blah
I feel….depressed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I think I obsess over what I eat and what I look like to the point that it’s not normal. I drive myself crazy anytime I gain a pound, or anytime my clothes get tight. I’ve been trying to eat as clean as possible, and when I don’t I feel so disgusted and it’s like I can see it in the mirror.
I really think doing shows are awesome, and so much fun! And when you’re looking good, you feel great. But…after the competition is where I get crazy. I only got down to about 134 for my competition this summer, maybe 130 pushing it. After the show, I maintained a healthy looking 143, gaining about 5 pounds before my period, but then losing it after I started. That five pounds is something I expect. But today is different. Today, and yesterday…and for the past week I haven’t been my healthy 143..instead, I have gone up to an ugly 151. Actually a couple weeks ago it was 154 one day and I freaked out! I know I haven’t drastically gained that much muscle, but I don’t think I drastically put on that much fat either. I feel like I’m losing my mind. This sport really ****s with you. I guess no one on here writes about that part. Everyone puts out to be perfect like they never cheat once and a while, or they don’t get depressed when they gain weight and don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. I feel like I only look good when I’m restricted to food choices. and I don’t eat bad when I’m not "dieting"…To me, having milk is cheating. Whole wheat bread is too….
I just want to be happy with me.
November 30, 2007 at 8:27 pm
I feel for you. So much of what I’ve done during these past 2 months is try to break my old habits, and enjoy what I am doing and enjoy my journey. I used to be my own worst enemy, constantly trying to find ways to sabotage my efforts. Now I’m having more fun, working harder, and developing better habits. My goals are not the same as yours, nor are my restrictions, by during these past 2 months I’ve had a great attitude, tried to enjoy myself. I’ve lost 19 pounds and are much healthier, both physically and mentally. Try to put the fun back in your routine finding ways to still challenge yourself, but enjoy the journey.
November 30, 2007 at 9:39 pm
just be natural one what you eat.
November 30, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Hey, gal, take it easy. Make a promise to yourself to get on the scale only once a week. You’ll obsess less and concentrate more on eating and exercising in the right way.
December 30, 2007 at 5:46 am
wow you sound like me. i weigh 117-120 comp weight and after that i weigh 135 omg i say i am soooo fat! ut thats just the way it goes. eat clean, gain the weight and you know how to take it off.
November 9, 2009 at 8:45 pm
I feel the exact same way. I have never competed before, but I am wanting to become a model someday and am trying to achieve that constant mindset. I’ve never been really fit and about a year ago I committed. It took me about 6 months to get fit, I stayed that way for probably 3 (well, my "perfect" me) and now I’m so off I can’t stand it. I want to get back so badly. Thanks for writing about it, I appreciate it!