My BodyBlog

I just finished preparing my meals for the week in an effort to begin a massive transformation. However, the whole time I was at the store and even while I was standing over the stove I could not shut my mind off. I am at the lowest part of my life right now and find myself asking ‘why am I even bothering?’. This massive depression has been a burden on my chest for just over 2 weeks now and has recently gotten so much worse.
It all started about about 4 weeks ago when I noticed my ex was acting differently, she was cold and there was a wall between us. She stopped saying ‘I love you’, she wouldn’t give me a kiss– and when I went to give her one she would turn her head away. Sex became even more bland like she wasn’t there and didn’t want to be. She started going out every night practically to hang out with her old friends and would get upset if I asked too many questions. Even when I would go all night without bothering her or checking on her she still failed to at least say goodnight or let me know she was ok. We had a short talk, well actually just her mom and I when she went out saying that I was going to have to move out soon as I was only supposed to be there temporarily while looking for a new place. We were living in the downstairs apartment together.
After considering my options I decided that joining the military would probably be the best bet, for us, our future, my education, etc. I was very surprised with how she responded to it. It didn’t seem to phase her. This is a big step in both of our lives that would change so much and  limit how much we would be together or see each other. But she gave her support (kind of) and that was that– she didn’t want to talk about it which was strange. So I began the enlistment process.
As the weeks went on I took notice to her habits; her constant texting to friends, being vague, stories not quite lining up, hostile attitude towards me. I made an effort to start helping out more and pay more attention to her, try talking more– though she wouldn’t talk really and if I was just texting her while I was at work to see how she was doing I was lucky to get a reply of 3 words or more. This was very disturbing to me as my deadlines for testing and taking the oath was now a week away and I could be leaving within a month.
So as things still weren’t getting better I decided to follow her one night in total desperation.  She said she was staying at a friends house down the street. So as she was leaving I got in my truck and followed her. Sure enough went right on past her friends house and kept going. I followed on the highway and knew exactly where she was going by the direction and my suspicions. She has always had this one guy friend who I had never got along with. The first time I met him (4 years into our relationship) I wanted to get to know him as she always said he was a true friend. Long story short, he was rude and didn’t care to meet really and rubbed me the wrong way so I was pissed, and she got pissed at me and a big fight started. The second time I met him a few months later I wanted to try again, but same thing. I could tell that he had a thing for her by his behavior and things I was noticing and the night ended with another fight between me and her again and I was the bad guy. Despite my suspicions I let it go and decided to let her do her own thing whenever she was going out. I would rather her tell me she was going with him and their friends then not. That night I couldn’t fall asleep and only ended up getting about 3 hours worth.
So back to the story, I didn’t follow her all the way because I didn’t want to be seen and already knew what was going on. I went back home (her place) and texted to see how she was doing and she said that her and her friend were just staying in talking. I was livid but still wanted to give her the chance to tell me or at least let me have  another chance to win her back before it was too late. So the next day I was even more attentive and told her I was taking her out after work for a romantic dinner at a special place. Things were going great. I was telling her how I’ve noticed we have been having problems and how I want to do everything I can not to lose her and fix everything. We talked and talked, and she blamed me for a bunch of stuff. I was just pleased that we were at least communicating again, though I did notice she was still being a bit odd. When we went home I cleaned up  a bit so she wouldn’t have to worry about it the next day. I then gave her an amazing long full body massage (and even said for no catch (sex)). But at the end she wanted to be fingered which I did but the whole time she was not there with me, still wouldn’t kiss or look at me. She ended up finishing up on her own while I grouped and fondled her. This was a first as I could always get her off, even though she has always been a dead fish in bed. This was worse. So she gets up, gets cleaned up and starts texting again and goes to bed without laying with me or saying ‘I love you’ still. That was enough. I had to check her texts to see what was going on. Normally I wouldn’t be this invasive but she once did the same to me and I was desperate and had to know what was going on. To no surprise I saw texts between her and the guy going back and forth saying 1 more day till they get to see each other and how they are falling for her and that she wants to talk about her boyfriend but cant because she remembers that it’s me and cant let anyone know about him and so on and also that she can’t stand talking about me because I only ruin her mood and when she’s with him it’s like all her problems are left at the door. I was crushed. I felt my heart rip in half and bleed. I was up all night hurting and nearly crying while she slept. That night I got maybe 50 minutes of sleep before I had to get up for work.
So on to the next night she says she’s going to her friends house again and again is acting very strange. This time I knew for sure that she was supposed to see him but yet she didn’t know I knew and continued lying to my face. I did everything I could that day to look for any sign of hope and when she walked out that door again I knew it was over. I followed again and this time all the way. I wanted so badly to confront her but didn’t. Instead I gave just one more chance and texted her to see if she had anything she wanted to tell me. She played dumb and got mad and that was the end of it. She turned off her phone. That night I should’ve packed up all I could and just left but I didn’t. Half of my stuff was in the garage which she had the only key to and where would I go? I would have had to take my dog too and no hotels would allow that. Plus the next day was Thanksgiving and I didn’t want to ruin it. So the next morning she comes home and is pissed and I say we have to talk. She took the dogs out as I got cleaned up and left her phone so I quickly went through it and saw that they (her mom and her) were going to kick me out that morning. When she came back I told her I knew what was going on and showed her the proof when she tried lying about it. I was calm gave her every chance to come clean and show any remorse. She didn’t. Instead she said said she wasn’t sorry. She then went out for air and I began packing up and when she returned she asked if I was leaving and I said yes because it’s not right for me to stay. She then freaked and said I’m not taking Rocky (my dog) and grabbed him hysterically and ran up stairs. I tried telling her as I followed that that is ok, I can come back for him and we can work something out but her mom stopped me and was calling a family cop friend. I went back to packing what I needed for the next couple days and left quietly. Fortunately my family took me back as they have been trying to help me see how bad of a person she was and was there for me when I had no where to turn.
The next day I was going to get all my things but they said not that day and wouldn’t talk to me and that I would have to come back the next day and she wont be there. All I cared about was my dog though and asked her and her mom about him via text and voicemail but no reply. That next day sure enough she was not there and it was just her mom and cop friend to let me get my things that they packed up and moved to the garage. I was not allowed inside the house and I couldn’t even talk to the mom and she didn’t care about me seeing my dog. Instead my ex took him with. I was also warned that by the cop that I’m harassing them and basically they would open a restraining order on me. WHAT THE ****?! All I want is my dog. I have not been one bit hostile or threatening but just want to work that out and now I’m being treated like I was the one that lied and cheated and I was the evil person????
I went to the police of course and all they can tell me to do is open a civil suit and they can’t do anything. Great. I should have just taken him and left that night but didn’t think she would be that cruel of a person.
So here I am trying not to be depressed. Trying to go out. Thinking of my dog constantly. Telling myself that karma will come back to her and that she’ll see one day how she ****ed up. Telling myself that I’m gonna get through it and focus on my transformations. It’s been over 2 weeks now since I’ve been in the gym and in the few days before and after it all happened I couldn’t even eat anything. I forced myself to eat and was lucky to eat 300 cals a day, even that day being Thanksgiving. Since then I have been eating, but eating crap. My sleep pattern is back but I get real sad at night not having my boy to lay with. I lost all the progress I was making.  I need to get back on track and keep focused doing something productive and improve myself in the process. I am ready to hit the gym hard and dedicate my mind and body to it and completely remaster my body. Obviously I am no longer going into the service as it was for us. Even if I was doing it for me I wouldn’t be able to be do it alone and the state I am in.
This weekend has been very miserable. Didn’t do anything. Some plans with friends fell through and I was alone with lots to occupy my mind. So while I am ready to start my transformation I can’t stop thinking about everything and being depressed. I need to snap out of this and keep taking it one day at a time. I need to do this for me. I was not the bad person and should suffer for someone else’s disgraceful mistakes. I met another girl just a couple days after it all happened and things were going great but she’s been sick so can’t see her. I’m also talking to a couple other girls and friends. Need to be social and active– already started to rekindle lost and damaged friendships and must keep working on them. Gotta stop asking myself ‘what’s the point?’ and start just doing it, and do it for myself! I need to better myself and keep focused!
Phew… that took the burden off my chest!! I feel better and ready to start DOING WORK!!!

So over the past couple years I have been thinking about where I want to go from where I was/still am.  I graduated paramedicine with high honors but did not actively pursue employment as I was too concerned with a dead end job and knew that hiring was really limited and competition is fierce in my area for departments. Excuses- I know. So after what, 2 years almost now from me getting my license I have nothing to show for it. Instead I left that cruddy job as I was fed up with it, but only to leave it for another crappy job which is even worse.
3 months ago I was forced to move in with the old lady as a temporary solution until I can find another place to live and put away some dough in the meantime. Needless to say, I really didn’t put away much of anything, not enough to pay rent at least. It’s now time for me to go and move on. So now I’m stuck in the same spot I was 3 months ago scratching my head. What now?
I would really like to get into the profession that I went to school for but it has been so long that I feel that I’ve forgotten a lot of it. I am also not sure if I will be able to catch up on the required CE just to maintain my license in time. Sure maybe I can grab just a basic private ambulance service job until I am caught up but the pay on that is crappy. I’ll also need to go through everything again… what took a year + of schooling to learn and then learn all the changes in SOPs since then. No guarantee and not much time to do so.  
Other options?
Well looking at where I stand right now and where I want to be there is a couple other options out there. Porn star for one. But my body is where I want it to be yet and I gotta go out to cali for that– how do you bring that up at the dinner table? Realistically now, what I have always thought about doing but naturally I come up with excuses not to; the military. I think it would do me a lot of good physically and mentally and add a lot of needed discipline to my life. I feel I already have some but welcome improvements.  I’ve been researching a bit for the past few days and am intrigued with either the Navy or Air Force. Both have their benefits over one another but I think I would be most suited to one of these.
I when thinking about joining the military out of high school, besides the many factors that held me back from the decision to join was the thought of way lengthy deployments in **** countries and a great risk of not coming back alive.  With that said, as much as I respect and would enjoy them, I think the Army and Marines are out of the question.  So what’s left? Not so big on coast guard… just doesn’t get me hard thinking about it. Air Force?– never really considered it as I have developed fears of flying.  Navy?– never was too big on the outfit and what do you do on a ship all day?  But after doing some more research I’m finding that these last 2 might just be the way to go.
First of all why would I chose the military?
-I love my country (even though there are a lot of scum and **** bags in it I still love and want to protect those parts that matter to me). I think I can also be ok serving even under this current president.
-I have quite a bit of debt that I have been struggling with for almost 10 years now that does not go down and there are sign on cash bonuses that I can use to wipe it out and start fresh and actually save money then spend it on bills before I even have it. Plus there are other bonuses I may apply for that would be a nice icing on the cake.
-Travel. Lots of it. I would love to see the world. And what better way then free, right? The Navy is said to have the most travel around the world. I would also maybe even be stationed where my dad was. That would be cool.
-Length of deployment is low. 4-6 months at a time it looks like with 30 days vacation and sick time too. Not bad, not bad at all.
-Get in shape (more). I love working out and want to keep training and this would def keep me focused.
-Health care. Can’t beat the military’s health care program.
-Living conditions. Air Force is supposed to be very nice, like single college dorms even. And I wont have to pay for anything, except extras– which is tax free.
-Education. Further it and have them pay for it. And also pay off what I owe on loans as is. Hell, I can even learn the fire side that I would be required to do anyways if I get on a department when I get out.
-Rugged, outdoors, shooting ****, learning how to defend/kill/and general ass kicking. Sounds like a wet dream to me.
-Lowered catastrophic risks. I believe I read somewhere that these 2 branches carry like a 1-3% chance of being killed on duty, vs the marines and army who climb up to as far as 70%.
-Monthly pay with some bonuses. It’s not much but when comparing to what I would spend on rent, food, transportation and other luxuries I would be putting away more each month.

Ok but it can’t be all gumdrops and rainbows. What do I have to lose?
-My girlfriend. We have been together forever and it will definitely be tough on both of us being apart so long. I would want to commit our relationship to something more– which the military can be very accommodating to families, especially in the Air Force.  But then again us living together in this very small and crowded living space is causing a lot of head butting, so maybe it can help out, me being away. I would miss her so much though.
-A sense of freedom. I wouldn’t be able just to kick back whenever I felt and go where ever I wanted.
-Give up most of my toys. Can’t take them with so to storage they will go until I come home.
-My dog. I would miss him like crazy too and he would miss me so much. Momma (GF) would have to take care of him.
-Commitment. It’s a big one. Life changing. Everything changes. Can I?  I know I can conquer whenever I apply myself. I think I could do it and the experience would be great.

So comparing the two I really think it is an opportune time to join really. Sure there are ups and downs but life is all about adjustments.

After an incredible session on legs today from all this emotion and aggression built up I decided to have the talk with the old lady about my considerations. She was actually pretty well receptive to it. Of course though she was concerned about us and said that she’s not sure if we would still last. I said I understand but would hope so and would want to commit to something greater between us. We would also never know until we try. Maybe  it could even prove to be a good thing for us.

So with that all said. I’m gonna schedule with the recruiters and see what each can tell me and go from there. Roll it over. Research further. Talk about it more. And if it sounds good enough then "where do I sign?".

Come on sugar let me know.
Forgot how good that song was until today when I was informed by a friend at work that another girl commented about how nice my body was and how she wants to see me naked.
How flattering   Now I know I’m on the right path and already seeing how my hard work is paying off.  I think I’ll continue to throw the iron around!

IRON, from Details Magazine
By Henry Rollins

I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.

Completely.

When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me "garbage can" and telling me I’d be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn’t run home crying, wondering why. I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time. As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn’t going to get pounded in the hallway between classes. Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you’ll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn’t think much of them either.

Then came Mr. Pepperman, my advisor. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn’t even drag them to my mom’s car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.

Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.’s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn’t looking. When I could take the punch we would know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing. In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn’t want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in.

Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn’t know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.

Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn’t say **** to me.

It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was wrong. When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.

It wasn’t until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can’t be as bad as that workout.

I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn’t ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you’re not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.

I have never met a truly strong person who didn’t have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone’s shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr. Pepperman.

Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.

Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body.

Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn’t see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.

I prefer to work out alone. It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you’re made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live. Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it’s some kind of miracle if you’re not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.

I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.

Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.

The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.

The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.

So this week was an… interesting one… to say the least. I began with, what I thought, a good keto regiment.  Turns out my macros were off and I don’t think I had as well built of a meal foundation and proper nutrition as I thought I did.  Day one; feeling good, excited and optimistic.  Day two; still good but a developing headache late in the day persisting through the night. Day three; my inaccurate scale shows the lowest weight I have seen, noticeable several pounds less than several days prior at the weigh in. Headache was present but suddenly dissipated mid-morning. Then faster than it it left it stormed back in mid afternoon. I was dizzy and lethargic. I ended up leaving work early because I couldn’t take it. I went straight to subway, got a big loaded foot long, no condiments spared, a bag of chips and a water. It surely did the trick. I was even able to hit up the gym on my route home. Followed up by some t-bell (since I owed it to my body- as if taco bell is a healthy reward!). Needless to say, I opted to put a hold on the keto after researching further.  Back to eating healthy as I have been over the past couple months.
Due to Good Friday, today was a skeleton day at work. I chose to work it. Since many of the Biggest Loser contestants at work were off we decided to postpone the weigh in until Monday. This is just as well since I gained back everything I shed off during my short time trying my incorrect version of keto. Actually I am confident I gained a few from where I started.  Lets just hope my 2 Easter dinners this year will not be abused. With all the great fattening delicious food I will try not to stuff myself like a pinata… as tempting as it may be!

Ok so at today’s weigh in I dropped yet another pound. I was hoping for at least two but at least its forward progress. I popped a couple pictures in front of the mirror this morning but didn’t have time to upload them as my alarm clock failed to go off again and left me rushed to get ready for work. I must say that while I am seeing some good changes in various regions of my body my gut still seems to be the same. I have so far lost 15 LBS but can’t see any of it disappearing from my mid section.  It’s such a buzz kill but I must keep at it. I’ve decided to dedicate myself to 6 days of working out now, the 6th day on Saturday being another cardio day.  I am also hoping that my Keto program will kick into gear quickly because I really want this spare tire/ pregnant figure to disappear by May 1st.  I’ll also be receiving my supplements this weekend (hopefully) and that should (I’m praying) help to speed things up as I continue to workout and eat right.

Either way I will continue to stay focused and motivated. Eye on the prize!!

So I went around today at some of the local gyms that I used to frequent to see what their rates/promos were currently. Starting with the YMCA which is just across the large field from me, perfect for walking to before and after work right!? So I drove over (it was coming down like Katrina- and I still got soaked and ruined my umbrella) to check things out.  Well it’s been maybe 5 years or so since my enrollment there and I saw a few cosmetic changes when I entered. Looked pretty good.  The guy at the desk fetched a brochure and I gasped at the rediculous enrollment fee and monthly rate. Easily 3 times what it was a few years back. Nope, keep your brochure, thanks but no thanks!  I thought the economy was going to hell in a hand basket… Where do they get off charging so much?!
Went home upset after being disappointed and soaking wet on top of it.  I remember receiving brochures for Xsport to waive the enrollment if I come back to them over the past 4 months.  Of course I discarded them but figured I’d call up.  Enrollment even more than the YMCA but the monthly is a lot less. Plus I loved that gym, very nice!  I’ll consider it but first I’m gonna check out what Ballys has to offer.
I call over to the Ballys, which is furthest away… but very conveinent on my way to/from work with only a block off route.  No money down ends today, lowest monthly rate, no contract and nationwide gyms… I’m coming to check it out.  So I get there and I know that that location isn’t going to be the best.  It’s maybe 5 years old but in a lower middle class area. So not expecting much I was actually pretty pleased and very excited that I can work out at the one by my GF’s (5 min away) on the weekends that is supposed to be amazing.  SOLD.
So here I am with my new gym membership, now I just gotta tie up some last minute shopping.  Ordered my supps on bb.com and hope they arrive by the weekend as I wish to start using them Monday.  Oh that reminds me, free one on one with a personal trainer on Monday… Sweet!  Monday I also am starting my keto program to help shed the last 10-15 LBS to reach my goal by 5/1. …Then let the bulking begin!
I’m so pumped up right now I can’t wait to get the ball rolling.  This time I have all the right tools and resources to help me along the way and I’m in it for the long haul. Hopefully this becomes as regular and necessary to me as breathing.

So I’m a day away from the 6 week mark of the office ‘Biggest Loser’ start- only 5 weeks to go. My diet has been altered a few times and is still evolving.  I hate complication… Nice and easy is how I like it. So my intake has been strictly set to a cup of Cheerios, a banana or apple and now a cup of Activia low fat fiber yogurt (Story behind that to come). I then try to have a snack before lunch consisting of a handful of baby carrots to keep me from watching the clock.  Lunch time I will have 2 sandwiches (1 turkey and 1 chicken breast) on whole wheat bread with dijon mustard and a handful of unsalted pretzles and/or unsalted almonds. Then next snack is usually another handful of baby carrots. Dinner time I’ll have a can of Healthy Choice soup and a small serving of cottage cheese. Throughout the day I will try to consume 2-3 liters of water to keep well hydrated.
No healthier eating plan can be accomplished without providing some sort of incentive and reward for your hard work and effort so I will utilize the weekends as my cheat days- Yes I know, 1 is enough but I still monitor my intake and never over do it.

My workout routein so far has been very light. I only do a few exercises to keep toned and help cutting without adding muscle (not yet at least). I’ll do 25 pushups, 50-70 crunches, 20 side to side crunches, and 15 straight leg lifts.  I also do 20 sholder presses off the side of my bed and then 15 bicep curls with a 25 lb dumbell. I’ll do this 3 or 4 times a week.  On days when it is nice enough out (slowly getting to more consistent warmer temps) I take the dog for a walk or a jog. I really need to do more aerboic activity like this for my legs.. and of course, because you need cardio for results also.  I plan to start making this more frequent and even start biking some of the area trials… there are a lot of great ones that I have hiked and explored growing up.

Once I get my cut, hopefully to where I want it by the end of the competition, I will then start focusing on more strength and muscle building to put on the good stuff… lean, toned and sculpted muscle.

I still have a lot of kinks to work out still. I need to enclude more greens and veggies in my diet. Right now I’m taking in about 850-950 calories a day, need to consult the girlfriend if that’s ok (she’s got a degree in excercise nutrition- a great resource right in my lap and I seldomely use it…). I also will need to make some more changes with what I eat and when I’m sure and my workout routeins. As for suppliments, I’m exploring something to fuel the fire and get the ball moving faster and energy pumping. I am strongly considering Lipo 6 (original) and Prima Force CLA.  I’m also looking to add a multi vitamin like Opti Men. Just awaiting for payday to come around.

Now as I vaguely touched on earlier I have started taking Activia, just today actually.  I need to find a way to help regulate my system. I have always been screwed up, only having small BMs every other day or so. I decided to try Colonix with only messing my system up worse to not being able to go. What a disappointment that was. Tried it for 3 weeks and stopped as I couldn’t go unless I popped a couple laxitives. So as of the beginning this week I have not taken another serving of it and have been using laxitives daily to rid it of my system (which I know I should not be doing…). So here I am determined to get back to at least my definition of ‘normal’ for now.  I am very disappointed that I had no results with it as I was hoping it could help flatten my gut as it promised.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling for now. If anyone has some supportive comments or feedback and ideas, by all means please let them sail!

Ok so I’m not a big blogger, haven’t really done it but I think it would be a good outlet, provide a constructive way to share my experiences, gather feedback, learn from my mistakes and review products as well. Call it my disclaimer.
So growing up I’ve always been active. I played soccer for around 10 years, played on a few basketball leagues and was always involved in physical activities like bike riding and roller blading. While I was always on the go I still had a little extra weight, not overweight but average. While I was never considered fat or even considered for the role of anchor on the tug-o-war line I still was self conscious (but I guess we all were and still are). I remember having a close friend that was like a skeleton, zero fat, and thought he was ripped with a 6 pack because of it. He would periodically comment that I needed to drop some weight as we grew up and those exposed moments came around. I don’t think that he meant it to harm but only as comparison for his benefit. Mind you I was always average weight growing up, just not much definition. I guess if you would rely on BMI you could say that I was high-average- if that makes sense. Either way, those comments did not help my still developing self image.  I would turn to hitting the bench and free weights in the garage with my neighbor friend while reading Arnold’s huge white workout encyclopedia-like book and other magazines.  The only problem was that those vast resources and compilations were confusing and I could never sort out what I should focus on and not under-work or even overwork myself.  It was easily overwhelming.
High school was, like everyone else’s, a rough time as I was trying to impress myself and everyone else- trying to be cooler than what I was .  Quickest way to get meet people is through sports, particularly football. I joined the team and began my organized training and nutrition programs. Overall I was in pretty good shape. I had endurance, a good figure, and was getting noticed.  I still faced many struggles, while I was adding strength I still had trouble with the right nutrition (and still do to this day) so I would not have much success added lean muscle and bulking up. Plus in the off season I would join the wrestling team in the summer to keep busy. That consisted if starving and dehydrating myself, cardio till you drop and taking part in ritualistic activities just to make weight. I’m sure these behaviors were definitely not good on the body.
Since high school came to an end so did my healthy(-ish) efforts. Drinking and partying, smoking cigarettes, lack of sleep, poor diet… These were all part of my day to day with working full time and going to college.  It seemed my only aerobic activity at times were sexual activities. I did try joining the local powerhouse and the YMCA from time to time but that would quickly phase out.  It must have been because the only opportunities I could make were in the evening, when I was already worn out and yawning nonstop 15 minutes into it.  I would burn out when I wasn’t seeing any significant results right away. Of course I only set myself up for failure as I did not eat right-eating right before and after because I was starving.  I also was working out only specific muscle groups over and over every day without adequate rest and recovery.  But it was nice not having to wait for equipment or worry about looking weak or fat in front of others.
So where am I now? …Thinking I’m only 26 and feel like I’m 46.  I should be in the best condition of my life. I need to do something and do it now.  I have a hundred reasons of why I should and even a bunch of efforts that I’ve made to live a better lifestyle within the past 8 months-starting with finally quitting my pack-a-day nasty smoking habit.  The main problem is washing away all the bad habits in diet and exercise that I’ve come to accept over the past 2 and a half decades.  Furthermore, replace it with the proper methods (of course after deciphering through the endless resources of great info and garbage).  I need to find ways to motivate myself and keep motivated.  Why not try it here?  It looks like a great positive community where I can learn and share.
So there you have it, just a gist of where I’m coming from. If you’ve read this far I must commend you for enduring my ramblings. And promise that newer posts will be a lot less painful!