psytrak

There are few things is this world that annoy me more then people that come to work sick! I think that you remember the finger blow job, never ending bag of chips lady…. Well she has found a new way to top her placing on my list of people I don’t like by coming to work sick as shit! All I hear is snuffle cough cough sneeze! Who the F!!! gets sick in April…. I’ve time she sneezes, I say damn! To top it off she’s printing mad shit, SHE NEVER PRINTS!!!! oh, and who sits right next to the printer? yeah…. I’m about to hit her with my orange….. shot-o-vitamin"C"

To show you how much I don’t know about women, I found out today that my wifes abs are split. Men this means that when she was knocked up with my minions her sexy abs had to move two inches away from her to make room. Tell me that’s not crazy! Two inches! the center line on her abs are almost three fingers apart! Good thing is that I taught her a diaphragmatic  breathing technique that I use for my abs, that her Yoga instructor told her to do. Go P! knowing something that your wife can use!

The really pimpadocious part of all of this is that I could hear in her voice that she was really pumped to know that it’s not over for her. She had a real screw attitude because she thought she was not going to be able to get her core back. Now that she knows she can she’s her Yoga instructor also taught her some other ab workouts to do that are going to draw the muscles back to were they should be! I just thought that was something super cool to share!

So, as a lot of you already know I’ve got two kids, paid for, and all. This morning I’m getting my morning protein shake ready in the kitchen when I hear, rumble-rumble, thump-rumble, DID ISA FALL!! (In a little voice) Then Paaaaapi!! so, the scooper for the oatmeal I just spooned into my shake goes flying and I’m full speed up the stairs, and who do I see pouting? The wife, and she’s holding the daughter, that just fell off the bed. I knew she wasn’t hurt because she was doing her I’m pissed off whiny cry, not her, ouch I’m hurt cry.

All I could say was, well we knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Then my wife was like, yeah, pout, but… then hugs the baby. She said while she was changing her, she rolled, and slid feet first, her but broke the fall, and my wife caught the daughter just as she hit the floor. Wifey said everything went in slow motion. I wanted to hold my little girl, and my son was already, hugging her feet, so my wife gave me the girl. As soon as I get her. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA then tears, then screams, then more WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I was like, yeah, she’s not hurt because if she was, then she would have been crying like this…. Daddy’s’ little girl my ass… lol

In order to stop the crying I give her back to momy, something about mothers, even til this day, I feel a certain level of safety around my mother. Yeah, I said it, my Moms still fights for me… ok, she only did that once, but I was bullied by a high school guy one day on my way to school–I was in 5th grade. I can still see my mother slamming him on the floor by his shirt  collar, and punching him in the face, saying, fight back, you little pussy!!! I love my mother! Oh she also took the bat from my and gave me a belt, told me to wrap it so the buckle hit him, again she rocks. That guy got so beat up that day, my bother was well known, and everyone knew me as the playful one that never looked for trouble so when they saw me crying, then saw me hit that guy, and take my glasses back they jumped him, so he got beat up by the guys in his school, punched by a fith grader, and beat by a mother…. wow talk about going off topic.

I know that sounds lame / impossible, but ever since my obliques started getting stronger, I can’t get my abs to flex the same anymore. Now that I think about it sneezing hurts too. I think I partially separated my floating rib about a year ago, so now whenever I flex that side, stretching, sneezing, anything I can feel the tingle from there. Back to the abs, any suggestions? I feel like such a tool…..

I’ve just been told that the weekends are off limits for my workouts…. LOL My body is my mistress, and my wife is not liking the amount of time we spend together… I would normally go to train tonight, but there is a fighter coming to the school from Brazil and I don’t want to pay the money for the seminar, so I’m taking tonight off. I figure, well, not fighting tonight, so I can hit the abs to work towards the goal.

While on the phone with my crazy I let her know this, and in a very loving yell she said that I’m becoming obessed.. (I knooooow–teeehee) She then went on to say "I forgive you for the week, but the weekends are ours" (Meaning her and the kids) Which is true, I spend all day Saturday with her and the tax deductions, and Sunday I teach Jiu-Jitsu at my sons karate school. Friday nights where given to the training for NAGA, and I’ve been trying to milk that, but that’s part of the weekend, so, that’s cut out now. She then went on to say "You can blog this all you want, and I know you’re trying to come up with quotes!" She knew something was up because I was really listening, where I would normally be trying to cut her off to defend myself.
She makes me laugh because when I start to get out of shape she’s like "Baby chunky" and squeeze my belly, but now I’m doing it too much, eh, at least she doesn’t complain about the Jiu-Jitsu..   It’s ok because once she starts working out again she’s going to be worse then me. I’m going to go home and she’ll be using the baby as a counter balance for her Pilates–Babe, what are you doing with the girl? Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ve got a good grip on her with my toes.

I don’t got to the gym, for me it’s all about my two kettlebells, the floor, doorway, and my Swiss ball. Since I’ve moved the pull ups have not been easy, IE no pull up bar, so I use the ledge of the doorway–Ninja Worrier style. Since I’ve set the new goal of six pack by June I decided last night was going to be 85% abs on the Swiss ball. So I was watching the Ridge Line Fitness guy on youtube and took a few of the things he was doing and worked them myself. It wasn’t until I put more air in my ball that I realized it’s too big. It’s a great seat, AWESOME for SOCOM, but that’s not happening anymore, so, it could be used for other things…..

So, there I am, working out, and lost. I didn’t write down what I wanted to do, so I couldn’t remember what set I was on, and where to stop/start. Just the slow isolated moved that I was doing where enough to make me sweat like a fat man. I finally get to the second time around on my Swiss ball for my swimmers kicks, and circles, when my wife is like, that looks dangerous. As I went to say, what are you talking about, my body weight shifted and I went upside down, getting pinned between the ball and the wall. Without blinking she say, see, that’s what I was talking about, you need good balance to do that, or you’re going to end up looking like you do now.

Did she even try to get the ball off my back, no, shit, she didn’t even stop putting things away. I swear it’s like I just went from sitting up to leaning back in her eyes. Meanwhile I’m upside down, with my chin in my chest, legs flying all over the place, as I’m trying to walk my hands up the wall to get back on top of the ball. Finally I said to myself, screw it, and fell side ways. No sooner then my leg touched the floor did I pop up, looked at here, and said, gee, thanks for the help. I wasn’t too surprised when she giggled, an Oh, ma bad, thought you had it…. Dork… that was my response to her. Think that would stop me, nope, back on the ball and I finish my set.

Since I don’t have a pull up bar I’m doing this one armed pull up mod on the swiss ball, NIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!! I felt that more this morning then I’ve ever felt any pull ups the next day, felt so gooood! I have a curse, I can workout to failure rest ten minutes and start all over again. That sucks for the abs because I need / want to feel that breaking point, and since I don’t have a gym at home and I don’t workout at a gym it’s a hard thing to do. If anyone knows a great way to do this please let me know, oh and planks kick ass when you do this series; came up with it last night.

Plank series:

tighten the abs, flex the hips to the chest and hold for five breaths

lift right hip up and flex the left obliques — hold for five breaths

switch sides and repeat, that’s one set. I did those until failure..

I’m not sure how many of you sit on your ass all day like me, but I tell you, it sucks!!! I have never had as many problems with my back as I do now. All day long it’s like an internal battle to sit with good posture, but it last about as long as I’m thinking about it, then slouch! Not to mention it’s really tuff to stay awake…. So if you where ever wondering, yes, I’m bored….

So, what’s for breakfast? Funny you should ask….I’m having oatmeal, OATMEAL!!!! GEEE that sounds great!!! (Corny 50’s jingle music) Singing– It’s full of fiber, and it’s delicious, OH! Guess what?! It’s also nutritious! End of song. Don’t forget that eating with no sugar, or butter makes it taste like nothing….. I’m having it again today, but I always spice mine up. I put cinamon, nutmeg, and honey. Even with all of that, I’m still getting bored. I have to read my Clean eating book for more options. I was going to buy some barley, but I got scared of messing it up when I cook it, so I passed. Please tell me you have another breakfast option….

Anyone that has read my blogs knows that I’m a k-bell junkie. I was looking at this site to learn how to get a better workout with my Swiss ball, that linked to a site that had a great article on kettlebells. So for anyone that wants to read about it, or see a guy that honestly has a chiseled build from them check this site out. Read the article and let me know what you think about it.

Oh BTW, BCAA & Protein, actually work for me. Forgot to take them after my workout last night and I’m hurting today…   Man I love the pumped feeling I get after working out heavy. Looking in the mirror after isn’t half bad either… lol

Ok, as parents we always complain about the kids, the noise, the not listening, the toys and junk all over the place blah, blah, blah, but when the little snots are not around there is a void. I can’t explain it with any better word. It’s a void because it’s bigger then something missing, it’s a sensation of being incomplete, something that nothing else can replace, a void. My son went with his cousins for the weekend and will not be coming home until Tuesday night, which isn’t a long ways off, but long enough. Not to mention, it’s not the weekend when we’re like OMG!!! This week and you did not go together well yes you can sleep over your cousins house, one night of not pulling my eyebrows out will be awesome!

This morning was the oddest. I’m accustom to waking up and yelling at him to get out of the bed, hearing his little voice complaining about how tired he is, then seeing him flop down on the bed hugging his sister, but not today. I walked by his room and stared at it for a second, his light off, and the blue glow coming from outside his window made me miss him more. There were no little toes for me to pull, no little feet for me to tickle, and no little monster to wake up, just me awake in the morning. My wife still sleeping, half hugging the body pillow, turned diagonal on the bed with a corner of the blanket on her, and my daughter looking like a flying tree squirrel as she lays in her crib were great to see this morning, but my monster, he was not there.

I know he’s going to come back like a hurricane, yelling, and wild. Talking to me in his extra loud not so inside, inside voice, he’ll tell me about all the stuff he did, what he ate, and everything in between. I’ll be able to wake up in the morning and see the orange glow from his lamp under his door, as I go for my morning shower. When I come home crazy boy will be right there with his big eyes, playing or watching TV if his mother doesn’t have him doing something. I’ll stop if here. I forgot to load up on my BCAA/Priten after working out last night so I"m done!!!!! Over cooked like a piece of jerky… YAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNN!!