Journal Entry

Good morning.I am just here going out of my mind as to what to put today since it has been a long while that I have written in here. It has been a treacherous last couple of days financially and emotionally since I have been concerned about a couple of things.First,my money situation has gone out of control since I continue to deplete most of my savings when I am trying to control my spending.Then I have been constantly trying to monitor my weight since for the last couple of days it has been spiraling out of control.I was at a normal weight but I have since put on about five pounds.So that has been worrying me and I have been going crazy emotionally. 


But at least it has been good for me to get this out in the open so you guys and gals can get a close glimpse as to what is really going on inside my head because pictures of my physique only tell part of the story and of course this goes for everyone who is on this site.Pictures only tell half of how a person looks from the outside but not on the inside.Inside or the minds and a person's mental states is what really makes the difference.No one really talks about mental health or for that matter emotional health and that's pretty sad.I know that what I wrote was crazy but I thought that I would get these feelings I have out in the open. 

Journal

Just came from the gym right now and I have to say that my workouts have gotten better as time goes by.I am still low on the fluid department since I haven't drank much water today but everything else has gone okay.Did a bit more weights today and did all I could to practice correct form on the exercises but didn't really twerk my workouts.Anyway,as you can see I am having trouble with this site in trying to upload my photos especially my gallery and progress photos which I have been taking for the last few weeks. A couple of weeks ago I uploaded my pictures with no problem but now and yesterday I have nothing but trouble with these photos.I don't know whether it is my computer or my cable system in my house.But for the last few days I have had nothing but trouble with this site.


So,what I will have to do is that I will have to start writing in here again instead of posting pictures in here just so I can give you guys an update as to how I am progressing on this exercise journey because from what I am seeing I am just not able to upload any of my content on here.I am not even to upload any of my videos on this site since I have been shut out of that as well. I will have to find some other platform that I can use to post my pics if I am going to see them or the whole world to see them.


Anyways,I will have to drink some fluids tonight just to get some of these toxins out of my system because right now I am feeling a bit tired as I write this.Also, I will try and move around as much as I can just to get my muscles moving because staying still won't help me despite the water I am drinking.Of course also,studies have shown that prolong sitting is very bad for one's health.Putting them at the risk of heart disease and cancer.  

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Double Standards In Beauty In Men And Women

Just a thought I want to share since it has been bothering me.Bothering me to a point that I just about lost it.I am also going to talk about double standards here.It has to do with obesity or being slightly obese.Why is it that I, as a man always gets picked on or abuse by a loved one for being slightly obese or overweight?It's not only me but for a lot of men who are doing all they can to lose weight but still get verbal abuse for being a bit overweight.I know the health risks and I know my family member means well but it sort of feels like I am only doing this for him and not myself just because of the way he always speaks to me,telling me to lose weight with a demanding tone and I don't think that's any way to help anyone who is on this weight loss journey.He doesn't understand that it is not a one day process.There are things on my mind right now which is preventing me from thinking about my health and this weight loss program or diet.Like you cannot really make or demand for any person to lose weight.The person with the obesity has to want to do this for themselves.


Motivation and motives come from within a person and not the demands from other people.The person who is obese has to want to lose weight and they are the ones who have to decide in wanting to make this change at their own pace since there could be factors or stresses in a person's life that they are trying to cope with and are not able to do it because of it's impact on their lives.So losing weight would be the last thing on their minds and their family members have to respect that and not interfere with their progress.Also,the obese person trying to lose weight has to find ways to cope with their stress in a positive way without resorting to food as a stress reliever. 


But getting back to the double standards,why is it more acceptable for women to be slightly obese or overweight but not for men?I ask this because there are many men who get turned off by women who let themselves go and vice versa but it seems to me that the men get more of the abuse and flack for letting themselves go than the women.Of course maybe it has to do with the fat content which develops in different parts of their bodies and one being more dangerous than the other.Women develop fat on their hips while men develop it on their stomachs.Fat around the middle is more dangerous than fat on the hips but still I would have to say that they're about the same and both carry risks of heart disease and cancer but yet,men seem to get picked on despite doing their best in living a healthier lifestyle and avoiding all fattening foods.Of course,media is in part to blame as well due to the fact that it often gives distorted images as to how women and men should look.And that I think has to do with messing up people's thinking as to what diets to pursue.Dieting is not only physical or nutritional it's also psychological,mental and behavioral since there are reasons that we overeat and gain weight. 

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Stop Comparisons

Okay,so how can I start this entry off?It has been a while since I have written anything here about my progress.The short notes are okay but I feel that I should give more thought onto this exercise journey.I was going to do a bit of a warm up when I got up this morning but I just didn't feel like it.But a person has to do something regardless of how they feel about it.It seems to me that the scale itself is not moving very much when I constantly weigh myself and it is becoming frustrating in a sense.But I guess that my body composition is changing a bit due to the fact that I am putting on more muscle even though it doesn't show in any of the pics I have been uploading.So,I am starting to think that there has to be more to this fitness stuff than just the physical.Mental,emotional and psychological components have to take place somewhere since without the mind it becomes impossible to change any parts of our bodies.I know that this sounds crazy but it is the truth. 


Another thing I would like to say as well is while I am on my journey I have to stop making it a habit of comparing myself to other Body Spacers on this site because they are on their journeys too just like myself.Plus like me,they are dealing with their own problems,genes or genetic makeup too since we are not all clones.Genetics plays a big role in determining how you will look and the type of body you will have.I am not going to deny that fact since the research books say it's true.But I am thinking that there has to be some way for us to overcome our bad genes.Now I didn't say good genes since it is them that makes us into the bodybuilders and athletes we have become today.But bad genes such as cancer,heart disease,strokes and other diseases are things we can overcome or find a way to overcome with diet,exercise and lifestyle changes and I am trying to do that but it is hard right now and I suspect that it is hard work for those of you who are stuck with bad genes. But I would say that comparing yourself to others is not a good thing to do if you are struggling with yourself because no ones life is perfect and perfection is just a smoke screen people use in creating high expectation for themselves which are impossible to reach. Besides,society itself is not perfect either.


So I am thinking that we shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect either and this goes for our bodies too since our genetics can only take us so far.  

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Signing Offline To Feel Our Senses

Well,just thought that I would turn the sound off from my computer because I wanted to just get my thoughts out in the open.It's hard at times for everyone and I am sure that some of you out there who spent a large amount of time online and have become immune to having sound come to you.For the last couple of days I have been having a hard time finding time to write in here because of the excessive videos and pictures I have been posting on this site and on YouTube on a daily basis which makes it hard for myself to ever be able to collect my thoughts and plan life as a whole.I think that it would be a very good thing for any person who spends a large amount of time online just to pause and  find time to either blog,pray or meditate because the Internet as good as it is can really mess up some parts of your brain or nervous system since in a way  can be a passive activity.Similar to watching television,it can really leave a person very numb causing them to lose interest in activities which involve using your actual mental and physical faculties. 


Which is why I have decided to pause for a bit to write this because it's nice for me to flex my mental muscles rather than just post videos and pictures on here and all of my other blogs,Twitter and Facebook accounts.Honestly,I think that we spend way too much time online or on our computers in a non productive manner and  waste time which could be used for writing or creating.Which is one of the reasons why I tend to go to the gym and to find any job or hobby even if the job doesn't pay that well.You want to just get away from this so called wired environment and just go outside to experience nature and life in general.Now I have been hearing reports that adults aren't the only ones who spend most of their time on the internet for hours.I am seeing a large number of children spending time on the internet which there is problem because they have to become active and at least find something to do.I say this because we are now having children put on large amounts of weight due to the inactivity and food that they consume due to the time they spend on the computer. 


But this isn't to say that we should get rid of the internet and computers since they have become a big part of our life.I am just saying that there should be some balance when it comes to using these tools because they can have dire consequences to both our physical and mental health since the internet in some ways does promote passivity in people especially children.So I will take my own advice and take breaks from this online frenzy by writing in here or reading a book since I have some books that I haven't read.


Well,that's all for now since it's getting late and I am having to face my next challenge.And that is getting through my results of my father's blood test since there will be some conflicts that I may have to deal with. 

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Journal

Just thought I would let you know that I am finally happy to be home once again after a pretty brutal shift tonight.I am glad it's over so I can recuperate and just rest my body and prepare myself for the next brutal day tomorrow.I don't know how I have been able to do all of this work for so many years since I know that most people who work so much are not able to do it due to the stress of the job.Now the job I am in now is one of the most overworked and underpaid jobs but I have been able to become immune to it since I have been doing it for so many years.I just have to pat myself on the back for enduring a whole lot of customer complaints,aches and pains,the brutal hours and other things which come along with the job.Now,if I can just find a way to get some sort of business going so I can make even more money and to keep myself busy while working at the present job at the same time as well. 


Well,just to let everyone know that I wasn't exactly straight with myself with regards to my diet because I ate a whole lot of chips and other junk food.Now I know that I shouldn't have touched those items but I didn't eat today or let's just say that I literally starved myself in the morning since I was feeling a bit stressed due to the talk I had yesterday with a family member.The talk was quite stressful since it was about my inability to take care of myself since I did something wrong in which I didn't but in the person's mind I made some mistake. 

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Japan's Health Crisis

I am just in a rut or maybe I should say that I am feeling numb right now because I have been thinking about a video that I made and just sitting here right now trying to come up with words that I can say for this video that I want to make about the healthcare system in Japan.Now I made a video about it which I will post here on my page in a future time but for now I will just try and write about it here on this blog.It is from an article I read in the Calgary Herald paper yesterday and it has to do with hospitals in Japan not being able to keep up with the number of senior patients which are admitted in there.The supply over demand or should I say that the demand is more than the supply regarding these hospitals.So I read that they have had to close down due to this crisis. 


Well I would say that it has to do with economics once again because once again like the United States,Japan is finding itself having to spend a whole lot of money on healthcare with the hospital crisis and in the process maybe either throwing patients out or closing their hospitals down due to this.And it has to do with inflation these days because with the aging population increasing in the 21st century,Japan's government has to spend more money on health care.Like Japan's situation is very critical but not as critical as in the United States and Canada because our tax dollars are used to pay for most health services but the United States I am not so sure because they don't have universal health care like we do here in Canada but Canada's healthcare system isn't so perfect either because we are facing an increased aging population.Of course I cannot blame the aging population going up since we are having less children at this time or having children late because of the lifestyles we lead today in which we want to pursue our careers and make a whole lot of money that we may never be able to spend when we get older because of the health problems that may come.And this is due to the drugs we may have to spend our money on because of our age.Birthrates are dropping slowly but gradually and in today's world inflation has taken over which has caused prices to go up,making it even more expensive to raise children.


So I cannot blame Japan having problems with its aging population and closing a couple of hospitals and health centers due to it.I think that it would be even more critical for the Japanese to take extra preventive measures in protecting and preserving their health from an individual basis.Another words,prevention is the key. 

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Thinking About A Friends Weight Gain 2

Now that I have gotten out of bed I will begin to write the stuff about a friend that I did yesterday but didn't get to finish due to time constraint.Now as I was saying about my friend he put on a whole lot of weight and I am worried about him because he might die suddenly and never get back up again.But what really worries me and has me curious was the fact that he put on weight even though he is a carpenter or works in a blue collar profession.I will try to get into details today after talking about him and why doing a blue collar job doesn't always work out for long term weight loss. 


Okay,so where do I begin?Well,I will start off by saying that I remember him as a very slim man when I was younger and he was a very handsome man when I saw a picture of him at his wedding years ago but I guess over the years with increased family and work responsibilities his weight plummeted upward and that's understandable while at the same time a negative excuse to use. Of course working at a bank for years didn't help a whole lot since he probably sat down a whole lot while working at a bank.Boy,working at a bank can really put a damper on you exercise program due to sitting for a long time.Also some other jobs he has done which I don't know about.But prolong sitting which I have been doing isn't very good for your health and I have to make some adjustments in my life to add more activity to my day. 


But getting back to doing blue collar work and using that as a whole barometer is not a good long term way to get in shape because it doesn't really use all of your muscle groups.Although combined with a real exercise program and proper diet doing blue collar work can be a good way to keep in shape.Of course safety is a main concern because you don't want to get hurt on the job.But for my friend,I would say that he should play it safe while at the same time go on a exercise program and change his diet or his caloric intake. 

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Thinking About A Friend's Weight Gain

Okay,this has to be short and quick since I am low on time.I want to say though that working at a blue collar job doesn't or isn't enough to provide any person any sort of physical workout because there are things that people do to keep themselves unfit.There are some people who eat a whole lot of junk food like my friend who works as a carpenter,a laborious job. Like how does anyone gain so much weight when they work in a blue collar job?There aren't many people who gain so much weight but this guy takes first prize.I don't know the answer but I am sure that there are a number of reasons why a person gains a whole lot of weight when working as carpenters and other blue collar jobs.There could be a lack of activity in the persons part.Or it could a lack of a eating or diet plan when they are at work since there is so much food at the job site which are probably loaded with calories.I really do not know but I will try and assess his situation in a future blog post but for now I will have to end this. 

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Nagging And Anger Are Not Good Solutions To Long Term Weight Loss And Health

Okay,where was I when my computer crapped out?Yeah,it has to do with family members who nag their other family members about their weight and the damage or impact it has on the overweight or obese person.This goes for those who are slightly obese like myself.I think that this nagging has caused a lot of overweight people to give up on their diet and to make them gain weight because in a way the practice isn't very encouraging and only makes the problem worse.I am not a psychologist but I know that nagging someone to change their diet by yelling or threatening doesn't help anyone who is trying to lose weight in the long run because it shames the person by making them feel guilty for even indulging in a small treat.Like I am trying the best I can to lose weight and the last thing I need is the nagging from a family member who is only upsetting me.Like when I want to lose weight I want to make sure it is for myself and not for anyone else.That's the mistake that people make when going on a diet and trying to lose weight.They are doing this for other people in order to seek their approval and that's not a good reason because it is a short term goal and solution and short term solutions only take the dieting so far.Losing weight just to please others is a short term goal and solution which only leads to disappointment.Yelling at the person or nagging them to lose weight just to make you happy is a short term goal which ignores the long term goal which is maintaining health and raising self esteem.I know that my father is trying to help me by telling me to stick with the foods I cook and fruits and vegetable,yelling at me doesn't help with matters because the weight is still on me and the stresses I am dealing with are still there.Whether they are with customers and the attitude with my boss and dealing with coworkers leaving for greener pastures,these things in a way affect me and it's hard for anyone including myself to even think about healthy habits when they are under stress even if the stresses are light. 


So nagging,belittling and instigating are not the solutions for anyone trying to lose weight.Psychological issues have to be dealt with by the obese individual but dieticians and the media tend to ignore these issues and just keep coming up with these fad diets which don't work long term.Health is not only physical but also spiritual,emotional,mental and social are factors that need to be taken into place too.I know that this entry will be offensive but it had been bothering me for the last few hours while sleeping.So I thought that I would use the time to air that out of my system.

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Journal

****ght,I have been posting a whole lot of pics on here just trying to get some sort of input from the masses but I think that it is time for me to do some sort of introspection exercise since it has been a while that I have done any of that.I know that having a physique or great physique is great and I have to encourage myself to keep up with my diet and exercise program.But I feel that there is something missing in the equation regarding overall health.I feel that the mental aspect is missing from my so called health program since for the last couple of days and weeks I have been trying to pinpoint what my problem is or trying to put my finger as to what is wrong with me and why I am behaving like this.Like this I mean avoiding my feelings when I get up in the mornings and basically just forgetting to do some of my walks while I am on my breaks at work and just digging into my consciousness as to why I am so unhappy with life itself. I guess I might have let myself settle into this so called routine without being aware of it.There could be a number of reasons or factors that I have as to why I am unhappy with right now. 


It is common and I will try as much as I can to figure out or pinpoint why I am unhappy.But I would have to say that maybe this obsession with fame on my part has to do with it due to the simple fact I am trying to be famous on the Internet like some people I read about in the newspaper.Being famous on the Internet without any sort of hard work or effort on these people's part.Like you can post anything in any social media site and suddenly you are famous without much effort.I have been posting a whole lot of stuff in here and haven't become famous yet but I guess it's all cool since as I write this entry I am realizing that this process takes time and effort I guess on a persons part.I also have to realize too that the Internet or what is written or printed on the internet is not real nor it has anything to do with reality because social media is just that,media.That's just something that people have trouble accepting. It's like this online dating or virtual reality.They are not real since people have no idea as to who they are talking to on the other end.So I just have to bear that in mind and then maybe I will feel better and go about my life and maybe begin to have a better grasp of my weight because I think that my emotional or psychological problems is what are causing my weight issues.I think it is the number one reason why people struggle with weight in the first place.They have no control of their emotions and the stresses around them. 

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First Free Training Session With An Actual Trainer

Good evening.I am just here relaxing a bit just listening to some lecture on Macroeconomics.Now I know that what I am listening to seems to be a bit hard to understand but I thought that I would touch on something that has some interest to me since it has been so long that I have learned anything concrete beyond all this twittering and face booking.I think that any person no matter how old should learn something new everyday just to break out of their old routine that they have been living in on a daily basis.Which is what I am trying to do since for the last few years I have been just sitting here during my days off and going about my business when I am heading off to work.Training to me is more than just physical regarding our bodies.It is mental too since the mind makes the body and whoever made that saying I would have to agree with that statement. Right now I have been struggling to just write something in here while going through the internet trying to find something on YouTube which is concrete and serious,not too serious that can stimulate my mind. 


Anyway,my session with my personal trainer went pretty well.He showed me some things that I can to build up my strength and to improve my workouts because I just found out that the right part of my body is weaker than my left side and he wants it to get it even.I knew that my scoliosis would cause me all these physical problems when I got older.My late mother warned me about my inactivity but I never listened to her.And now I am paying the price for it since my athletic performance has declined a bit.The pull ups I found were harder than I thought because it was a matter of relaxing my upper shoulders and let me tell you it was really hard to do.I actually had to do the pull ups without actually shrugging my shoulders a whole lot.Another words just relaxing the muscles themselves.That was hard to do.The stretching was pretty hard itself since my muscles were so tight from all the standing I have been doing for the last few years I have been working at the gas bar.Maybe I will start stretching when I get the chance when no customers are coming.Or maybe just sit down when I get the time.I can go on talking more about this session but I think you all know what is entailed.So I will say that overall that this was the first session that I really wanted to get a feel as to how my body moves.I have two more free sessions to pursue in which maybe I can really start breaking a sweat.I will keep everyone posted.  

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Health Issues/Food Prices

Well,I am feeling a bit distressed this morning because a couple of things have hit me just now.First off I am worried about a family member due to their kidneys not getting any better since he will be going for a test today.I am worried that they might get worse and he may end up getting some sort of kidney dialysis and that will be hard to deal with.Just so many health issues I am dealing with.Then I am worried about my own health issues too because as I said on this video I released here on this site from YouTube that my iron count is very high and I don't see it going down right away and of course with a high iron count that could pose some problems down the road.It could be the high content of eggs I have been eating for the last couple of weeks and other food high in iron.I don't know the exact side effects of iron but from what I have read iron is an element and it is some sort of steel.I don't the exact effects it has on the body.I will have to do more research on that.But I will see if toning or reducing the amount of eggs will solve this problem.If not then I will have to make the painful decision of donating blood and that could be stressful in itself.Of course,I cannot forget the weight gain itself which happened this morning.I just put on some pounds which I never really expected but I think it has to do with these bars I ate last night and the lack of activity that I have been having.I will try to cut out the bars and eggs and see what happens throughout the year.Maybe cutting these two food items out will make a difference in my weight and iron count.


Anyway,now that I got that off my chest I want to talk about food prices since I haven't gotten to that yet.Food prices fluctuate up and down.But what really has me writing today is the shopping I did a couple of days ago when I was getting something to fix for my lunch.I saw a couple of extra lean ground beef packages and I have to say that they were very expensive and I was thinking at the time that there has to be some alternatives to ground beef.And low and behold I did find some alternatives to ground beef.There is ground chicken and ground turkey that I might be able to use as an alternative to beef since both seem to be a lot cheaper than beef.Of course ground turkey would be cheaper than both the beef and chicken.I don't know what drove the beef prices up but I would have to say the whole process of getting beef had something to do with it.But anyway,food prices I would say are very high right about now but I guess it depends on which items you buy regarding meat and produce.But I have to wonder though,why do people gravitate towards the junk food if there is so much good food sitting in our supermarkets?The answer I am guessing is economics.What I mean is that nutritious foods whether they're fruit,vegetables and produce tend to be very expensive due to the shipping costs and the time it takes to have them produced. While the junk foods are cheaper because of the time it takes to get them produced and shipped to the stores.Due to a lack of money or economics a lot of people with low income will gravitate towards the junk food because of the convenience in eating it.You don't really have to prepare the junk food nor even make any attempt to take the time to cook it well.While good foods need the time to cook well in order to get any sort of nutritional value.So I would say that they cost more than the junk food.Aboriginal people here in Canada and Native Americans in the USA live in poverty stricken areas where food is scarce and incomes are very low.So they have to drive out of their reserves,go to the foods stores and buy a whole lot of junk food because it's cheaper for them.Of course I cannot forget the fast food places like McDonald's,Wendy's,Burger King and Taco Bell as well since they go to these places too.In the USA,it's mostly Native Americans,Hispanics and African Americans since these groups live in extreme poverty and they have no access to good food due to their income levels.They do have access but they probably refuse to eat it due to not just economics but the convenience it gives them. 

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My Take On Organic Food

Good afternoon,I am back here again just wanting to get this off before heading off to work to do my shift.I just wanted to touch on a couple of things.It has to do with organic food and food prices.I was going to do a video about these topics earlier and I will do them later.I will talk about organic food.I just read something about it in the Globe And Mail newspaper and it was saying that organic food isn't any better than ordinary food we normally buy at the grocery store and I would have to agree with this writer on that because I see it as the same food as normal food.Like for instance,they sell organic fruit and vegetables where I work and ordinary fruits and vegetables and people buy the ordinary ones and the organic ones.But really,I don't see much difference between the two only the growers grow them differently and probably charge more for them because of maybe shipping costs.But overall,I have to say that organic food aren't any better than ordinary foods due to the process it takes to make them.Also,it costs a whole lot more than ordinary foods which doesn't help with anyone's pocketbook.I think that we all should stick with ordinary foods especially fruits and vegetables if we want to save a whole lot of money.Plus,we don't know whether or not the organic foods are really that natural because maybe they have been sprayed with a little bit of pesticide. 


Now comes the talk about food prices and I will talk about it on the next entry.  

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Undermining In The Workplace

****ght,just a bit of stuff before heading off to the showers and starting my day.I will have to do some pull ups today since it has been a while that I have done them.I will do those today along with my regular workouts to see if that changes anything with the scale.While at the same time I will also think about these issues which have been on my mind.In fact a couple of things in which I will talk about in the future on this blog.But there is one main issue that I want to get off my chest while I am here.It has to do with undermining people.


Now I know that we don't want to talk about it or discuss it but I feel that it has to be done with because there is a whole lot of undermining that I am experiencing at my job and I suspect that most of you experience this at your job or any office setting which restricts business.I think that anyone who undermines someone just to get ahead has a whole lot of issues that they are not dealing with or refuse to deal with in their lives.I bring this to my boss who in a way is undermining me.A couple of things which brought me to that conclusion.First,ignoring my notes that I wrote for this person.Then tearing out some checklist that I did for the tasks that I did which I thought was a sign of disrespect on her part.But most of all never really telling me about them to my face which I think is a sneaky and dishonest.But why would anyone want to do this to me and anybody working under her?It could be that she wants to get ahead which is what a lot of bosses with low self esteem do either to get ahead or to get the threat out of the way because there are bosses and coworkers who sometimes feel threatened of the person they are undermining due to the simple fact that their jobs could be taken away from this person.Or they do it because of a low image of themselves and they get a kick or boost out of sabotaging the person which doesn't bold well for each party.


But overall I think that undermining,whether through harassment,violence or gossiping doesn't bold well at all for business itself because I think that in a way it cuts into profit margins because a lot of people end up quitting due to that and I have seen a whole lot of people quit due to these types of politics and games that are being played.Then an organization cannot function efficiently because the business has to spend more money just hiring new people and training them because of having to fire their old employees due to upper management finding out about the managers and workers undermining one another. 

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