A minor set back
I had to take a few days off from the gym because I got sick last weekend, but then when I was ready to go back I was de-railed again. This time by another relapse into my former depression. It was mild at first, set on by my son’s reaction to having to leave me to go with his dad for a a couple of days. He is starting to get more resistant to staying with his dad when I have to go to work, and the good-byes are becoming more emotional for the both of us. I worked Wed and Thrus days and was scheduled for overtime Fri and Sat days. I decided to ask my mom if we could stay Thrus night at her house so I could spend the night with him, and someone would be around to take care of him in the morning since I have to leave at 3:30 am. When he realized we were staying at his maw maw’s house he knew why and started begging me not to go to work, then almost started hyperventillating. This did not help my condition, but I calmed him down and we went to bed. When I got up he woke up and the first thing out of his mouth was "Please, no". and put his little arms around me. I calmed him down and got dressed, when I came back he could barely breathe he was crying so hard. My mom and I managed to get him calm again, we walked outside while I drank my coffee (we saw a shooting star), and when I had to leave he just kept begging me to stay. He has never been that emotional over me having to go to work before. Unfortunately it just sent me spiraling downward. Fortunately, though I have noticed that since I left my ex and started exercizing and eating better my bouts of depression are not as deep and don’t last nearly as long as when I was "stuck" in that destructive marriage. That happened Fri morning, and I already feel much better (although I’m still avoiding my co-workers as much as possible), and I will get my son back tonight until Mon night. We’ll se how that goes.
