Just 1 Fat Chick on a Diet

Today I am THROUGH doing things the healthy way. I feel like all this time was wasted….I feel like a child again, being called fat, and disgusting. Just uncomfortable in my own skin. My stomach is so sick…and my body is shaking..I wish people realized that the words they say cut like knives. Today my grandfather, while I was playing Wii surrounded by a crowd of my family…said to me "Wow lori anne…you really put on some weight." I stopped for a moment stunned..thinking he must be joking…and after some prompting from my uncle to stop humiliating me he continued…

Uncle: "Pop..leave her alone shes healthy….just means she eats"  I know he was trying but it just made the situation worse

Grandfather: "You’re heavier than your boyfriend…what happened."

 I have battled so long with my weight. I have worked so hard..and 40 lbs lighter I feel fatter and more sick of myself than I ever have.

I tried on about 300 pairs of shorts at Khols two days ago…Up to size 13 and none of them fit me properly, if they even zipped at all. I feel like drastic is the only way to do things. I’d rather be dead than continue on being the "healthy" "heavy" "chubby" "thick" girl…I have worked too damn hard…I hate myself more than ever. And everything from childhood, to high school to failed realtionships and cheaters…and little remarks people have made. Its all creeping up like bile. I am done.

Well physically back on the mark, and feeling healed from the procedure completely for a few days. Restarted going to the gym two days ago with a Straight Up Strength class with my friend Claudia and then again today for Hi/Low (a beginners step) and maybe some Powerflex (strength training).

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL however, some relationship set-backs have happened and have me down in the dumps majorly. My insecurities are through the roof. Moreso than they have been for almost a decade. (god I’m old enough to say that and have it make sense…ew)…So there are two ways this could go and I think I know which it will turn out: I could either fall into a depression and stop giving a ****, or I can hit the gym harder than ever and TRY to bring my confidence back up. Unfortunately confidence isnt as directly effected by weight lifting as muscle development. Creeps up when it wants too and dissapears unexpectedly and all too often. However my friend Claudia and I joined a gym together and have a M, T, Wed, Thurs, Sat schedule that could put some of the top profiles on here in some serious soreness, so I know she wont let me faulter. Hopefully when the changes come about I’ll start to feel better about myself, but I’ve found throughout this journey that I was actually slightly more confident when I was heavy and didnt care. The more I scrutinize my body the more I hate it, no matter how its changing. :/ Yesterday I had a breakdown in front of the mirror and felt myself slipping back into a body dysmorphic phaze. I looked at myself and just could almost see myself expanding. I had the worst panic attack and my boyfriend came in to find me on the bed hysterical crying, with a pile of clothes that made me look "obese" at my feet. I know its in part due to these hard times, and the lack of control I feel in my life. Its hard to keep those past voices out of my head from when I was bulimic. I dont want to lose what I’ve taken so long to build.

I need your help, honestly to keep my head in the game. And to point out any changes you see, cause right now. I see gains gains gains..and the scale is showing gains and losses and gains and losses. Its making me crazy.

 

Thank you all for the warm welcome back. FINALLY had my Dr’s appt for those who have been with me for a while you know what I mean. I had two biopsies taken, but the Dr told me its probably nothing to worry about. In excruciating pain, so I’m going to go lay back down. No sex for 4-6 weeks…::does the sign of the cross:: I’m not going to be happy.

 On the bright side. I’m down to 156, but excersize will certainly lag from the pain. And I’m not sure if I’m allowed to work out directly after. Gotta check into that. My motivation is actually up..but pain is dominating it right now. Will check back soon. Must get back into bed

So glad to be back. Sorry to anyone who has sent me comments between june 13th and now..I havent responded cause I have been banned temporarily for my last blog.

I have to admit not much changes have been made on the scale. I do however feel like I am toning a bit more. I decided to start Steve P’s Fitness Poynters Group, but I am not doing so well with the strictness of the diet.  I am switching it up a little or else I surely wont stick with it at all. I tried to take a step in the right direction by premaking my meals for the week and freezing them, and I finally got the money to go food shopping for all the things I needed for the diet, so maybe I can work it out somehow. But for right now I’m trying to keep pretty close to his diet plan with a few small adjustments of my own.

 As far as the workout plan. I am trying to balance my classes at the new gym I just joined (Bally’s) with Steve’s plans for me. Right now I am super sore from classes and am giving myself the week to try everything at Bally’s, since I just joined, before I start figuring out how to combine the two. Problem is I go with a friend and she is all about the classes. I am def starting to see why. I love them. Did pilates and straight up strength so far..

 And of course, with my recent ban from bodyspace, it has been hard to keep the motivation up. I need that support from you guys and boy I have REALLY missed some of you. Glad to be back!!

For the people who were a part of the below-mentioned thread…You are all sickening…this is not what this site is for and you are all useless individuals for using someone else’s life for your kicks, whether they are motivated to make a change or not is on them and you are all pathetic for maliciously prompting their space as a means for your amusement and voting for this poor guy at his expense. I hope all of you choke on a chunk of whey that wasnt mixed well enough in your shake!!!

Dont like what I have to say then bring it on…Cause I’m not afraid of anything or hurt by anyone who has no decency…You are all wasting your time on this site..cause no one is here to be a part of your fan club..this site is for motivation no ego-trippin.

 stupid ****ers…

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=116963241

 

Sorry to my friends…but nothing hurts me worse than seeing people act like a bunch of children!

WEIGHT: 170 lbs

height 5′4

AGE: 24
ACTIVITY LEVEL:
LOW -Moderately active

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CALORIES ON LOW ACTIVITY DAYS 1300-1500

(days where you get no workout in. Even small workouts where you’re really not pushing..try and stay in this range..light

strength training or < 30 min cardio)

 

CALORIES ON WORKOUT DAYS 1500-1800
(strength training heavy or +30 min cardio)

AVERAGE CALORIES 1500

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ABOUT MACRONUTRIENT RATIOS

Your macronutrient ratios are how you are going to balance out your diet simply put. A diet high in healthy fats, and lower

in carbs….(according to my trainer) is going to do something very special..your body burns carbs first, then fat, then

protein…If you limit your intake of carbohydrates (not too much cause you need them for fuel and function) your body will

burn them with your activity and then begin to work on burning off the fat. Once your body begins to start burning fat..you

will see definite changes.

Protein: Great for muscle development and a good percentage of your diet. Most people who weight train suggest between 1 to

1.5 grams of protein per lb of body weight.

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DIET SPECIFICATIONS-PARTIAL FOOD LIST & GUIDELINES
                      
                  PROTEIN:

protein powder is an excellent way to add protein to your diet..expensive but lasts long and is worth it. I use gold standard

chocolate whey, but I’ve heard some good things about other products..stay away from the bars..they’re high in sat fats

calories and carbs, althought detour buzz caramel peanut bars are a good cheat instead of a snickers..tastes the same..Make

sure if you use milk to measure it…1 mug does not equal 1 cup ;op

lean meats..try to stay away from red meats…things like fish (Salmon tilapia halibut to name a few), chicken, tuna, shrimp,

lobster…eggs- hardboiled, fried (in tsp olive oil), scrambled etc..try to use mostly whites and one or two whole eggs for

their healthy fats…
low fat to fat free cheeses and dairy watch out for the sodium increases in shelf products…(to make up for the

taste)…cottage cheese, greek yogurt (high in carbs, but also high in protein)

peanut butter (good mix of fats and protein)…
nuts (keep serving sizes as accurate as possible..they add up on the calories and fat fast..1 oz to a .5 oz is plenty for a

portion size)

beans: great source of protein and an easy add to a meal or a salad..good with some brown rice and some chicken with fat free

sour cream ;op yum
                      
             FATS (primarily monosat some polysat fats):

TOTAL FATS SHOULD EQUAL 50-70g primarily monosaturated fats, rest should be approx 12g polyunsat fat, 12g at MAX from sat

fats and 2 g or less from trans fat

Will be easy to meet your fats for the day, cause they will primarily come from your good proteins IE. fish, nuts, beans,

peanut butter

Also healthy fats:

Oils: Olive oil, flaxseed oil, sunflower oil, canola oil, seasame oil, soybean oil, walnut oil, peanut oil (A TSP or even

HALF is packed with calories and healthy fats, so just use in moderation)

Avocados: Haas Avocados have more good fats then Florida avocados. so try and buy those…(yummy on a salad..with some

chicken and hardboiled egg 1/4-1/2 avocado is a good serving size)

Olives: black olives, green olives, or olive tapenades..I’m not a huge fan..but will eat them from time to time on a salad
Serving (10 olives or 2 tblspns tapenade)

And believe it or not some CHOCOLATES (some) are good for you! Wohoo..Dark or semisweet chocolate chips, shavings or chunks..
IN MODERATION…It says a good serving is 1 1/2 oz..I think thats even a bit much, but I would go for some chocolate covered

cashews (.5 oz) as a good healthy snack..I suggest if you’re a chocoholic like me and once you have one you have to have

20…stay away from this healthy fat..before it becomes an unhealthy one ;op and watch out for carbs on this..

AGAIN Trans Fat: Non-existent as humanely possible ;op under 2 g a day                    Â
 Â Â Â Â 

 CARBOHYDRATES (all cOMPLEX carbohydrates.Try for no exceptions)

SHOULD BE BETWEEN: 80 and 110 g, with an average of approx 90g a day

100% Whole wheat products, fruits, vegetables, sweet potatoes, beans, brown rice, bulgar wheat, . Stay away from labels that

read high fructose corn syrup and things that are white in color really like regular pastas and breads ;op

also read my blog commments from a wee bit back..they are very imformative..some people on Bodyspace have great ideas!! I

linked you at the bottom
                      
          SODIUM

At MOST..you want your sodium below 2300…will be hard..but this is where its important to keep track of anything

shelved…sometimes in products that are "low cal, low carb, low sugar" there is an increase of sodium..sodium also used to

be the only means of preserving foods back in the day and although we have other ways now, a lot of companies still keep

there sodium the same because they dont want to compromise the taste after so long…so just watch out..sodium will make you

BLOAT and hold a lot of water…and is horrible for you health overtime when in excess

                      
           FIBER
Between 25-35 g daily..also going to be difficult due to the cut in carbs, a lot of your carbohydrates are going to contain

your fibers…fibers keep you full for longer and are great for your digestive process in that they get

things…"moving"…if you catch my drift. I try to incorporate fiber into every meal…

 

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               OK CONSOLIDATED BREAK DOWN:
CALORIES: AVERAGE @ 1500

          LOW ACTIVITY DAY 1300-1500
          HIGH ACTIVITY DAYS: 1500-1800

MACRONUTRIENT RATIO: 25 40 35
TOTAL FATS: Average @ 60 g…

low cal/activity days: 50-60
high cal/activity days:  60-70

POLYUNSAT FATS: approx 12 g daily

SAT FATS: less than or equal to 12 g daily

TRANS FATS:(if you MUST) under 2g

MONOUNSAT FATS: primary fat intake-rest of fat grams for day
CARBS: AVERAGE @ 90 g
       low cal/activity days:  @ 80-90g
       high cal/activity days:  @ 90-110g

PROTEIN: AVERAGE @ 150g
         low cal/activity days:  130g
         high cal/activity days: 180g                    
                           
                      
                                    LINKS
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  Some Facts about healthy and unhealthy fats:
 http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3045789

  MY blog ALWAYS stop in..its usually trying to help motivate and I ask a lot of questions with great responses and answer

some sometimes too lol: http://blog.bodybuilding.com/presidentswife

Read the comments on this specific blog post, because it involves what to watch out for as far as carbohydrates, specifically

commments by Jmorgan… http://blog.bodybuilding.com/presidentswife/2009/05/19/starting-to-track-the-diet-again/#comments

   Great recipe for a fat and fiber rich breakfast cereal with peanut butter and flax (bought at health food store/vitamin

shops) opt for the half serving:
 http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/breakfast1/r/flaxpdcereal.htm

   Great Excersize: killer!!! will leave you breathless..I say about 3 sets of 12 is good http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=9LS3PunC_aE&feature=channel

   My killer abs routine (we did this that day at the gym): http://blog.bodybuilding.com/presidentswife/2009/05/22/my-15-min

-abs-routinei-did-this-for-a-friendhope-its-
helpful/
  
   Where your calories came from: http://www.fitwatch.com/qkcalc/caloriedeficitcalculator.php
  
   Where your macronutrient ratios came from: http://www.freedieting.com/tools/nutrient_calculator.htm

   Just an idea of how I eat daily (not always perfect ;op): http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?

id=PRESIDENTSWIFE&dte=6%2F13%2F2009

Good luck…Dont be overwhelmed or feel defeated..you control your body..not the other way around…just use sparkpeople.com for entering all your foods..great way to get things just right…usually I TRY..try being

the key word, to plan ahead..and this way I start my days off right. And it also gives you a food shopping list..based on

what you eat every week

Lots of love and luck

Lori Anne

 

Thank you everyone for your awesome advice. I’m not only using it for my own progress and inspiration but to help people who are close to me who are wanting to make a change…like my bf and one of my close friends :0) I really have done a lot of research on my own, but I wouldnt even have taken this much of an interest or had this much confidence to help others without all of your advice and input accompanied by that of my trainer. The next few blogs will be the advice I give out to friends and the diet plans I set up…adjustments are always welcome! :0)

I’ve been thinking a lot tonight about my life, due to a car accident down the road from my bf’s mother’s house tonight…where a man was ejected from his car…reminded me of a friend of mine who is in the hospital right now, who had an accident and was also ejected from his car through the sunroof and thrown into a wooded area. He is 24 years old….was a beautiful person, cool, collected and kind from the moment you met him. He just had an aura…

 He suffered some pretty intense fracturing of his skull…kind of an understatement. His skull was pretty much gone. Major head injuries….and just recently stopped responding to the pain…its confirmed that he has suffered a fair amount of brain damage. We were all hopeful at first, even though his face was beyond unrecognizable when we first saw him at the hospital. It was heartbreaking, to see someone so young…in such a state. It was something I’d only ever seen before in a movie the amount of damage that was done to his face and head. But at the same time, he was still alive, still respondent in part to the pain and so fragile. We saw his hand and his leg move…it was misguidingly hopeful…although in the back of our minds we knew not to be…There was a lot of pain, and sympathy and fear…and anger…cause he had made a decision to drunk drive and dont this to himself.

Between this accident and reading the news story about the police officer who was paralyzed and brain damaged from being hit by a drunk driver…I really started to think about the situation with Steven (friend in the hospital)…I didnt know him well…but I guess there was still a lot of hurt there from just the thought of losing someone so sweet and with so much more to his life.

Now I am against drunk driving..but I also see the flip side of it, being young and seeing the way people view drunk driving and sometimes the pride or inconvenience of having to be driven somewhere or stay somewhere or pay for a cab…I get it.This may not make sense to most people I kind of feel bad for people who are in these predicaments because of a bad decision, because they are probably suffering as well…and I’ve seen people who I know arent bad people make the same decision time and again…thats not the purpose of my blog to exude anger…its actually gratitude strangely enough that I came to write about

How dare I be ungrateful…for any ache and pain, for any tired, unmotivated day…How dare I not make the most of this body that I have been blessed enough to have…to be able to move every part of me and go for a run or do situps…Its given me a different kind of motivation all together. This body that I am in is the most beautiful priveledge I have and so help me I better spend every single day appreciating every part of it and making it the best I can…and not complaining if my arms are too flabby or dont tone like I want them too..Or that my legs are too fat and have cellulite…I should be grateful that I am fully mobile and have every chance in the world to better my body and to live my life with (reasonably) good health….And that is not a privelege everyone has.

I havent really been feeling phenominal the last couple of days, and not terribly motivated, but I have been doing at least a mile run in 15 minutes every night. I’m supposed to do 30 min of cardio a few times a week…but instead if I did this every night mixed occasionaly with some strength training. Is this ok too?

 So question is..better 30 minutes 3-4 times a week…or 15-20 min everyday?

I’m on a high protein diet and usually drink some whey after I run before bed..I was thinking about going half whey have caesin powder cause I heard that its better for the nighttime for men who are building muscle because its slow reacting….

 Although I do want to build muscle I dont want to slow my nighttime metabolism or anything…is this for me..or not? Should I stick to the whey?