pinkdrpepper03’s BodyBlog

I feel….depressed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I think I obsess over what I eat and what I look like to the point that it’s not normal.  I drive myself crazy anytime I gain a pound, or anytime my clothes get tight.  I’ve been trying to eat as clean as possible, and when I don’t I feel so disgusted and it’s like I can see it in the mirror.

I really think doing shows are awesome, and so much fun! And when you’re looking good, you feel great. But…after the competition is where I get crazy.  I only got down to about 134 for my competition this summer, maybe 130 pushing it. After the show, I maintained a healthy looking 143, gaining about 5 pounds before my period, but then losing it after I started.  That five pounds is something I expect.  But today is different. Today, and yesterday…and for the past week I haven’t been my healthy 143..instead, I have gone up to an ugly 151. Actually a couple weeks ago it was 154 one day and I freaked out! I know I haven’t drastically gained that much muscle, but I don’t think I drastically put on that much fat either.  I feel like I’m losing my mind. This sport really ****s with you. I guess no one on here writes about that part. Everyone puts out to be perfect like they never cheat once and a while, or they don’t get depressed when they gain weight and don’t feel comfortable in their own skin.  I feel like I only look good when I’m restricted to food choices. and I don’t eat bad when I’m not "dieting"…To me, having milk is cheating. Whole wheat bread is too….

I just want to be happy with me.

I am so excited about this off season! I know it’s probably in my head, because no one has natural gains this fast, but i feel like i’ve grown in my upper body since this summer.  I see it in my shoulders and def in my triceps.  I’ve been kicking ass in biceps, because I know they need to grow.  I’ve been trying to lift as heaving as possible, with keeping form.  Sometimes I think I doubt my own strength.  Last week when doing legs, i went up to two plates on each side on smith machine box squats. I think I did about ten reps, at what–180 lbs?  (I know that bar doesn’t weigh much, if any)..only because Chris pushed me mentally to do it.  I don’t know…anyway-this off season has been fun. I love to lift and watch my body change. The "diet" has been good too. More like an eating plan, but it’s been working. For me, the difficult times seem to only be right around that time of the month …but I think most women go through that.

anyway, everything has been great and I can’t wait to be on stage again!

Yummy!

Last week I didn’t take my cheat meals because I was paranoid. BUT he has them in there for my sanity so I’m def enjoying it tonight!  I had half of a subway personal pizza, two cookies, and I’m working on some ice cream. Can you tell I love sweets? I have class from 6:30-9:30 tonight so i’ll eat some chicken around 8 on break.

anywhooo—gotta love the cheats!

-Kati

Ok! So this summer I competed at Teen Nationals and placed third…out of three.  I’m not going to lie–I cried.  I had been working so hard for that competition, bulking, cutting, etc. for about two years.  When I was up there, I was so stressed.  I felt like I had messed up somewhere along the way and I should have hired someone to help me.  So, with that said I learned my lesson and I hired Tim Gardner and joined the BodyTech team.

I’m really excited to watch my body change under the guidance of Tim.  He told (basically) I have good genetics, we just need to get all the baby fat and water off while building more lean muscle.  So, I’m on an eating plan and of course he’s written out my workouts.  I usually hate dieting!!! I hate not being able to just hang out with friends and not have to worry about packing food…but this time around I feel really different.  I feel good.  I’m excited to wake up and eat my egg whites, and I’m excited about pushing myself with the cardio…I usually hate those two things–I love the weights. But, this time around I’m just excited.  I’m ready to take it to the next level.  At the team meeting two or three weeks ago, Ron Coleman came and was talking and he said, "If you want to be the best you need to eat and train as if you were a pro." And it kinda stuck in my head.  I know I want to be pro before I’m 25. I feel like I have plenty of time, but I can’t slack off on the eating in the off season.  In my head I’ve got to be a pro.  And so, I’ve had this great outlook on my eating plan and cardio reg emend.

I’m ready.

-Kati