It's crazy how fast life goes by. Just 2 years ago I was figuring this whole body building thing out and every year and summer I say, no more. I will be fit. Just last December, I was thinking, I have 6 months till summer and 8 months till I am home. 

 NOW- I have less than 3 months till I get on a plane! Crazy!!! and I am no where where I want to be- BUT i feel a lot better than I did last year, and I am learning a lot about fitness, nutrition, and my own body. 

Stress & work has taken over my life from time to time - especially the whole month of April- and not being able to work out consistently or at all as really affected me, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. Sounds funny to say Spiritually, but it has affected every aspect of my life. Not working out causes me to have more anxiety and more obsession about my body and more stress!!! Working out daily eliminates these things almost completely! crazy!!!

 I really hope the month of May turns out better. I hope June is even better and July Is amazing!

Do you ever doubt that you can actually achieve your goals? I do! BUT, I JUST realized this!

AWWw... While traveling to another province & trying to get up everyday to run/walk/do lunges/pushups, etc & trying, but not really trying... something deep deep inside of me came up, entered my brain, and entered my heart; doubt.

It was as though the devil or something evil - myself, my flesh, was telling me that I would never be able to really achieve my goals in the fitness world. I cannot imagine ever having a fit body. I look at transformations and I feel, YES I CAN DO THAT....but in reality, when this deeeeepp thing came into my head and heart, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT!

WHY?! Part of me I guess is scared...but I am not sure why. part of me is too worried about what others will think of me...NOW isn't that dumb?! worrying about what others think...that I am too obsessed with working out and what food I will eat or not eat.

Writing has helped me to get this "thing" outside of myself. 

I am super thankful that I now have a great friend who is willing to observe what I eat & help me out with that! Wow, what a difference it makes when you know someone will be watching what you eat, making comments, and is just simply AWARE of how you eat/what/how much...

 I hope I can master this stupid deep doubt inside of me and overcome this challenge, this hurdle, this mountain. I want to make it to the top, take a deep breath, and then climb down and be able to say "I am satisfied with my body, I am comfortable in my skin, I actually accomplished something, I actually achieved my goals and desires for me!!" 

Now that I have signed up for the BSN challenge and posted
pics its almost like I am no longer committed to just myself! I have my friends
on bb.com to keep me accountable and motivate and keep my mind going in the
right direction!

Before it was just ME, Food, My mind, and the gym. and oh, how
strong our minds are and how strong my impulses are! But why do I keep failing.
It is always a struggle.

I never complete anything that has to deal with my
body. All goals are strong for a week and then they go out the window and I
start the vicious cycle all over again! Living on my own would seem to be easy
and a great way to lose weight, since no one else is buying food or putting
food in your face...except ME! I just over eat. I realized that. Just now. I
just now realized that I eat too much.

That in all reality I must be in more
control and almost "obsessive" or as the bb.com community would say -
dedicated!

SO HERE IS TO DEDICATION!

and showing myself that I can change, not
be in bondage to this world of binging, emotional eating, and self-doubt.

With
the Lord's strength, and friends and again, God, I can be free and not feel
ashamed!

SO HERE IS TO DEDICATION!

Here is to proving to myself that I can
accomplish goals and things I put before me!

Today I took my measurements because it has been a year and I would like them for the BSN challenge. 

AS I have been feeling great about workouts and progress... I now feel overwhelmed and a bit discouraged! HOW does one gain so much stomach fat!? UGH= = yo yo dieting! 

SO, took measurement, faced the facts, faced myself & reality.

I'm looking forward to a new body!

Hey bb.com buddies!

Here is the deal: I cannot get enough protein in my diet for many reasons! 

UGH=> I live in Central Asia, and currently there are many rumors about eating the chicken here== NOT good to eat! 

So- my only meat option is: BEEF. I live the furthest away from the sea. so no fish either.

I'm lactose Intolerant. and allergic to Eggs. I KNOW BUMMER! I'M A MESS! :/

If i take some lactate pills then I can eat some yogurt on occasion. Usually at night.

SO then there are BEANS/LENTILS AND MORE BEANS!

I pressure cooked a bunch of lentils and beans last week and have been eating them. I notice a big differnce in feeling full and actually being full. HOWEVER, I think i cannot eat to much beans/lentils because they are not helping me slim down!

I've been working out like crazy (u know, correctly) and have been eating great and yet, stomach feels bloated all the time.

WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST I DO?!

After 2.5 years of living in Asia, I am just NOW understanding how to live here as a healthy individual. "NO excuses" doesn't really exist when your priority is other people and relationships. Food is the center of everything in the cultures I interact with. It is difficult because if you don't eat (especially a home-cooked meal) then it is a huge offense to the family/individual. Some understand allergies, but mostly they just see a white American that doesn't like their food and therefore must not like who they are or their culture. -which is not true! but so many do not understand that.

For example: A mom made a huge plate of Polo (pilaf rice with carrots and lamb) for 3 girls. I mean huge. I ate what I could and she came in and stared at the plate for what seemed like forever. She then asked her new daughter-in-law: "are you finished? what's wrong with the food? do you not like it? does she (me) not like it? is it not good? why aren't you eating? why isn't it finished?!" she continued to look at the plate and I kindly told her that it was delicious and so good and I am so sorry but have to catch my bus back into the city. She was the maddest person I have ever seen because her Polo was not wiped clean on the plate. UGH! did i feel bad? YES. but more so for my friend who has to deal with it after I leave.

I cannot just take this lightly and say "to hell with them! they don't understand, all well, i need to eat clean!". It's not like that.

ON the other hand, I am learning how to "get around" the mass amount of eating by mainly seeing people before and after meals. haha. it works! I eat at home, or they come to my home, or If i know them very well, then we go to their home and they are aware of my allergies and desire to "lose weight" for my "future husband". LOL! since I am 28, in this culture, I am an old old woman who needs to get married and therefore should and needs to be thin. So my friends are understanding....for ... the most part!

HOWEVER, "no excuses" is still capable to maintain. 

I'm encouraged by bb.com and the community of "No excuses". I just have to be cautious of days when I know I have to go over someone's home. For instance, every Tuesday I teach English and the family cooks for me and we all eat dinner together. Do they serve me and not allow me to serve myself? YES! do i say "oh, wow thanks so much, so good, i can serve myself!"? - yes...but does that help? NO! So what is there to do?! Tuesdays are my big leg days and added cardio. I eat well at my house all day, no carbs really, lean meat and veggies.

The biggest thing I've learned is that I must be consistent!

I must work out at the gym, go for a run, or do something at my house.

I must eat well on my own rules/grounds/in my house. If I can maintain a clean diet on my own terms then I am able to "allow" these times when I cannot "control" the environment around me.

so, here is to 5 more months in Asia (then to the states and back again at the end of the year) and here is to being super clean when I can control the situation! 

I'm excited. I'm proud that I didn't eat any chocolate bars in the last week! HA. it is a great feeling to know that I am capable and have potential!

6 months away to possibly returning back to CaLi!

I am excited to go and motivated to eat Clean and Work Out HARD!

Having a goal or something to look forward to is always motivating and encouraging.
Will be in and out on bb.com, checking progress, blogging, and hopefully be able to enter in a new BF percentage!

Will have to figure out what to do for protein and what to do for meals... this week is planning time.

Another winter to Keep Working Hard & NOT give in or give up!

Another long winter ahead- cold, snowy, and not fun to take the bus in or walk in!

BUT- must do it! Must go to the gym!  Must stay motivated and keep updating bodyspace/blog and reviewing my goals to keep me going.

I have a good 2.5 months to really work hard and NO excuses, even when I travel this season, I MUST do something~~

Week 5- Day 2 - totally sore! 

Feeling good and feeling stronger! Stomach is having a hard time getting down...

some days I feel so much progress and then in reality there is very little... still pushing hard and trying to be persistent!

Week 5- will be hard- everyday now!

Drinking so much water is also hard!

Need some other sources of protein- since i have no powder... :/ too expensive to ship here. will wait to go home and bring it back with me.

 YAY to week 5- Finish strong!

One more workout until week 4 is done with Stevepoynters!

It seems like forever! I have started this workout plan over 3 times (this last time is the LAST TIME)

I am now in a place of consistency and will not be traveling any time soon! phew!!

traveling gets in the way of sooo many things! ugh!

 After being discouraged and not knowing why I cannot get this weight off I am now feeling better.

I have worked out hard for the last 8 days and am back to feeling better- not great, but good!

Things can only look up from here.

Reminding myself that I have to be aware of my habits daily and what I consume daily....

I don't want to make an idol of myself/working out/or food at all though!

So balancing this is extremely hard and takes a ton of discipline!

But pushing and enduring!

Yay for week 5 to come!

In another 5 weeks is my birthday and a good goal point-5 weeks- lots can change!

Body weight goes up and down constantly...

Do i really have to be in the gym day in and day out!? 

I find if i just miss one day or 2 days in a row my body goes into some weird mode and i gain weight (fat) in the blink of an eye!

I am so frustrated... I feel like it shouldn't be this hard. I know it is so hard and there is a ton of dedication. but i am eating well and pretty consistently working out (4-5days a week)

Is it because I am getting older? metabolism?

ugh! so discouraged....

Day One: Steve Poynter's Program

Had little energy going into the gym, but within a few minutes started feeling great! Took E-mergency with my water (which I think helped a lot)

Killed day one- completed weights and a full round of cardio! 

Yeah!!

MotivateD!

+ eating well- not enough- but eating well =D 

Here We Go AGAIN! Will transformation come?!? 1 year has past since I really decided to be consistent in eating well and lifting (working out on a daily basis).

One year ago I was frustrated, stressed, discouraged and overweight! Living in a new enviorment, eating different foods, & encountering stress like never before hurt my body and confidence.

A year already! crazy- but it has been a good year. I have been for the most part consistent and for the most part able to work out 4-6 days a week!

The screw up=== when i need to travel! It always screws me up and I feel like I need to start over again and again. I travel 3-4 months in a year all at different times and it throws me all off!

So, I hope to be very consistent in my diet - eating clean at all times possible and learning how to work out in a hotel or a different place when I don't have my gym.

Welcome year 2! Work hard, stay consistent, be dertermined, have faith and keep in mind the goal- to live a healthy lifestyle!

awwww, excited!

Once again..... I am starting over again- working out in the gym again. After 5 weeks of traveling I have been out of the gym and my body has changed and muscle has "melted" away :/ oh...

 So I prepare to lift again starting tomorrow and will only have a few days of travel over the next month- so hoping to be SUPER consistent through Next JanuarY! 

I am also realizing that I NEED protein in order to keep my muscle! Living overseas causes prices to rise, so I have been hesitant! BUT_ I must go through with it, it will be better for me in the long run!

Here I go again! Transform transform transform, consistent, consistent consistent!

My arms are fat! That's it. They always have been. I continue& continue to work on them...will they ever change? Seriously, ladies- do they just get bigger, or do they eventually even out, shape-up, and transform??

I thought i was doing well, until today i got a very good perspective & they are just fat. :/ LOL

So, as usual, i just have to continue at it, continue to stay consistent and keep working hard.