nic902’s BodyBlog

So, as I’ve said in my previous blogs my diet has been horrible lately. I know why and I now have things cleaned up and on the right path. I have had a lot going on personally the past few weeks….so upset/stressed ect. If I’m pissed off or happy, the whole world will know about it but if I’m sad, vulnerable or hurt I tend to keep it to myself. I dont like being one of those weak, emotional chicks….so I tend to eat my feelings. My binging has been uncontrollable for a while but once I realized why I was doing it, I was able to fix it. I got back to journaling everynight, which helps my clear my head. I finally feel like I’m mentally in a good place…like I’m back to my old self

Now, unfortunately….I took a look at the calendar and saw that the show I plan on doing is only 11wks away!!!! HOLY $HIT time flys…What the F#CK have I been doing???? So, I can clearly see the weight that I gained over the last few weeks so I finally got on the scale to see how much damage I’ve done…I’m up 10.5lbs from my comp weight I was horrified that there was no way I can do the show and that I totally f#cked up! I talked with my trainer this morning and he assured me that I didnt "completely blow it" like I had feared. I have to get back on my progam ASAP…which I have since wednesday. I’m figuring hitting my macros with clean food will help some of the extra weight fall off, so I’ll see where I am next week. I started looking at suits today as I’m going to have to order one with in the next couple of days!!! I also plan on doing something that I have been avoiding….taking some pics (dum da dum!) I am scared to see what things really look like

Its been SUCH a long week so now, I’m looking forward to chillin on the couch with my puppies and watching Cliff Lee make his Phillies debut!!! btw…I LOVE the trade–I’m feelin another parade down broad street hee hee…ok, enough of my babbling…have a fantabulous friday!!!

cause its been dark as hell lately!!! Not a whole lot has changed since my last blog….unfortunately, my diet has still been piss f*ckin poor My binging has been out of hand, it really has me so dissappointed with myself. I made a promise that I wasnt going to let that happen again and yet I went from allowing post comp ‘treats’ to engaging in full blown binges. I havent stepped on the scale…I am terrified to see the damage I’ve done, although its quite obvious when I look in the mirror! Things in my life have been tough lately, so I’m assuming thats why I’ve been so out of control. Now, that I found the source I hope I can find the solution. My training has still been kick ass….so maybe I’ll luck out and make some muscle gains My diet is 110% today, so hopefully that will be a trend that continues to snowball.

Anywho…on a brighter note, I got the DVD from my show! It was very cool to see my self in action I am looking forward to competing again in October, which is a HUGE reason I must get on track IMMEDIATELY!!! I dont want to have to do a drastic, harsh prep because I screwed up so badly. I have posing class tomarrow and I’m really looking forward to it….not exactly thrilled about the heels but I hope practicing again will help me regain my focus.

I also have a funny lil gym story to share….the other day I was training (back/ham, MY FAVE!!!) and there was some dude training his girl. I usually see the same people at the time I go but they must be new since I didnt recognize them, but they sure enjoyed watching me! The chick was staring at me as I was doing Tbar rows, db deads and hi pully cable rows…she then asked her BF what I was doing and he said "oh dont watch her, shes lifting like a man….thats how women get beastly" LMFAO!!!! One of the guys that I always see there just smiled at me and we couldnt help but laugh…so then on my last set of deads, I HAD to drop the DB’s and growl HAHAHAH I just couldnt help myself!!! Yes, its that easy to get big muskulls!! But to be honest—I AM PROUD TO LIFT LIKE A MAN and to me, being called a beast is quite the compliment!

So, I may have been down lately but I’m still my goofy, dorky self. Now, I have to get all my $hit together for tomarrow…working, then posing class so I gotta have that cooler stocked

I think that title pretty much says it all…this week SUCKED!! I am so happy that its over. When I type I usually just babble and I tend to forget that people actually read/follow my blogs, but as many of you probably know–after my first show I fell back into a binging cycle and gained WAY more fat than I had planned. Then, while prepping for my last show I was dealing with a lot of personal $hit which made my life really stressful. I was VERY proud to say that after this show I was able to enjoy my treats/cheat meals without letting it roll into a huge disaster…until this week. I dont really know what exactly got into me! I went out to dinner on saturday night, then grabbed a few extra snacks here and there on sunday night. I felt horrible (physically/mentally) by monday. Then at work on tuesday there were goodies EVERYWHERE and over the course of a day a handful here and there quickly adds up…I figured the whole day was shot and ending up eating everything in sight when I got home. By Wednesday I was bloated, had a headache and felt weak…my workout was AWFUL. I was done with all this bull$hit!!!! Plus, I got some really $hitty personal news which obviously didnt help. Then thursday rolled around and I was not going to give into temptation, I made it through a long 12hr day at work without cheating….until I had to put all the crap away, and boy did I!!! Yep, I gave in and stuffed my face…then I came home and it just continued. I was so pissed off at myself, I’m better than that. So now I sit up 10lbs in just 7 days.

I am happy to say after a good talking to by my favorite Serb (you are the best!!!!), I am ready to kick my ass back into reality…I can make the right decisions that will lead me to my goals. I know that there is no way I gained 10lbs of fat in a week, its just water, bloat ect…My first instinct was to cut calories for the next week and bump up the cardio to make up for the damage I did. BUT I know that is just another cycle of bad habits that I dont want to fall back into, so as of this morning I am back to eating clean…hitting the macros I’m supposed to and doing the same cardio that I have been. The weight will just regulate itself.

I dont want this blog to sound like I’m bitching or whining but its something I needed to post. I get a lot of messages from chicks giving me props for my will power, asking advice on how to stay disiplined…so I had to let them know that everyone has personal struggles and nobody is perfect all the time. If you slip up—be it for 1 day or for a week, you have to just learn something from it, let it go and start fresh.

Now, I’m off to prep my meals/sups for work and the gym tomarrow….I will be prepared for success

Hey, ya cant say I didnt warn you!!! I havent had much time to sit and babble, but I wanted to update everyone on my the nutty place I call my life First off, my training has been freaking awesome!!!! I started a new routine after my show and it is really intense…I am so freaking sore, even my delts and bis which never really stay sore. My hammies are killing me—glute/ham raises are no joke…my glute/him tie in will be FLAWLESS!!! This booty is gonna POP I seriously love it and look forward to the gym everyday, but I do have a rest day penciled in this week cause I know I need it. I am not a social person when I’m in the gym but lately people have been wanting to chat with me—I have been getting some major props…everything from my form, to the weight I’m moving. One guy even told me that he HEARD I compete and wanted to chat about it since he does too! Its cool…but who the hell is yappin about me???? LMAO!!!

Of course, ya cant talk training without diet…which I’m pretty happy with how balanced I’ve been. As of friday morning I was back down to my comp weight of 108lbs So I decided to celebrate the 4th of July with some fireworks and by going out for a delicious dinner, appetizer and dessert included LOL!!! That was my second cheat in as many weeks, so it will be my last one for a while. As I expected, I was bloated and feeling sluggish today. It definitely effected my workout…coming down from my sugar high. I also went to the game today (PHILLIES SWEEP THE METS!!!!) but I had my fully stocked cooler with me. I’m not going to lie, I wanted a cheesesteak so bad but I’m not going to let my diet get out of control. I have been able to keep my cheats to a meal but the temptations to let it roll into a whole day or a snack here and there is tough. I want to stay lean and make progress in the gym and I know eating $hit all the time will not help me get there. I do plan on having fun this summer (and I have) but at the same time the mental struggle to be ‘normal’ is a daily fight. Me not being ‘normal’ is kinda the story of my life I’ve never been good at ‘normal’ hee hee…and I like it like that!

Anywho, I hope everyone had a happy 4th…time to get back to the clean eating lifestyle! I have to go make my food for tomarrow….I love my structured tupperware way of life  

Oooh and another very cool thing is that I have an athlete profile on a natural bb site…check me out! http://www.liftforlife.com/nicole_gray.htm