frolik’s BodyBlog

I hate how every time stuff is going so so so well, it freaks me out to the point that I intentionally sabotage it.  Like yesterday, when I had made it nearly a week without bingeing, was losing weight steadily, actually very close to a FLAT stomach- I binged.  Considering I ate over nearly 8000 calories yesterday, that probably puts me back to at least at 150, not incl. water weight.  So, long ways to go. On the bright side, my body is still less toxic, considering I haven’t purged in nearly 3 weeks.  Tried on jeans today- I think I’m a 7.  While that’s better than the 9 I was during winter break, that’s not too close to the 2 or 3 that I’d like to be, that I’m used to being.  At 5′4" - 5′6", a size 7 is big.  I’d like to be smaller.  A strong BAMF, confident, small person.

So I had bloodwork done at the doctor’s on Friday, and apparently there’s something up with my liver.  There’s a good possibility it’s from drinking once on St. Patrick’s Day, but I have to get it retested in 4 weeks, during which I can’t drink at all.  Guess that’s a good thing, considering coming up this weekend is the most absurdly alcohol-fueled, administration-sponsored shitshow of all Penn traditions.  Yay for yet another way to lose weight and not contaminate my body.  Speaking of which, I haven’t purged in 2 1/2 weeks!! WOOHOO!!! Haven’t gone that long since September.  The bingeing’s going down too, less than 3 x week, and getting smaller each time.  just like me =).

lots of ups and downs.

new daily:

6am smoothie

6:30 gym- 90 min interval cardio, 30 min weights

9am omelette

12pm 1/2 large salad w/ lentils and tofu, regular dressing

3pm steamer

6pm other 1/2 of salad

9pm smoothie

perhaps 30 min running, IF they fix the damn treadmill downstairs. grr.

feeling much better now, followed the plan today (as much as constant snow would allow…), and the weight’s back to 145.5 @ night, which means that by the time I weigh myself tomorrow morning, I may have lost from sunday.  score.

plan for tomorrow:

smoothie when I wake up

an hour of cardio in the morning (2 mi. run, then recumbent bike/ elliptical)

10A: omelette

running around city once again…

1P: salad w/ shrimp, 2 T dressing

running around city…

4P: 2 c. carrots
7P:  steamer

gym: 1 hr cardio, 30 min abs/weights

10P: smoothie

153. POST workout.  I’m not even going to bother entering that into my stats, it’s too gross.  Ladies and gents, reason #651 why bulimia is NOT a good way to lose weight- I’ve gained 9.7 lbs in 48 hours.

In other news, I was able to hammer out an hour and a half of cardio, which is acceptable I suppose.  Wish I could have done more, but oh well.  Why is it that generally, the #1 reason why I decide I’m done w/ a workout is to go home and do homework, even when on SPRING BREAK?? freaking spaztastic Ivy League work ethic, I suppose.

Plan for tomorrow:

gym in the morning: cardio, legs perhaps?

10 am-omelette

1 pm- salad w/ roughy, 2T dressing

4 pm- steamer (nonfat steamed milk w/ sugarfree flavor- absolutely delicious!)

7 pm- 2 c. carrots, tuna pkg.

gym:  more cardio, abs

10 pm- smoothie w/ protein powder

will be spending the day walking around downtown- kiddie museums, the Mint, and the flower show, so that’s many hours walking cardio.

~ 1185 calories

I can’t keep doing this unhealthy crap to my body.  It’s simply not worth the time, effort, or energy it depletes me of.  Therefore, despite the fact that it’s nearly 5 PM and I’ve done barely anything other than binge and purge for the last 48 hours,  I’m going to get off my ass, grab some caffeine and a protein shake, and get my bum over to the gym- where I will weigh myself (gotta know where I stand), and work out as long as I feel I need to, without beating myself up.  w00t. Thanks for the support, guys.

p.s. J, if you’re reading this, just want to let you know you’re absolutely the most supportive, incredible boyfriend I could ever ask for.  Thank you for cheering me up.

This is what happens when I let depression get to me.  I lose it.

I haven’t been to the gym since Sunday morning, I haven’t eaten real food since Sunday afternoon.  How do I get back on track??  I’m afraid to weigh myself, I think I’ve gained about 8 pounds in the last two days, no joke.

How do I make up for all that w/o going overboard??

So I’m starting over with March, this month will be as perfect as possible.

March 1: practice, ~1345 calories.
March 2: 1 hr cardio (elliptical mostly), 1/2 hr weights (arms, abs), ~1334 calories.

March 3: didn’t get to the gym cuz I slept until 11:30 (hey, it’s Spring Break.), but I walked downtown to get protein powder so that’s at least some exercise.  ~1195 calories.

March 4: (planned, anyways.  It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep.)  ~1539 calories (including the smoothie I had at 1:30 this morning when hunger was reaaally getting to me and I needed ANYTHING to avoid bingeing.  I WILL make this the month I stop bingeing and purging, it’s not worth my time!).  1 1/2 hr cardio, 1/2 hr abs

I’m gonna post "before" pics, feel free to help me out by telling me what to work on.  I’m slightly concerned because while I know I can easily lose fat, I don’t want to gain a ton of muscle, just make it stronger and leaner.  No, this isn’t one of those bitchy "oh no I’m going to look like a man" things, it’s simply that genetically, I gain muscle easily.  How can I slim down??

p.s. don’t tell me to eat less, I’m already fighting my nutritionist convincing her that muchos protein and about 1400 calories are adequate, she thinks I need more carbs and more cals.  This is what my body can handle.  Nothing more, nothing less.