“Change comes from with-in”

Patience these days seems to be in such short order, and it amazes me that so many are in such a rush to get to the end rather then enjoy the journey. One thing bodybuilding has taught me is that time, consistency, and patience are the only true constants in life.

#1 = Time is not something we should rush, because with time comes experience and with experience comes knowledge, and knowledge is power. #2 = Consistency is like the mortar of life; with each day we compile things in both the physical and the mental worlds that structure our life and define who we are as a person.

Message from fellow Challenge member:

"Well guys, this is our first full week and I am glad to report that still to this day we have had no casualties. You know it’s a funny thing with all of these doubters out there that used to say you guys won’t make it a month, now they simply say wow I don’t know how you guys do it I couldn’t do it. You see these people who critique just do it cause it comes natural to them and they figure that they don’t have the will power so how could we. As far as me, I am beginning to see results already have gone from roughly 202 to 196.5 which is huge since I haven’t really been working out, but things are about to change since I got the p90x at home. So with that said one week down eleven to go and I have no doubt that if we stick to our guns and continue to support one another we will get through this just as I thought and knew we would. So keep running with our heads down and our tuna spoons up. Krempus how about you how are your results coming.

~ Daniel "

MY REPSONSE!!!:

“WOOT!!! WOOT!!! ONE WEEK IN AND MORE DEDICATED THEN EVER!

      Well my friends like Daniel just said it has been one full week and I am proud; no I take that back…“VERY PROUD” to say I have not had one diet soda or cheat meal at all! I have been 100% dedicated to this diet as I can see you guys have too, and it is very motivating to know we have all come this far and to think how the results will be in just a few more weeks! You guys have motivated me to stay 100% on track in this and I thank you for standing with me! I truly can’t wait to see what other results this diet has in store for us.

      As far as my progress: I have not lost any weight, but rather gained weight according to the scale (started out at 195lbs) but my last weight in which was Wednesday night was 200lbs. I can tell you this much though all that is 100% muscle gain because I am loosing body-fat like crazy. My work pants (dress pants) are now finally starting to fit loose again rather then tight around the waist like they did last week!

      Guys I can tell you from experience; those naysayers who doubt your dedication to this challenge are only doing so because they are too weak minded to say no to there own desires which in turn is killing them slowly. I have lost too many family and friends to not be weary of the effects of not taking care of the one body you are given in this world. “R.I.P. Charley”. Let their doubt fuel your inner fire and then watch as their doubt turns too jealously because they will have seen you accomplish something they themselves could never do. Every time you think about going back or have doubts about this challenge I want you guys to know that the rewards of your dedication to your well being will “1000-fold” out way that momentary pleasures you will get from eating junk food or not training when you know you should.

      I will be out in memorial park again this Saturday morning; and I would once again like to invite you guys to come out and walk, jog, or run with me the park and afterwards maybe toss the football around or do some sprits.  

TRAIN HARD, EAT CLEAN, SLEEP WELL, REPEAT!!!”

I am very thrilled to hear that all of you have stuck it out through this and have shown me we can truly accomplish anything once we put our minds to it!
 I would just like to say congratulations to everyone for making past the hardest part of the lean down challenge “the first weekend”!
 The weekdays are going to always be a lot easier because you have encouragement/support always around you while you are at work, but the weekend stands as our greatest threat, because temptations are all around us and will power can be stretched to it limits especially while family and friends who are not supportive of your “goals” linger amongst you!
 Remember:
“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”

<strong />

Stay strong and know I am in this with you 100%!!!

<strong />

<strong />

<strong />

OK so this morning begins the “lean down challenge”!!!!

12 weeks to change you life! (Aug 1st - Oct 31st)

WOOT WOOT! I am so stoked! 

I look forward to seeing all the results of everyone in this challenege with me!!

I weighed myself this morning at (194.5lbs) and I know this is probably off so I am not going to take it 100% serious till I can weight myself again the same weight three days in a row. I plan on taking my before shoots tonight with the days paper to prove the start date. 

I posed a challenge out there to anyone interested in joining in a 3 month (12 week) lean down! And the responses I have been getting are awesome! I love it! You guys have really shown me I am not alone in wanting to change my bad habits before they take control again! “NOW IS THE TIME”

I received this email this morning from a fellow member of the challenge and it really brightened my day to know I am not the only one truly taking this challenege seriously!

Thank you to all those who are with me in this! 

“Gentlemen,

This is it, this is your last night before we change everything about us. First it starts with the mind lets get our minds set and get ready to do the unimaginable and give these people something to talk about. I’m talking about us bringing shame to all the doubters out there saying they won’t make it I got news for you and them its called I look good naked how about you. Once we get our minds set the rest is a cake walk, once we have conquered our minds and get rid of the junk that says you can’t do it and just go out there and do it. Plus we have each other for moral support so next time you see someone eating a BIG MAC and your are struggling with your Tuna, just think I have come this far and I am not going back I refuse to die of heart attack by time I’m forty. If we do this, this will be the beginning of a revival in our lifes not only physically but also mentally. Let show these crappers what it’s all about. So enjoy your last day before the beginning of something that will suck but will pay off in the long run. In closure who’s with me.

~Daniel Salinas”

Response:

It really means a lot to me that you all have decided to join me in this challenge! This is not something I am taking lightly and I know deep down this can mean big things for all of us when we complete this for our selves. To truly know that we can and will not let our weaknesses be a driving force for us. Like Daniel says this is going to be a huge mental battle as well as physical and its going to take all our combine willpowers to help us control our eating and our exercising routines. I know we can do this; as long as we have each other and our pure will of determination we can accomplish anything! We are not getting any younger and it’s about time we started living for ourselves and thinking about our health, because frankly it’s truly all we have!

Please don’t forget (I know you don’t want too) BUT remember to take a BEFORE picture of yourself!!!

Trust me this will be a huge motivation! To see yourself for how you truly are and not the “fake in shape” image your mind creates for yourself! It’s really a hard shock and will make you realize why you now eat that tuna, broccoli, and half cup of whole grain rice combo and why you don’t need to drink beer, or eat that desert, and why you need to get up and exercises! Denial is the reason we all have fallen and I am sick of hearing “DENIAL” from us its time we except the facts and do something about it!  

…and the lean down begins…

I am so ready to loss these extra pounds I have gained from bulking/cheating! I was at the gym last Saturday and a trainer there took my weight and body fat measurements (203lbs and 14.5% body fat)!

WOW I have gained a lot from just a few months ago!

Now don’t get me wrong a lot of it has been muscle and I am very proud of that, but I am currently carrying an extra 20lbs or so of worthless fat and I don’t like that. So I am hoping to drop about ten pounds of fat and gain about 5 pounds of muscle the next 12 weeks!

The 12 week lean down begins in… 8..7..6..5..4..

Change your thoughts and change your life – The Art of Cognitive Reframing
From: http://www.urbanmonk.net
We never, ever, see the world as it is. Our awareness – our beliefs, past conditionings, upbringing, the list goes on – these distort everything we see. They creep into every interpretation and misinterpretation.
This is obvious; you must have seen it for yourself. The same person can elicit very different reactions, wildly varying feelings in a crowd of onlookers. One man looks at a beautiful woman; he feels a sense of yearning. Another sees a potential new friend, and yet another shies away – he will never be good enough for her.
One of the most painful misinterpretations lies in self-perception. How do you see yourself? Realistic self concepts are rare, but a negatively distorted perception ruins lives. Weaknesses are magnified, assets and strengths are ignored. We have a tendency to compare; this leads to low self-esteem; a strong feeling of inadequacy and constant unhappiness.
A low self-esteem is the proverbial ball and chain; it drags you down in almost every area of your life – from your romances and your relationships to your work, your ability to achieve your goals.
This is a mixture of techniques that has worked tremendously well – it is based on cognitive psychology, with a touch of Zen.

Self-Concept Inventory

Bring to mind an issue, something that is holding you back or causing you fear and sorrow. Perhaps it is your physical appearance; perhaps it is the way you relate to others. It could be something in the way other people see you, a part of your sexuality. It could even be your performance in your school or work.
Find a journal, and begin writing. Write down the positives and the negatives in as much detail as you can. Be honest, be deep, and don’t censor yourself. Let it all pour out unto the paper.
An example: you might be feeling insecure about your physical appearance. So write down everything about it – your style of dress, your facial features, specific body parts, skin, height and weight.
The next step is to begin to organize it. On a fresh sheet of paper, dig out each description and write them on a new line. Mark each description appropriately: a + sign for the positive, a – for the negative.

Some Examples

Here are a few random personal examples, taken from a wide area of possible topics:

• [-] Physical: Too tall, potential dates feel intimidated.
• [+] How I relate to others: Good listener.
• [-] Work: Very bad with accounting and record-keeping.
• [-] Personality Traits: Too sensitive, emotionally weak and easily hurt.

Examining our weaknesses

The first thing we have to realize is that there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has flaws, imagined or real. The problem lies not in having flaws, but in using them to attack ourselves, in giving them more power and attention than they deserve.
Our self-inventory are unlikely to be accurate; examination is vital – seeing facts for what they are is refreshing, empowering. Find a fresh sheet of paper, and begin to revise your weaknesses with these rules, taken from [1] Self-Esteem :
1.      Remove all negative labeling. A friend was condemning himself, calling himself a loser because his business wasn’t making him much money. Such descriptions are painful; cut all such words from your description.
2.      Replace negative labels with accurate language. What are the facts? They are all you need – not the labels, not the insults. For instance, his business made a thousand dollars profit the last year. That is all he needs.
3.      Be as specific as you can. We often take one situation and generalize the effects across a wide spectrum. He had generalized a perceived failure in business, seeing as a reflection of his totality, his entire value. He had ignored everything else in condemning himself – his family, his friends, his personal growth – that makes up his life.
4.      Find exceptions. Sometimes we generalize in a different direction – deeper instead of wider. A failure in one business might be taken to mean a guaranteed failure in all future ventures, causing him never to try again.
5.      Find corresponding strengths. Very often, there is something positive to be found in an event or personality trait, one that we have ignored by focusing on the negative. What is it?

Reframing Sensitivity

It might be helpful to see an example; so let’s have a look at a personality trait: Too sensitive, emotionally weak and easily hurt.
The first step was to remove the negative label – emotionally weak. It was a label, a criticism, and not a statement of facts. It served no real purpose. The other two were closer to descriptions of reality, so they stayed.
Too sensitive, easily hurt.
Next, I rewrote it to be as accurate as possible. I investigated – why did I start calling myself easily hurt? I realized I was quite sensitive to criticism; one comment could stay in my head for days and weeks.
Too sensitive to criticism, easily hurt by it.
Next was specificity. Was I sensitive to every negative remark? No, I handle constructive criticism very well. In fact I welcome it. Abuse by someone who had done it in the heat of the moment doesn’t affect me very much either – I understand how wild emotions could lead to words one doesn’t mean. Calculated attacks cut me the most.
Sensitive and easily hurt by calculated attacks.
Last, and most important, was to find exceptions and strengths. I had taken many attacks to heart and brooded over them for days; but there were also times I didn’t.
I also found corresponding strengths. I had considered being sensitive a weakness, but it carried many benefits – in social situations, it put me at a distinct advantage. Some have said it helps me in my writing; others have said it is a blessing once I achieve my career goal of being a counselor.
Sensitive and easily hurt by some calculated attacks. But it helps in social situations, writing, and my future career.
In addition to this, I wrote down the specific instances and memories of exceptions and blessings.

Additional Examples

A reader might struggle to see how this applies to some of the other traits; it might be helpful to examine briefly another trait.
Before: Too tall, ladies feel intimidated.
After: I am 6 foot 4. One or two women in a crowd have been intimidated. There will be a few more in the future. But most have no problem with it; in fact, many will like the sense of security a tall man gives. There are also other benefits – in certain social situations, in leadership, and in many sports.
What a difference it makes! The effects of an unexamined label can be drastic. In my teens, I was so insecure about my height that it crippled me socially. One or two girls had been intimidated by my height; I took it to heart, and without examination, let the memories grow into a crippling label.

Understanding

Sometimes, a reframing and examination is not enough. Understanding will be helpful for the more painful labels.
A close friend was upset because he wasn’t doing very well after a few years of business; he was barely paying the rent. When I talked to him, I reminded him of what he had gone through in the past few years. He had gone through a nasty divorce; it had triggered severe depression and several bouts of anxiety. He had spent most of his income, energy, and time on mental health professionals, and was only recently well enough to dedicate more time to his business.
I walked him through the various steps, asking him to see his situation objectively. His competitors had begun their ventures the same time he had, but they were driving fancy cars, and that upset him. But he was still making a small profit; he was still paying the bills. It was therefore inaccurate for him to call himself a “failure”.
In fact, how could he blame himself? He should have been proud of having the courage to go through what he had gone through. It had been a tough few years, and he did extremely well considering the circumstances. Understanding is vital for deep sorrows; I have described it in [2] more detail here. You might also like to read the guilt series – [3] The Importance of Overcoming Guilt, and [4] A Guide to Handling Guilt and Self-Punishment.
I also asked him what benefits he got out of it. He paused for a few minutes, and began nodding. “I’m far stronger emotionally now. I can handle things I could not handle before. I’m more compassionate, I connect better with people.”
“Can you see how this would make a positive difference in your future life and business?” I asked. He nodded silently, a slight smile on his face.

The emotional charge

This next step is one that regular readers will be familiar with, for I sing its praises all the time. But don’t let that put you off – loving and neutralizing the emotional charge that accompanies your weaknesses is one of the most powerful steps you can take.
Your emotions underlie your thoughts; they are intimately connected. We’ve worked on the level of thoughts up to this point, to boost the speed of your internal change, work on the emotions as well.
This has been covered in detail in the [5] emotional mastery series, but here is a quick summary.
Welcome the emotion, feel it completely without necessarily acting on it. Emotions are there to be felt. If we don’t feel them, instead trying to avoid them, run away from them, they just go deeper in our systems, showing up in other ways – aches and pains, addictions, influencing our behavior. Just relax into it – the body might tighten up, so just keep relaxing. Feel it through the body, without thinking about it. Explore how it feels. Ride it out, and it will release its hold on you.
The first option is to heal the negative label directly; think of the weakness and heal how it makes you feel. The second is to go back in time. Find the first date that stood you up, the first time someone laughed at you for being overweight, and heal that pain.

Your New Description

The next step is to simply write up your new description of the situation or yourself. Many flaws and setbacks might still be there, but this new description is rooted in reality and not clouded by judgment, emotions or time.
This description, then, is something to be obsessed over. Read it constantly; think about it every chance you get. You might even carry it around in your wallet or purse. You could also leave it in prominent areas of your bedroom, your office - anywhere you spend a lot of time. Let this practice remove the misinterpretations that has been hurting you all this time.
Any time you are feeling down, turn to this new description. Heal and release the emotions your old description brings up.

Remembering the Exceptions and Strengths

The final step is to analyze the exceptions and the strengths. You’ve remembered the exceptions to your perceived weakness, their corresponding strengths. More importantly, we should focus on specific situations.
Take your time here, and dig up compliments, awards, and everything else you can think of. Write them all down, big or small. The reason for this is simple: many brains are wired to remember the negative and forget the positive. Our self-image, our very happiness – they are then created around our negative distortions.
For instance, I have always thought of my teenage self as shy and awkward around the opposite sex. Certain painful memories reinforced that image – I had latched onto the negative and distorted them so that they seemed to represent my entire past. Upon investigation, I began to recall many positive experiences with the ladies – in fact, they numbered more than the negative.
There might be discomfort at this step; many of us will have been raised to be humble. People tend to respond negatively to those we see as boastful or proud. But it is perfectly fine to blow your own trumpet in private – it is healing to your self-esteem.

Contemplating the Exceptions and Strengths

Meditate on this – close your eyes and repeat the benefits and strengths; relive these instances. Feel them.
Write down these instances in the same way you’ve written down your realistic view of your weaknesses. Read them, obsess over them. There is no major difference in the way we’re handling these and the way we handle our weaknesses; we’re giving them extra attention.
These forms of affirmation and contemplation are different from wishful thinking, building castles in the air. We are not imagining a false reality – we are basing them on reality, specific memories and instances.
Try it for yourself, and see if it doesn’t make a change in your life.

Change your thoughts and change your life – The Art of Cognitive Reframing
From: http://www.urbanmonk.net
We never, ever, see the world as it is. Our awareness – our beliefs, past conditionings, upbringing, the list goes on – these distort everything we see. They creep into every interpretation and misinterpretation.
This is obvious; you must have seen it for yourself. The same person can elicit very different reactions, wildly varying feelings in a crowd of onlookers. One man looks at a beautiful woman; he feels a sense of yearning. Another sees a potential new friend, and yet another shies away – he will never be good enough for her.
One of the most painful misinterpretations lies in self-perception. How do you see yourself? Realistic self concepts are rare, but a negatively distorted perception ruins lives. Weaknesses are magnified, assets and strengths are ignored. We have a tendency to compare; this leads to low self-esteem; a strong feeling of inadequacy and constant unhappiness.
A low self-esteem is the proverbial ball and chain; it drags you down in almost every area of your life – from your romances and your relationships to your work, your ability to achieve your goals.
This is a mixture of techniques that has worked tremendously well – it is based on cognitive psychology, with a touch of Zen.

Self-Concept Inventory

Bring to mind an issue, something that is holding you back or causing you fear and sorrow. Perhaps it is your physical appearance; perhaps it is the way you relate to others. It could be something in the way other people see you, a part of your sexuality. It could even be your performance in your school or work.
Find a journal, and begin writing. Write down the positives and the negatives in as much detail as you can. Be honest, be deep, and don’t censor yourself. Let it all pour out unto the paper.
An example: you might be feeling insecure about your physical appearance. So write down everything about it – your style of dress, your facial features, specific body parts, skin, height and weight.
The next step is to begin to organize it. On a fresh sheet of paper, dig out each description and write them on a new line. Mark each description appropriately: a + sign for the positive, a – for the negative.

Some Examples

Here are a few random personal examples, taken from a wide area of possible topics:

• [-] Physical: Too tall, potential dates feel intimidated.
• [+] How I relate to others: Good listener.
• [-] Work: Very bad with accounting and record-keeping.
• [-] Personality Traits: Too sensitive, emotionally weak and easily hurt.

Examining our weaknesses

The first thing we have to realize is that there is no such thing as perfection. Everyone has flaws, imagined or real. The problem lies not in having flaws, but in using them to attack ourselves, in giving them more power and attention than they deserve.
Our self-inventory are unlikely to be accurate; examination is vital – seeing facts for what they are is refreshing, empowering. Find a fresh sheet of paper, and begin to revise your weaknesses with these rules, taken from [1] Self-Esteem :
1.      Remove all negative labeling. A friend was condemning himself, calling himself a loser because his business wasn’t making him much money. Such descriptions are painful; cut all such words from your description.
2.      Replace negative labels with accurate language. What are the facts? They are all you need – not the labels, not the insults. For instance, his business made a thousand dollars profit the last year. That is all he needs.
3.      Be as specific as you can. We often take one situation and generalize the effects across a wide spectrum. He had generalized a perceived failure in business, seeing as a reflection of his totality, his entire value. He had ignored everything else in condemning himself – his family, his friends, his personal growth – that makes up his life.
4.      Find exceptions. Sometimes we generalize in a different direction – deeper instead of wider. A failure in one business might be taken to mean a guaranteed failure in all future ventures, causing him never to try again.
5.      Find corresponding strengths. Very often, there is something positive to be found in an event or personality trait, one that we have ignored by focusing on the negative. What is it?

Reframing Sensitivity

It might be helpful to see an example; so let’s have a look at a personality trait: Too sensitive, emotionally weak and easily hurt.
The first step was to remove the negative label – emotionally weak. It was a label, a criticism, and not a statement of facts. It served no real purpose. The other two were closer to descriptions of reality, so they stayed.
Too sensitive, easily hurt.
Next, I rewrote it to be as accurate as possible. I investigated – why did I start calling myself easily hurt? I realized I was quite sensitive to criticism; one comment could stay in my head for days and weeks.
Too sensitive to criticism, easily hurt by it.
Next was specificity. Was I sensitive to every negative remark? No, I handle constructive criticism very well. In fact I welcome it. Abuse by someone who had done it in the heat of the moment doesn’t affect me very much either – I understand how wild emotions could lead to words one doesn’t mean. Calculated attacks cut me the most.
Sensitive and easily hurt by calculated attacks.
Last, and most important, was to find exceptions and strengths. I had taken many attacks to heart and brooded over them for days; but there were also times I didn’t.
I also found corresponding strengths. I had considered being sensitive a weakness, but it carried many benefits – in social situations, it put me at a distinct advantage. Some have said it helps me in my writing; others have said it is a blessing once I achieve my career goal of being a counselor.
Sensitive and easily hurt by some calculated attacks. But it helps in social situations, writing, and my future career.
In addition to this, I wrote down the specific instances and memories of exceptions and blessings.

Additional Examples

A reader might struggle to see how this applies to some of the other traits; it might be helpful to examine briefly another trait.
Before: Too tall, ladies feel intimidated.
After: I am 6 foot 4. One or two women in a crowd have been intimidated. There will be a few more in the future. But most have no problem with it; in fact, many will like the sense of security a tall man gives. There are also other benefits – in certain social situations, in leadership, and in many sports.
What a difference it makes! The effects of an unexamined label can be drastic. In my teens, I was so insecure about my height that it crippled me socially. One or two girls had been intimidated by my height; I took it to heart, and without examination, let the memories grow into a crippling label.

Understanding

Sometimes, a reframing and examination is not enough. Understanding will be helpful for the more painful labels.
A close friend was upset because he wasn’t doing very well after a few years of business; he was barely paying the rent. When I talked to him, I reminded him of what he had gone through in the past few years. He had gone through a nasty divorce; it had triggered severe depression and several bouts of anxiety. He had spent most of his income, energy, and time on mental health professionals, and was only recently well enough to dedicate more time to his business.
I walked him through the various steps, asking him to see his situation objectively. His competitors had begun their ventures the same time he had, but they were driving fancy cars, and that upset him. But he was still making a small profit; he was still paying the bills. It was therefore inaccurate for him to call himself a “failure”.
In fact, how could he blame himself? He should have been proud of having the courage to go through what he had gone through. It had been a tough few years, and he did extremely well considering the circumstances. Understanding is vital for deep sorrows; I have described it in [2] more detail here. You might also like to read the guilt series – [3] The Importance of Overcoming Guilt, and [4] A Guide to Handling Guilt and Self-Punishment.
I also asked him what benefits he got out of it. He paused for a few minutes, and began nodding. “I’m far stronger emotionally now. I can handle things I could not handle before. I’m more compassionate, I connect better with people.”
“Can you see how this would make a positive difference in your future life and business?” I asked. He nodded silently, a slight smile on his face.

The emotional charge

This next step is one that regular readers will be familiar with, for I sing its praises all the time. But don’t let that put you off – loving and neutralizing the emotional charge that accompanies your weaknesses is one of the most powerful steps you can take.
Your emotions underlie your thoughts; they are intimately connected. We’ve worked on the level of thoughts up to this point, to boost the speed of your internal change, work on the emotions as well.
This has been covered in detail in the [5] emotional mastery series, but here is a quick summary.
Welcome the emotion, feel it completely without necessarily acting on it. Emotions are there to be felt. If we don’t feel them, instead trying to avoid them, run away from them, they just go deeper in our systems, showing up in other ways – aches and pains, addictions, influencing our behavior. Just relax into it – the body might tighten up, so just keep relaxing. Feel it through the body, without thinking about it. Explore how it feels. Ride it out, and it will release its hold on you.
The first option is to heal the negative label directly; think of the weakness and heal how it makes you feel. The second is to go back in time. Find the first date that stood you up, the first time someone laughed at you for being overweight, and heal that pain.

Your New Description

The next step is to simply write up your new description of the situation or yourself. Many flaws and setbacks might still be there, but this new description is rooted in reality and not clouded by judgment, emotions or time.
This description, then, is something to be obsessed over. Read it constantly; think about it every chance you get. You might even carry it around in your wallet or purse. You could also leave it in prominent areas of your bedroom, your office - anywhere you spend a lot of time. Let this practice remove the misinterpretations that has been hurting you all this time.
Any time you are feeling down, turn to this new description. Heal and release the emotions your old description brings up.

Remembering the Exceptions and Strengths

The final step is to analyze the exceptions and the strengths. You’ve remembered the exceptions to your perceived weakness, their corresponding strengths. More importantly, we should focus on specific situations.
Take your time here, and dig up compliments, awards, and everything else you can think of. Write them all down, big or small. The reason for this is simple: many brains are wired to remember the negative and forget the positive. Our self-image, our very happiness – they are then created around our negative distortions.
For instance, I have always thought of my teenage self as shy and awkward around the opposite sex. Certain painful memories reinforced that image – I had latched onto the negative and distorted them so that they seemed to represent my entire past. Upon investigation, I began to recall many positive experiences with the ladies – in fact, they numbered more than the negative.
There might be discomfort at this step; many of us will have been raised to be humble. People tend to respond negatively to those we see as boastful or proud. But it is perfectly fine to blow your own trumpet in private – it is healing to your self-esteem.

Contemplating the Exceptions and Strengths

Meditate on this – close your eyes and repeat the benefits and strengths; relive these instances. Feel them.
Write down these instances in the same way you’ve written down your realistic view of your weaknesses. Read them, obsess over them. There is no major difference in the way we’re handling these and the way we handle our weaknesses; we’re giving them extra attention.
These forms of affirmation and contemplation are different from wishful thinking, building castles in the air. We are not imagining a false reality – we are basing them on reality, specific memories and instances.
Try it for yourself, and see if it doesn’t make a change in your life.