nifferness’s BodyBlog

because that would be such a change…sheesh.  Anyhoo, here’s me, all 168 pounds of me, at 5′5" tall that makes me feel icky (well fat, disgusting and gross are also words I’d use but my mom might get mad at me…warm fuzzies, love yourself and all that jazz).  My issue is that in 05 when I was losing weight for my wedding, I dieted down from 180ish to 165 in about 12 weeks.  Doesn’t sound like a lot does it??  15lbs - plus I was working out HARD and a lot.  A nice fine mix of cardio and heavy lifting.

I looked pretty good (for me) at 165, I even felt comfortable enough to wear a bathing suit (that is an event that you can probably witness as often as you may see the Loch Ness monster).  I had a flat, if somewhat soft tummy - believe me I was certainly not going to get plucked out of obscurity for a modelling career at that point, but I didn’t look horrible.  I was roughly a size 8/10.

Now I sit at 168 but look far differant then when I weighed a scant 3lbs lighter.  That’s because I am just a lump and have obviously lost muscle mass - now here comes the part that will make some want to smack into the gym (or perhaps with a dumbell…either or doesn’t really matter) - I do not want to get back to 165lbs and looking okay… I really, really, really want to weigh under 150.  Shallow?  YES, it sure as hell is.  I know, it’s a number and it’s not supposed to define me but damn it all - that’s a load of BS.  Everyone talks about the numbers, it’s one of the major "goals" on this damn site!!! 

I want to wear a bikini for the first time in my life, I want to borrow clothes from my sisters in law (skinny bitches…I kid, I kid).  But I don’t know how to get there.  I have started working out again, mostly cardio as I am trying to figure out what kind of weight training I want to do (I have a bowflex and a couple measly weights…), I’m scared to lift heavy again (and yes I know I won’t BULK up and start looking He-Man with long hair), but I know my body responds really well to heavy lifting and I am terrified it will get me to 165 again and okay…..

I want under 150 (hell under 140 would be damn fantastic) and I want to wear a bikini….

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP……………… and in case you’re wondering I would take skinny fat over where I’m at now…

Well health issues have subsided, frankly they have been fine for a while but I managed to get myself off track enough to not care until just today when I realized my damn clothes are getting tight again.  Plus I have a friend visiting in August, can’t look fat and gross for that. 

So, life will start to get into a normal schedule again as of this coming Monday.  Hubbs goes back to work making it easier for me not to come home for lunch, which usually consists of his chicken fingers and fries…he gets ornary when I don’t want to eat the food he’s cooked for me even if I didn’t ask for it.   Such is life.  Anyhooo…I am going to start running at lunch because well frankly I enjoy running and miss it.  I’m going to throw in a three day fb routine on Mon, Wed & Fri mornings and voila…instant fitness plan again.

Hopefully that will help with the constant feeling of being tired too and dear lord my skin looks like it’s aged 5 years in the past 2 months.  AHHHHHHHHHH help me jeebus indeed. 

Oh and just for the record, I think diet coke should be offered intravenously.  

So I hate when this happens.  I get into a routine and then BAM allo health issues.  I have been sidelined for the past two weeks with severe abdominal pain, writhing on the floor, crying in pain, saying "help me Jeebus" kind of pain.  I have ended up in the emergency room twice, curled in the fetal position begging for drugs.  Now if that isn’t a sight I don’t know what is!

I’m good with pain too, drug free childbirth = fine.  A little bit of abdominal pain and i’m in agony.  The docs think it’s either a peptic ulcer, which I’m told can be painful (duh) or it could be something worse to do with my G.I. tract.  My gut (no pun intended) is saying I have an ulcer and a problem with the G.I. tract.  Oh joy.  I’m going for tests on Monday and hopefully we can figure something out because I just can’t freaking live like this. 

So I haven’t worked out, I haven’t gained weight - which is good but I haven’t lost anything either.  I could be watching my diet closer and I really need to be doing that anyways but misery sure does love chocolate.

Tee hee not really.  I’m fatasstastic right now but it’s a process right?  I finally nailed down my workout schedule and it looks a little something like this:

Monday: Core Synergystics - banana roll bitches!

Tuesday: Cardio (Tony mutha-fawking Little Gazelle) and intervals

Wednesday: Push workout - 3 supersets, focusing on major muscle groups

Thursday: Cardio with my friend the gazelle again folks (good times, good times)

Friday: Pull workout - 3 supersets again focusing on the major muscle groups.

Saturday: some form of cardio, probably a dvd to break up the gazelle monotony (I hope the poor thing doesn’t feel left out but alas, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger…I’m doing this for you gazelle…for you!)

I may not have ever mentioned before that I’m a little crazy (as if you couldn’t tell) but I thought it was worth mentioning that I am aware of my lack of sanity. I kind of like being a nutter but I don’t want to be chucked into a rubber room and have the key thrown away (if the door is unlocked and it’s just for playtime then I am game…) 

Last night the workout for Wednesday was great.  Felt really good and tough.  Yippeeee. 

Not about the gym, i’m fat - I know the point to working out and eating better; obviously it’s so that I have an ass you can bouce quarters off of.  (Although if somebody wanted to do that I might question the things that turn them on..but I digress).  I’m talking about trying to improve yourself in other ways.  I want to go to school but damned if "the man" isn’t doing everything in it’s power to stop me from doing it.  Nope, can’t get a loan because it’s not full time and you’re doing it online.  Well here’s a freaking newsflash - the reason I’m going to school is so that I can get a better job and not have to keep the current crap job i’m at - that in a total catch 22 I can’t leave to go to school full time because I wouldn’t be able to pay my damned bills.

If it’s not one thing it’s another.  FAWK. 

If I had another blog I would bitch there, but I don’t.  Thankfully no one reads my boring whiny crap on here either.  But at least i got it out.  Ahhhh now didn’t that feel good?  No, not really but whatever.

Yep, that’s me.  I own a gazelle.  A Tony Little gazelle.  I bought a fitness product that THAT guy endorses.  How cool am I?  Not very but let’s move on shall we?

I have completely changed up my routine and I am sticking with the new plan for 4 weeks without fail.  I have always lacked direction when I start a program because it may not feel right or whatever but DUH I was never giving anything enough time.  So now this is it!

Monday - Core Synergystics (banana rolls fool!!!)  Hells yeah

Tuesday - Cardio - Gazelle w/ intervals of jumping jacks (steroid jumping jacks, kick ass jumping jacks, kick YOUR ass jumping jacks…hell I make them so tough I’m going to call them Jumping Dirty Freaking Harrys)

Wed - Push workout

Thursday - Cardio - Gazelle w/ intervals again…yeah that kind.

Friday - Pull workout

Saturday - Cardio - of some sort, might do a dvd or some such nonsense.  Hey you make do with what you have no? 

So here’s little old me (I say little, what I mean is still fat) and I am trying to do P90x, only problem is I don’t have a ton of free weights or a pull up bar.  So, clever me I decide to do the P90x cardio and then two days a week where the weights w/o are supposed to be I will do work on the Bowflex and with what measly free weights I have.  But trying to put together a routine is driving me insane.  Every stinking article I read has a differant philosophy.  So ummm yeah WTF????

I have two days a week if I want to continue on with the P90x style…so do I split it Upper/Lower?  Do I do TBT on both days since there is a rest inbetween?  Do I do isolation moves or compound?  Do I do low reps, high weight or high reps, low weight?  HUH???  Again I ask WTF????

I have a bowflex, that is what is available to me.  I can’t run to the store and buy some more weights because I can’t even afford to put gas in my truck this week (or anytime in the foreseeable future…..side note, is that how you spell foreseeable?)  Times are tough! 

So tonight is supposed to be a weight training night and I know not what to do!  This would be soooo much easier if I had a brain like Brain (from Pinky and the Brain) then I would just know everything.  Sigh, I’m as dumb as a sack of potatos.  Hmmmmmm, what to do? 

And my pirated copy of the cardio I was doing last night was going along just fine and then halfway through POOF, freezes up like a frozen something or other.  Phooey.  I demand a refund…..oh wait.

I didn’t give up though and I finished up on a cardio machine (and yes I am way too embarassed to admit what kind of machine mmmmmkay?) but now I will have to figure out what I am going to do about that every Tuesday since that is what’s on the menu. 

Eating clean is going well and I only slightly consider it a cheat that I licked my fingers after I accidently got whipped cream from my daughters pie on them.  No, really it was an accident.  I am getting the water all down, which isn’t too much of a stretch for me since I actually like water.

Tonight is the chest and arms routine I think…hmmm we’ll see how that goes.  I’m not expecting much from myself on this one, I have some seriously pathetic shoulders and arms - even though to look at them you’d think I would be somewhat stronger then a mouse (but I’m not).   

I started a challenge on January 5th that goes to April 3rd.  I’m doing P90x during this challenge as my way to shed some pounds (you see since my last blog in May I haven’t exactly been a fitness fanatic) so it’s my way of getting back into the swing of things.  I’m not doing it by the book but fairly close.

Yesterday was the Core Synergystics workout (with a head cold mind you   It’s an hour long, somewhat cardio, somewhat core work, somewhat everything kind of a deal (clear as mud huh?)  There are some interesting moves, like my personal favourite the banana roll - yep there’s a fitness move called the banana roll (much to my dissapointment it is NOT a pastry filled with banana and whipped cream..which was my initial wish).  You start on your belly in superman pose (arms up and legs up) roll onto your side (picture the shape of a banana - see it IS a clever name!!!) then move to your back and other side then go back down the other way and repeat!  Sounds like fun huh?

Now don’t get me wrong, I do like being girly but let’s be honest we girls get gassy at times and my only beef with the banana roll is that said gas involuntarily gets out while doing this funky move.  And not quietly either.  I’m telling ya my husband was at the opposite end of the house and burst out laughing from my "relief of pressure".  Now maybe it’s a P90x tactic because then I started to laugh and all the while doing my banana roll I am sure it added to my core workout.  So that’s good I guess.

Tonight I’m playing with the line up and I’m going to do the plyo workout (it’s not typically part of the schedule I am quasi following but I love me some plyos   We’ll see how that goes.   

So I finally get back on track and a cold like I have never had before wipes me out completely!!!  What are the freaking odds?

So I feel like poop right now and I can’t even look down without getting dizzy, essentially working out is not an option.  I am really hoping that tomorrow I will at least be able to get in a workout on the bowflex!  Here’s hoping.