newme09’s BodyBlog

So, back to labor.  I’d been walking for most of September (Due date was 17Sep) anywhere from 1 mile to 4 miles a day.  I had to walk a lot slower (just because I was out of breath), but during the last week or 2 I realized that sometimes I would have a stomach cramp.   When I paused for 10 seconds or so, they went away (Braxton-hicks, I think).  They weren’t extremely painful (a little stronger than a bad period cramp, and more distinct & longer), and didn’t happen unless I was ‘on a walk.’ UNTIL the Sunday before I gave birth (B-Day – 3). 

Sunday afternoon I had some cramping (about once every hour), not extremely painful, but DEFINITELY noticeable – and when I was just hanging around the house.  I was hoping they would continue so I wouldn’t have to go to work on Monday.  I went to sleep that night (easily) and they weren’t there the next day. 

Monday, after work (I worked ½ days at that point) the cramping came back in the evening.  Again, these weren’t regular, were spaced far apart and weren’t very painful.  Again, I went to sleep that night hoping they would get worse so I wouldn’t have to go to work again the next day.  But during the day, once, when I went to the bathroom there was this small thing that looked like a really big booger w/a little red streak in it (like a HUGE nose booger – you know, a little pink but mostly tan & brown).  It was about the size of a paperclip. No bleeding.  No spotting.

Tuesday, I didn’t have any cramping upon waking up, but I just didn’t feel like going to work – so I didn’t.  Early afternoon, the cramping started again & I was hoping SOMETHING would happen so I went for another walk.  This time, while walking the cramps were a bit painful – I had to stop for about 30 seconds while the stopped.  Like the others, The cramping was in the front of my stomach.  As the evening progressed, during dinner, I noticed they were coming a little more frequently (around 8 – 20 minutes apart) but still not memorably painful.  I had another ‘surprise’ in the toilet, this time a ‘booger’ about the size of a silver dollar.  Again, no bleeding. No pain w/ the booger surprise.  After about 2 hours of the milder cramps, they began to become painful. 

At the point the cramps began to become painful, they were about 6 – 10 minutes apart, lasting no longer than 30-40 seconds.  I remember the DISTINCT difference in the cramping.  The painful cramps started in lower back & made their way to the front, then relaxed in a reverse pattern.  I remember describing them to my Husband as ‘the death grip of hell’ with the fingers creeping from the back to the front, then squeezing the s**t out of my stomach, then loosening its grip & fading back into my spine.  It was painful, not comfortable, but bearable.  This lasted for several hours – similar feeling contractions – gradually getting stronger all night.  I STILL wasn’t sure it was ‘the real thing’ yet, because I’d never felt ‘real contractions’ before.  They also didn’t get longer (not the 60 seconds to 2 minutes you read about).  That night, when it was time to go to bed (around 11pm), I remember I couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t get comfortable and the contractions were becoming very painful. 

I got through the contractions: (1) because nothing hurts in between the contractions.  It’s back to business as usual.  So once the contraction starts, you only have to bear it for less than a minute, then you’re fine.  (2) I’m one of those hippie types that believe the body (when treated right, and nourished appropriately) can basically heal itself.  To that end, I also believe my body is healthy & efficient.  I let my body do what it does.  I read up A LOT on the process of labor & was aware of what was happening to me. I also read (Bradley Method & Sears) that relaxing lets your body do the work with the least amount of resistance – thus making the whole process shorter.   Although I couldn’t ‘just relax’, I tried my hardest not to tense up once I felt ‘the-death-grip-tingle’ in my lower back. It didn’t make the contractions painless (HA! But, honestly something I read –SEARS), but I’m sure the lack of resistance helped things on their way. [Note: Ms. Sears said she relaxed all her muscles (trying to look 11 months prego), and the contractions were painless. HAHAHAHHAHHA! LMBO! I tried that advice & once they got hard they were anything but painless, HOWEVER, repeating the mantra “Relax, Relax, let it all hang out” slowly, and to a beat in my head while I practiced slow, deep breathing (getting oxygen to wherever it needed to be) helped keep me ‘in the moment’ instead of freaking out].  The contractions were so painful that it was hard to concentrate on anything else. It’s not like, “Oh, I slammed my finger. [move on to next thought] I think it’s broken.” It’s “I need this feeling to stop immediately. [repeat, do NOT move on to next thought until pain is gone]”

Now, back to sleeping.  I couldn’t sleep, so I went downstairs & watched some TV.  The contractions became increasingly painful, but still not any closer together or longer.  Around the time I realized I couldn’t sleep is when the contractions became so painful I wanted to go get some drugs. BUT,  I didn’t want to show up at the hospital & have them either (1) tell me to go home – that I was being a punk, or (2) have me sit/walk around the hospital for another whole day.  So, if that’s any indication of how painful labor is: contractions hurt like hell, but I was still able to wonder if they could possibly get any worse.  Plus, I didn’t want to wake up my husband for a ‘false alarm.’   Finally, at around 3 AM, I couldn’t take it – I wanted to go to the hospital & at least have them check to see if I could get an epidural yet.  I felt like I wasn’t time to go to the hospital until my water broke (IT NEVER DID, so DON’T use this as your only guideline), so I called my Mother-In-Law.  I told her about how I couldn’t sleep, how my contractions were about 6 minutes apart, but that my water hadn’t broken yet.  I couldn’t talk through the contractions (I had to stop and concentrate on NOT clenching every muscle in my body like I wanted to), but I sounded good in between them, so she suggested I wait a little longer if I could.  SO, about 10 minutes after getting off the phone with her, I decided I really had to do something & I wanted to go to the hospital.  NOT-SO-EASY… remember, I don’t have a car and it’s about 330 in the morning.  The person who is my ride doesn’t wake up until 430.  I waited another 15 minutes.  During that time, the contractions became so painful that I couldn’t be standing while they were happening.  I had to lean or do this weird ‘all fours’ position b/c I didn’t want to waste energy on trying to stand up. Again, like before, I could carry on as soon as it passed – for the next 5 minutes.  I vomited a few times and continued the ‘going to the bathroom just to sit on the toilet because there is no more poop in there because I’ve been trying to poop every 20 minutes for the last 16 hours and it’s been long gone’ routine. 

I woke up my husband & decided to call my ride who (THANK GOD) was actually up for some reason.  Before we left, I got a chance to take a shower.  The warm water was SOOO relaxing & LET ME TELL YOU…. The all fours position in the shower is THE BEST!! But, alas – in order for me to get to the hospital to get an epidural, I had to get out of the shower.  I got dressed in (what I now call) “my baby havin’ sweatpants” and asked my Husband to please help me pack some things (yes, I had never packed the bag – and no, she wasn’t very early…. A day before her due date).  We finally left for the hospital around 5 (after my husband was scrambling around for things I was calling out to him – like an at-home shop til you drop show), and arrived at the hospital around 5:30.

NOTE: I had my baby in a hospital in GERMANY.  Some of the nurses (midwives) don’t speak the best English & I don’t speak any German. 

When I got to the hospital, I went straight to the labor & delivery ward (as was standard in that hospital).  I threw up (water) in the bushes while walking into the hospital, in the trashcan in the main lobby & in the bathroom.  While trying to explain that I had been having contractions for a day & that they were very painful & coming around 5 minutes apart, one came on me and (right in the middle of my sentence) I had to drop to the all-fours position in the middle of the hallway at the hospital (my embarrassing moment).   Once I got up, they made me pee (I had about 10 drops) and had me sit around for an ultrasound.  10 minutes later, the dr comes in for the US – everything is good & I get to see the midwife for the internal exam.  During the ultrasound I tell the DR to please call the anesthesiologist because I DEFINITELY want an epidural ASAP.  He says the nurse will do an exam & based on that they will call the anesthesiologist.

I go into the exam room & barf up all the water I’d been drinking to try to pee.  Then I ‘hop’ (yeah right) up on the table. The nurse does the exam is gets this shocked look on her face: I’m already 9 centimeters & there is just a small lip.  She asks me if my water had broken yet/was there even a trickle (I told her no) and she tells me its too late for me to get an epidural.  My heart dropped.  I was so disappointed. The midwife ran from the room to talk to the dr (the guy who drove us told me what she was doing). The midwife comes back in just a few minutes later and checks me again.  Im 10 centimeters.  I got an IV with (supposedly) something for the pain (I was later told by other ‘natural’ mothers that I’m not the only one this ‘drug’ doesn’t work for & that it’s basically to take the edge off and/or trick you.  At this point, she ***uses that hook thing*** to break my water.  I (even though I was going through the contractions) was afraid it was going to hurt.  It didn’t, I didn’t feel it at all and just felt this weird WARM water gush out.  It was JUST slightly thicker than regular water and was nice and warm.  Immediately following the water breaking (less than 30 sec) I had this HUGE ass cramp which was different from the others in that it wasn’t a ‘death grip’ cramp, it was more like a tremendous pressure on the inside.  I think it was an overwhelming urge to push which I had to try EXTREMLY, PAINFULLY hard to not give in to (because I was afraid to push without ‘the goahead’).  This was the most painful contraction of the whole night.  The midwife came in right after that and asked if I had the urge to push yet, and I was really relieved that I’d be able to push.  I trired to push a few times and I started to make the ‘pushing sounds/moans’ you hear on TV (up til then, the whole thing was mostly silent).  I felt that pushing while lying on my back was counter productive.  The hospital had this rope hooked to the ceiling & I wanted to squat using that to support myself, but I didn’t think my legs would hold me.  So, I flipped over and assumed the all fours position again…. Yes, butt up & in the midwife’s face (I’m not the most modest person to begin with).  I pushed some more, and I remember the midwife telling me something to the effect of ‘stop making all that noise and use THAT energy towards pushing.’  Once I did that, I actually felt like my pushing efforts were being rewarded.  I could feel that the baby was near the end and although I wanted to push her out, I was also thinking that I didn’t want to rip, so I half-assed some of the pushing effort for a few minutes.

The pushing comes in waves… kind of like contractions (but more like contractions that make you want to push down than contractions that hurt like the hand of death).  I made sure to try & relax everything (yes, EVERYTHING – which is why my husband made a comment afterwards saying that a certain area was like ‘make an open circle shape with your mouth.’).  After a few pushes the midwife said the head was close, the baby had a lot of hair & did I want to feel it.  I said ‘no’ for two reasons (1) its all slimy & disgusting and IN my vag. And (2) I wanted to hurry & get this overwith.  I remember during the pushing that I was VERY thirsty. My husband got several cups of water for me while I was pushing.  It was like ‘pushpushpush’ for 30 seconds, rest & drink for 1 minute.   I didn’t push when I didn’t have the urge.  And when I didn’t have the urge, I rested by laying more on my hands over a pillow & inclined bed.  At one point I moaned to sean (in between swishes of water in my mouth) “im so tired, and it hurts so much.”  I remember as soon as I said it that I thought to myself…  it doesn’t hurt THAT bad… and that was a kind of funny & weird thing to say.  It’s now one of the jokes in the running commentary that plays in my head all day long. 

Pushing for a few minutes had her head in my canal, near the opening & me afraid to push too hard & rip myself but wanting the baby out.  The last few pushes actually take some real effort.  I finally gave one last push (and for some reason I felt like I KNEW it was the final hurrah), nearly yell/moaning the word, “F*******K” as my baby popped into the world.  No ‘head out first & then another push for the shoulders’… it was all out at the same time, like ‘plop!’ 

Keana Lucille was born at 6:17 a.m. about 45 minutes after we arrived at the hospital.   She was 6 lbs, 12 oz (US at 39 weeks measured her head at the size of a 34/36 week old baby)… which is why she could have been so ‘easy’ coming out.  The father cut the umbilical cord (something he’d decided previously that he absolutely NO interest in doing, but the mood struck him).   She was absolutely fine and healthy… she looked a little like an alien (not because she was misshapen, just because) but looked A LOT better within the week).  The midwife pushed around on my belly & lightly pulled on the cord while I barely pushed to deliver the placenta (painless).  I had a small tear (just a few stitches) which was repaired with Novocain or something while I held the baby, and I was given a suppository for the resulting pain. 

I didn’t feel that ‘overwhelming im a mom & I love this child to death’ feeling when I held the baby, but that’s the next entry.