So I haven’t been on here much at all lately. The last 6 weeks or so I’ve really fallen off the wagon and now the last week has been completely mentally devastating and I don’t even feel like living right now let alone lifting. I’ve been working 6 days a week at work and spending all my spare time trying to start a new website so I’ve had pretty much no life and I’ve only gotten to the gym maybe one or two days a week if that and I’ve been eating crap and I’ve lost nearly all my gains I worked so hard for.
I also broke up with the girl I was seeing a few weeks ago, or i should say she decided to start ignoring me. Then this week I had a HUGE fight with my mom and vowed to never speak to her again in my life because she’s extremely mentally abusive and psychotic (just as a small sampling, while I was fighting with her she started going off on my sister telling my sister she’s worthless and should kill herself because her son would be better off, the family would be better off, and the whole world would be better off. She also lied to me and said my father had a heart attack the week before and I didn’t even know about it cuz I’m such a horrible son. She’s NUTSSS). She consistently says horrible things, lies, steals, snoops, manipulates, and tries to turn everyone against each other. My dad won’t talk to me cuz he always sides with her no matter what and despite the fact that all three of her kids think she’s a complete nut.
Then today I saw the ex that I mentioned in a previous blog at a coffee shop and she pretended like she didn’t even see me like she does every time I see her out (unfortunately she lives two blocks from me) so I wrote a really long letter finally telling her how much she has hurt me over the last couple years and how horrible I think she is to have treated me the way she has when i was never anything but incredibly nice to her, patient with her, and never once even said anything bad to her despite her doing so so many crappy things to me over the last 4 yrs and repeatedly hurting me and showing absolutely no concern or remorse EVER for ANYTHING and she wrote me back telling me she never even thinks about me and thinks I’m a big joke and will report me if i ever contact her again. With this response I am 10000% convinced she is a sociopath with absolute zero empathy. I obviously shouldn’t care knowing that but i don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that the one and only girl I ever fell crazy in love with the moment i met her and felt a connection with turned out to be the absolute worst person I’ve ever encountered in my life and I’ll never be able to comprehend how someone can be so absolutely callous, cold hearted, and completely nasty. At this point I really think she’s as horrible a person as Hitler. She has absolute zero concern for anyone but herself and is completely nuts. She’s so disgusting it makes me want to vomit. The first several weeks I knew her she seemed like such a sweet, caring, intelligent, and fun girl who I found incredibly physically attractive and was my absolute dream girl and she turned out to be the Devil. I mean if you do a search for her name on Google, the only thing that comes up is an Athiest meetup group she started, which is so fitting because she is absolutely Godless and completely morally reprehensible. I’ve disliked plenty of people in my life but I never hated anyone till I met her. I truly truly hate her with the passion of 1000 suns. I hate her more than words could ever express.
It’s not helping that all my friends seemed to have disappear right now and I can’t even talk to my own parents.
So yah. I’m having a very hard time finding motivation to go to the gym right now. Especially since on top of all this I finally asked the girl at the front desk for her number after talkin to her every time I go in there the last few months and then she doesn’t even answer or call me back. It really seems the whole world hates me and I’m completely alone right now.
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