lately- not to mention the busted shoulder. I’m seeing a doc about it at the end of the week…I’m rlly hoping for the best.

From now on I am not going to show my bodyspace to anyone around me, its just too problematic. Ive been meaning to rant about this since it happened a few weeks ago. I am very proud of the progress I’ve made and the fact that I’ve met the goals I set for myself and continue to work towards new goals- but I guess I sometimes forget that it can be dangerous to show the opposite sex my bodyspace page and all the changes I’ve made.

 I went out with a guy a few weeks ago, and I think he quite liked me- we’ve been friends for years but recently I started to see him in a different light so I thought I’d check it out and see if things could go further…. silly me, I made the mistake of showing him my bodyspace on my Blackberry because we were talking fitness and I was giving him advice etc….

For the next few days after that his text messages were almost invites for a shag fest and quite disrespecful, considering we’ve known eachother for years. At that point I realized its a stupid thing to share my world in this way with guys who wont be able to see past the bikini… I don’t know why I expected him to.

I guess that after so many years dying to get the body I wanted, the endless stupid sit-ups and overkill cardio 4 times a week, the diet with processed cr*p in it, I’m happy to have gotten this far and still almost can’t believe it sometimes. There are many people in my life who I still bump into from time to time who I havent seen for years, who never thought much of my appearance and maybe even gave me a hard time about it, and yeah I totally want to say look at me, and now look at you…. but thats a different story.

I feel much better after that rant, and can safely say I will not be showing any more dates my bodyspace from now on.

So I’ve just come back from a training session, I train about 3 times a week- but tonight was different. Yes, tonight my ultimate krav maga nightmare training partner suddenly returned after she disappeared off the face of the planet for a few months. Why is she a nightmare? well actually my name for her is Russian bitch because she’s got that incredible characteristic Russian strength and natural aggression about her- absolutely the KEYS in Krav Maga.

 When me and her train together, it gets ugly- purple and black bruises, bloody scratches, scarrs, the lot. I’ve been training a lot longer than her, and when I started I was pretty crap- but I’ve put in an insane amount of dedication and sweat to build up to where I am now, and im damn proud of that. What really pisses me off is that although she lacks technical skill, which is my strong point, she has the essential ingredient to being a great fighter.

Basically- Russian bitch reminds me of my weaknesses, and thats tough to take…especially since no-one wants to have their weak points shoved in their face. When I look at myself, do I see a fighter? Now I weigh about 53kg- the answer is I’m not sure anymore…I want to believe I have it in me.

The reason its ingrained in my head is because 2 out of my 7 uncles were pro boxers. My grandma had a massive hardcore gym in her house that they used to use with huge barbells (I was only about 8 years old so eveything looked huge, but they probably were…) and every weekend for yearssss I would watch WWF wrestling and whatever fight was on with them. Its hard to face a reality that goes against a perception you have/had of yourself…..and the reality is, that there is always going to be someone better, stronger, harder, faster, and tougher than u.

I’m not happy that she came back- I was sure she wasn’t coming back- (me and her are the only girls who train there). I would love to improve my fighting skills, but it takes a lot more than physical strength and speed- you have to break through personal barriers and alter your mindset, you need a mental toughness that doesn’t come overnight.

I don’t really have much of a choice about training alongside Russian Bitch…. it could even be good for me, in fact it probably will be cuz I have to get tougher. At least I don’t always have to train with her because we rotate partners which is good.

What’s interesting is that those same hang-ups you thought you left behind, like feeling crap or inadequate because you’re overweight or holding too much fat, still come back to bite u in the bum later on in life but in a different way. Its much harder to toughen the mind than the body.

Well I went to a cousin’s wedding on the weekend, and wore a gorgeous new dress that I could never have fit into a year ago before I ate clean and trained regularly…. Dinner was okay…. not especially healthy but why should it be?.. I had so much dessert, I dont know what got into me. And not only that, but since then (Sunday) I’ve had chocolate, a cookie, too much white bread (considering I dont eat white bread at all!). Anyway I hope to get my cravings back in check as of tomorrow- Its hard though because I still cant train properly because of my shoulder which still isnt 100%. I guess when I dont train, my mind kinda thinks its okay to let evrything else go.

 When u meet a certain goal, (like the fact that I fit into my dress), u should totally be proud, and of course allow urself treats and the opportunity to go out for dinner and to socialize, just as long as u remain committed to the process of developing urself to the best u can.