MSN’s “Eat Your Way Slim in 20 Simple Steps” and why there a JOKE!!!!!
MSN’s “Eat Your Way Slim in 20 Simple Steps” and why there a JOKE!!!!!
I was surfing through www.MSN.com when I happened on this article in the health/weight loss section (which I will link below). After reading through it I realized it was all a huge waste of time and space and perhaps the worst advice I have every read towards weight loss and I will explain why on each one!
1. Always eat dessert = Yes, always. “A small amount can signal that the meal is over,” says Barbara Rolls, PhD, author of The Volumetrics Eating Plan. She ends her meals with a piece of quality chocolate — and she’s a doctor. Other options include mini-cupcakes or fruit.
The reality = OK why don’t we just tell people that it ok to stuff down a bowl of ice cream after they have eaten a healthy meal! I mean seriously come on chances are the person looking to loose weight has the will power of a piece of paper in a hurricane!
2. Blot out the fat = You can use a napkin to blot a teaspoon of fat off a pizza slice. That may not sound like a lot, but multiply it by a slice a week, and that’s more than a whole cup of fat you won’t eat — or wear — this year.
The reality = First off where in any health book is a pizza healthy (I mean ones you get from major chains)! I means seriously why not put the napkin down and the plate and not eat this in the first place! Even if you can remove a “CUP” of fat from a few slices of pizza chances are you have already consumed enough calories from that to last you the whole day! Oh and I doubt that all your going to eat all day!
3. Take the beltway = When junk food beckons, tighten your belt a notch. Not so you can’t breathe, but so you have a gentle reminder of the size you’d like to be. “The scale isn’t the only measure of weight,” says Roberta Anding, RD, a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association.
The reality = Tighten your belt???!!! WTF! Most people don’t where their pants on the stomach unless your 70 years old and look like Steve Urkel, beside fat doesn’t happen in 60 seconds or less! And your actually stomach is located more towards you chest then you think so perhaps may you should start shopping at the places your grand father goes and BAM thin in seconds! COME ON PLEASE!
4. Go public = Enlist the help of coworkers, friends, and family — and know they’re watching. “The power of embarrassment is greater than will-power,” says Stephen Gullo, PhD, author of The Thin Commandments.
The reality = Ok chances are if your overweight your friends and family are not Olympic athletes and/or personal trainers; in fact most likely the reason your big is because your friends are big and you all eat the same crap! So maybe this is no a good idea to rile on their weaknesses to help you in any way!
5. Get spicy with it = Capsaicin, the substance that puts the hot in hot pepper, temporarily boosts your metabolism. Just make sure you’re drinking a yogurt lassi with that searing-hot chicken vindaloo. Dairy blocks capsaicin’s sweat-inducing signals better than water.
The reality = Alright ulcers for everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. Milk it = Consuming 1,800 mg of calcium a day could block the absorption of about 80 calories, according to a recent University of Tennessee study. Jump-start your calcium intake by filling your coffee mug with fat-free or 1% milk, drinking it down to the level you want in your coffee, then pouring in your caffeine fix. That’s 300 mg down, 1,500 to go.
The reality = Why consume any calories period from milk which contains a lot of glucose (or simple sugars) which spike your insulin and cause the body to creak FAT! Just take a DAMN vitamin C pill!
7. Go organic = That’s where you’re likely to find bread and cereal with fiber counts that put the conventional choices to shame. Thought you were doing well with your 3-g-per-serving Cheerios? Nature’s Path Slim blows it away with 10 g. (And it really doesn’t taste like a shredded shoebox.)
The reality = Although I do agree with organic as a better path then all the “processed” product coated with enough chemical to kill all the buffalo, but perhaps the real question here “how” organic is the so called ORGANIC food you buy from local Wal-Mart! Chances are pretyy much it like old Simpson’s episode where all the different kinds of Beer (Duff light, Duff Draft, and regular Duff) where all coming from the same DAMN tub! Unless you have a Make your own bread oven I highly doubt your getting a completely organic piece of WHEAT Bread or bowl of OATS!
8. Splurge on precut veggies at the supermarket = Sure, they cost more, but you’re more likely to eat them. “Make low-energy snacks as easy as possible,” Rolls says. “Keep vegetables as near to hand as you can. Make it so you have no excuse.”
The reality = OK so let me get this straight, your expecting someone who has lived off of potato chips and milk dudds to put those down for a ear of broccoli as a snack?? Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!! You might as well ask a used car sales men to stop lying about the history of the cars they sell!
9. Practice fine dining = Pick a restaurant where you’ll actually want to linger. “When the meals are not hurried, the presentation is beautiful and the portions are reasonable so you can regulate your attitude,” Anding says. That means your body — not the empty plate — will tell you when to stop.
The reality = OK this just speaks for its self!!! Olive garden here I come!!!!!! WOW this whole time I was mistaken, I mean they have a great atmosphere and nice presentation and VERY SLOW SERCVICE!!!!!! I am well on my way to weight loss now!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. Don’t skip your 3 pm feeding = “Have a 150 calorie snack [now], and it can save you 400 calories later,” Anding says. An ounce of nuts or two sticks of string cheese weigh in at about 170 calories.
The reality = Please refer to my answer on #8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11. Increase your a-peel = Speaking of fiber, a lot of it’s in the peel, whether it’s potatoes, apples, or pears. Even oranges — don’t eat the whole peel, but keep the pith, that white stringy stuff; it’s packed with flavonoids. More nutrients, more fiber, less labor.
The reality = WHAT does this have to do with a “Slimmer YOU”! Just because you eat a potato peel will in no way cause to suddenly become full from the .02 ounces of extra fiber you have consumed from an orange! Perhaps this should be under a section of how to eat a little healthier because the truth is fiber can help you get full fats but it need to be consumed in a decent amount not a potato peal! Although the sad part is someone somewhere is saying to himself “well I eat the French fries with the peals on them so I must be on the right track”! LAMO!
12. Drink with your dominant hand = If you’re circulating at a party, Rolls suggests keeping your glass in the hand you eat with. If you’re drinking with it, you can’t eat with it, can you?
The reality = Yes because 99% of the human population can do even the simplest task of using there other hand to grab food and put it to their mouths!
13. Plate it = Whatever it is, don’t eat it out of the container and don’t bring the container to the couch. “Part of satiety is visual,” Anding says. “Your brain actually has to see the food on the plate, and when you reach into the jar, or the box, or the bag, you don’t see it.” If it’s worth eating, put it on a plate. Eat what’s there, then stop.
The reality = HOT DAMN well what if the mans bowls/dishes are huge as a serving dish’s? So maybe that whole gallon of bluebell ice cream is now “OK”!!!
14. Keep your hands busy = Find a way other than food to work off your nervous energy. “It’s behavior modification,” Anding says. “Instead of grabbing a bag of chips, you pick up your knitting. Art works, woodworking works — anything that occupies your hands.”
The reality = Alright finally justification for “MASTURBATION”! lol Or perhaps you realize that 99% of th trouble starts with have to much time on your hands in the first place! Or in 100% of people homes there is this thing called a TV which suck the brains cells straight from your mind and cause you to stuff your face like a hungry Hippo and soo you turn to a mirrior and one is staring back at you! Hint: GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!! Go join a GYM, take a walk, play a sport, hell even ride a bicycle!
15. Take 10 = When your mind strays from your desk to the vending machine, it could be hunger — or it could be boredom or irritation with your boss. If you’re still thinking about snacking 10 minutes later, then you’re probably hungry. Think of it as a chance to have one of the nine servings of fruits and vegetables you need each day.
The reality = If your mind stays away from work and has you standing in front of a “VENDING MACHINE” for comfort chances are your have problems only a psychiatrist needs to help you with!
16. Go out for ice cream = Or an eclair. Or even guacamole and chips. Just go out. Don’t keep your danger foods in the house. You can’t eat half of a carton of ice cream that’s not there.
The reality = “You can’t eat half of a carton of ice cream that’s not there!” YEAH Tell that to people at the “MARBLE SLABS”!!!!!!!!!
17. Start with salad = It’s the holy grail of dieting — eat less by eating more. Rolls’s research has found that eating a salad as a first course decreased total lunch calories by 12%. Avoid the croutons and creamy dressings, which have the opposite effect.
The reality = WOW we are so heading to OLIVE GARDEN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! SALADS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! WTF!
18. Just scrape by = Always order your bagel or burger with a plastic knife. Use it to scrape off the excess cream cheese and mayo. You could shave off as many as half the calories.
The reality = A plastic knife perhaps you try and order your food with out that STUFF in the first place! I mean come on people even BURGER KING has the slogan “HAVE IT YOUR WAY”!!!!!!!!!! JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
19. Send back the bread = All it takes is a wave of the hand, a smile, and a “No, thank you.”
The reality = A wave of the hand to say no to freshly baked free rolls are you insane even a are core health nut like myself has trouble saying NO to freshly backed bread! I don’t have an answer for this one but other then to say this is probably the best advice on here and “JUST SAY NO” besides it fills you up to quickly and ruins you main course if you ask me, because you get filled to fast! While you’re at it say NO to the ICE TEA, it contains sugar, unless its unsweetened which we all know how many people get the unsweetened tea! Just ask for water not only will it save you like $3 but it a lot better for you as well!
20. Go crazy — sometimes = Deprivation won’t make you thin — or happy. Designate a meal or two a week when you can eat absolutely anything you want.
The reality = WHAT THE F&@k ?????????? OK I am 100% convinced the writer of this thing should be dragged from his bed and shot, but chances are he is pretty heavy so better brings some strong friends with you!
April 18, 2008 at 11:18 pm
LOL
Your right about this being a JOKE, MSN must not have very high standards on their information… It would not surprise me if the same guy that wrote this article was also writing about Hollywood gossip…
What is not a surprise to me although I wish it were, is that not one of these "tips" mention exercise… that would be my first tip.