psytrak

Well lately I’ve been extremely stressed, mainly work, and the other day I came home from a particularly bad day when I got into it over the phone with my father. Parents…. Even when you’re a parent yourself they still boss you around. So, not noticing I got wise with him and I could tell in his voice he was upset. As soon as I tried to apologize it was already too late, he said, I’ll talk to you later and hung up. Needless to say I felt worse, so as not to take it out on the wife and kids, I did as I always to and separated myself to calm down.

My wife is pimp. She came up and said, what’s wrong, to seem upset. I told her what happened; she kissed my head, and told me come down when you are ready. I stared at the computer; angry for about a minute or so, then told myself, either you can do something about it or continue to sit here like a lump on a log. So, a few updates to the resume and I’m posting away. That doesn’t help, well, no wonder; I’m still focused on what’s got me upset; so after 30 minutes or so I decided to work out. I must have done about tow hours of kettlebell workouts, then decided to stop. The combination of adrenaline, fatigue, music, and my wife & son popping there heads in really helped. After I was done, took a shower, grabbed the boy and sat down with the family to watch TV.

The thing that bothers me a lot is when I’ve got a lot of BS on the brain, training suffers. I’d like to say that it doesn’t but it does. Being upset all take takes a lot of energy, lets not even start with the loss of appetite. I know that throughout the day I’m going to have my moments that cheer me up, but, I’m worried that my performance is going to suffer. Jiu-Jitsu is like chess with the ability to break bones, the last thing you want it to be off your game. The chances of you getting hurt as not as high as the chances of you hurting someone, so it’s a concern, but at the same time, it’s days like this where I sometimes focus more. All and all, the rain, and the ****ed vibe at work aren’t making the hours tick faster.

Well that’s my pitty party for the day. Training is going to be just what the doctor ordered…

So, as a lot of you already know I’ve got two kids, paid for, and all. This morning I’m getting my morning protein shake ready in the kitchen when I hear, rumble-rumble, thump-rumble, DID ISA FALL!! (In a little voice) Then Paaaaapi!! so, the scooper for the oatmeal I just spooned into my shake goes flying and I’m full speed up the stairs, and who do I see pouting? The wife, and she’s holding the daughter, that just fell off the bed. I knew she wasn’t hurt because she was doing her I’m pissed off whiny cry, not her, ouch I’m hurt cry.

All I could say was, well we knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Then my wife was like, yeah, pout, but… then hugs the baby. She said while she was changing her, she rolled, and slid feet first, her but broke the fall, and my wife caught the daughter just as she hit the floor. Wifey said everything went in slow motion. I wanted to hold my little girl, and my son was already, hugging her feet, so my wife gave me the girl. As soon as I get her. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA then tears, then screams, then more WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I was like, yeah, she’s not hurt because if she was, then she would have been crying like this…. Daddy’s’ little girl my ass… lol

In order to stop the crying I give her back to momy, something about mothers, even til this day, I feel a certain level of safety around my mother. Yeah, I said it, my Moms still fights for me… ok, she only did that once, but I was bullied by a high school guy one day on my way to school–I was in 5th grade. I can still see my mother slamming him on the floor by his shirt  collar, and punching him in the face, saying, fight back, you little pussy!!! I love my mother! Oh she also took the bat from my and gave me a belt, told me to wrap it so the buckle hit him, again she rocks. That guy got so beat up that day, my bother was well known, and everyone knew me as the playful one that never looked for trouble so when they saw me crying, then saw me hit that guy, and take my glasses back they jumped him, so he got beat up by the guys in his school, punched by a fith grader, and beat by a mother…. wow talk about going off topic.