the gym…my savior
there are people that eat right and exercise to stay/get healthy, i have a confession to make…that is not my primary reason. i am very vain and i want to look amazing! i want to LOVE what i see in the mirror…if i look good than i feel good. i never realized how much i NEED to workout…for my mental health. it seems that right now, when i am at they gym its the only time i feel happy. i am usually a very positive person, i dont let negativity get me down. for some reason lately life has just been kicking my ass. work has been incredibly stressful and my home life kinda has my head spinning, i’ve been having a lot of days where i just dont want to get out of bed, i dont want to see or talk to anyone. yet…when i get to the gym—its just me, my ipod and my weights. i get in my zone and my brain just shuts off. i don’t think about anything, it’s absolute heaven! i am not the type of person to whine and bitch about things, i used to beat myself up and wallow in self pity but i would never pour it onto the people around me, i always keep things bottled up. if you piss me off…i’ll be the first to let you know that i ain’t having it, but if i’m stuggling with personal weaknesses i NEVER let people in. (yet, i’ll blog about it online and let the whole world know!) i made so many changes in my life…i gave up on all negative thoughts, i dont stress on things that are beyond my control but for some reason the past few weeks i just can’t control my stress levels and negativity. no matter how hard i try to bring the postivity in, the negative thoughts just won’t stop…they are overwhelming! i am so happy that fitness is such a passion for me, the old me would have been depressed, stayed in bed and cried. now, i just go to the gym and i don’t think about anything…i’ve been having wicked workouts and my body looks and feels great but most importantly it truely helps my peice of mind. hopefully, putting this out there will help me cleanse all the shit out of my head and get myself back on the postitive track. out with the bad…in with the good 
it just goes to show that while training has many physical benefits, the mental strength it provides is terribly underrated. i guess until you really have the feeling of ‘needing’ it, you’ll never truely understand.
whew, i’m sorry for everyone that got brought down by reading that! but on a positive note, my phillies just beat the cubs…pat burrell for 08 MVP! oh yeah, my leg/ankle is still giving me trouble but it feels like its getting better (hey, maybe things are looking up!). now, me and brody are going to sunggle up with my heating pad and watch the rest of the games!
April 11, 2008 at 6:36 pm
i love your honesty, girl! and don’t worry about bringing anyone down… you’re being honest and you’re being you, and that’s great!
hang in there!
April 11, 2008 at 7:15 pm
This blog wasn’t a downer; it just shows how important health and fitness is. I could have written this blog–seriously! I have been having a hard time lately, myself. And while it is painful to get up and out the door–once I’m in the gym everything changes. I gain some clarity and perspective. Or I can choose to put on a good ‘f- it’ song and lift until it burns and forget about it. I hope things get better for you soon!
April 25, 2008 at 5:03 am
Good for you! One of my reasons for working out is to keep me sane and keep me out of trouble. In fact, I think I even put that in my profile. I suspect that mental health is a very common reason for working out. I just think that there are few, such as yourself who are brave enough to admit it. There have been times where before going to the gym I wanted to choke the snot out of somebody, give up, lose myself in a bag of (insert your favorite chip or drug here) or skip it and head for the bar. However, I’m always amazed at how much better I feel after a workout! The gym somehow puts it all in perspective. As you surely know, this quickly becomes addictive and keeps us going back! Great progress, keep it up!