Perhaps is depression??????
Ok,so this might be the last blog….i don’t really know,since my mood changes by the hour……I decided to take it really easy on these impossible"goals" that i had set since i joined bodyspace.Yes,i know people have ups and downs,and so many have fall off the wagon a lot of times….but me,i just have no limits whatsoever.So i been following the perfect plan that jason’s given me and it works,as long as you stay on it…i am supossed to cheat(just one meal) on saturdays….this weekend,however it turns to be a fest for me.I went to town on pizza,pastas,bread…food,food,food…….yo
u guys don’t even know how i look right now…..i may have gained easily like 8 pounds…and i am not kiddin…..I am so embarrased,and awfully guilty,as well as depressed…right now,as i’m typing this,i’m crying…(everybody would be like:OMG what a LOSER)…and i do feel like that,because everytime i have the chance to reward myself having a treat i overdo it…EVERY SINGLE TIME…..is like i never learn the lesson…..I eat like there is no tomorrow…and why?…i can’t find the answer….perhaps i am meant to fail or perhaps i am so stupid to not see what the consequences are,being in the exact same place as i was when i started dieting…..is ridiculous!!!!!!!…….What’s worse is that i did not only failed myself,but my cyber trainer Jason..(omg if he only knew)…..anyways……I am tired of this.Why do i do this to myself?,why can’t i be just happy?,why is it so hard to set limits and remember where i was and who i am today?,Is it because something’s missing in my life?,perhaps the lack of social life,work or family?………..why am i my own worst enemy?and why am i continuing failing?……am i ever going to learn from my mistakes and take action once and for all?…………..who knows…….
All i know for now is that of course i will continuing training,hard,that is no problem to me…..as far as for food……cheating it has to be out of the picture for a long time…..i have to stop all this drama of guilty pleassure….obviously it takes a big toll on me….and the only reward i get from it is depression….not worth it at all………Sorry i deleted all my pics,but just looking at them makes me feel really bad and dissapointed…and about posting new ones,who knows when i will be able to do it, i am not near confident to show how bad i am looking,and i know that in a week i will not be back to my own self…this will take minimum a month and from then we’ll see how i’m doing and how i’m looking.
Also i will not be spending so much time,like i always do,on this site,since all i will get is obsession over a goal that i always dreamed off,but is more than obvious than i am not cut out for it…and that is:being shredded…….so for now i will do the best i can,and perhaps one day in the future i may find the missing tool that i need to achieve that goal.I have realized that everytime that i take one step forward,i do something to find myself ten steps behind from where i was…..the story of my life:I love food more than myself…….PATHETIC…..simple as that.
Everybody look up for me and see me as an inspiration….and i am wondering…really?….inspiration for what:FAILURE?,that’s all i’ve done so far……..if you look in the dictionary the word dissapointment,my face is there,because that is me…………………..
So anyways…..i’m gonna go and do something else before i go crazy……until next time……….me.
April 14, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Keep your head up Nat!
I have consistently gone through the same guilty/depression cycle after overdoing it on something that I treated myself to. You’ve just gotta focus on what you do have, instead of what you don’t. Lofty goals are always an aspiration, and you can’t be too hard on yourself when you experience a minor setback. Remember that it was only one weekend, and not two years of overindulgence.
I honestly think that your goals are attainable and you work really hard from what I can see. I think you’ve made GREAT progress and look fantastic.
Chin up!
-S
April 14, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Look at you girl. You are freaking beautiful! A very young Ava Cowan with many, many years of beauty and fitness goals ahead of you. Keep your chin up and allow yourself to relax if you need to. Then get back in there! Research your self hatred. We all have it. FInd the roots behind it…and then pull those suckers out! Take it from me…life is too short! Best wishes and much cyber-love. XOXO. Maddi
April 14, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Sorry you had a bad eating weekend! Now cool out! It’s OK, just pick your butt up, and find a way to burn those calories off! Your body may have needed a break! Staying fit is a life time of little steps, none too defeating and none to progressing! It takes time and a series of good choices or bad choices to make or brake yourself! Get back up and pick up some weights, hit the stair stepper, run a little, jumping jacks, push ups! whatever it takes and go from there! You can do it!
April 14, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Thanks to all of you guys……as i said,i am not throwing the towel for this….i love training and is part of my life……I am still back to my diet and my routine of weight lifting and cardio.Today i trained harder than ever….but i am so dissapointed that i have to let it out somehow.Thank you guys,you all gave me hope to keep persuing my goal.Much love….nat
April 14, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I say this even though I know you won’t believe it. You are doing great and look so good. You are so close to your destination.
My mental picture of myself is far worse than I am and I am far far out of shape…but I see myself as Jabba
The only thing that I can add to what others have said is that you must try to live the moment of now and not the past or the future. This is so important or you will beat yourself up to the point of quiting every time you stumble. We all stumble. It is not the falling that makes us but the getting back up that makes us great. So Pizza is a trigger food that you can’t control. That is true for many of us. You know this now and you can avoid pizza in the future. I know that if I eat that yummy Italian food that I will have severe cravings for days or weeks. I must avoid the stuff, but at times I break down and indulge.
Make an appointment with a local personal trainer. This is not to take anything away from your cyber-trainer but sometimes a person needs to see and talk to a physical person and that trainer needs to assess you directly. Sometimes if nothing else to help assure you that you are doing great.
I don’t know the tricks to get shredded but I hear there are a few.
I do hear and feel your pain and I pray that it is not long lasting. Depression sucks. You don’t.
April 14, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I’m often guilty of over indulging when it’s time to reward myself or enjoy a cheat. One of the best tools I’ve learned to stop myself from binging or cheating or taking it too far, is to literally ask myself before each meal "Is this going to get me closer to my goal or further from my goal?" I then answer, consider how much it may set me back then either give myself the treat I deserve and stop when it’s time or I skip it altogether depending on how badly I need the reward.
If you’re always miserable becasue you can’t enjoy ANYTHING ever, it doesn’t matter how good you look you’re going to be miserable.
This weekend I had 4 glasses of wine in one sitting. Not ideal… but I earned it and now I won’t do it again for a long while.
April 14, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I will PM you :O)
April 14, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I’m definitely in agreement with Maddi about the Ava Cowan comment!! I know it’s always easier from the outside looking in, but I think you are doing fantastic (from the progress pics), and I don’t think you are failing at all but progressing! The splurge may have been a slight setback, but just look at the overall progression and you’ve done amazingly! I hope you stick with it - you definitely look like you have what it takes to compete seriously!! Take care!
April 14, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Natalia,
You are a gorgeous young woman with a beautiful body. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Being fit, working out and eating right is a lifestyle. Relax and enjoy your life. Continue to follow your dreams without being over critical. Best wishes with achieving your desired goals.
April 14, 2008 at 4:54 pm
From the one pic you have you are gorgeous. Clearly you can get in good shape, and goals aren’t meant to be easy. It’s not how you fall, its how you get up. After reading your blog I can tell you are a very special person with, what appears to be, an old soul. Your thoughts reach out to all of us because we have all been there. I appreciate your honesty and its comforting to know we all struggle at times. You are gorgeous. Dont be too harsh on yourself. Its what’s inside that counts.
April 15, 2008 at 7:06 am
Natalia,
You are being too hard on yourself! You are a beautiful girl in awesome shape and you have worked so hard to get where you are…so you had a bad weekend of eating…it was only 2 days! I am sure you will get back to your clean eating and will look better than ever in no time! I can’t have cheat meals because I know I will go splurge after that and want it all the time…I am at the point where I haven’t had cheat foods in so long that I don’t even desire them anymore…this is the way I control myself! Please know we are all here to support you and that you are beautiful…inside and out! Cyber Hug
April 15, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Trust me, Nat. You are a beautiful human-being in both of outer and inner ways. I’m blessed to know you and can’t wait to hang out with you again. Check the PM inbox.
P.S. I just can’t believe how we are on a same boat at the same period. so much in common. ;x good or bad.
Kate
April 15, 2008 at 2:33 pm
yoooo sweetie! Easy manma! Look, I am the same way as you are when it comes to diet. I don’t understand moderation w/ sweeets..i overdue it every damn time! and i end up feeling sad and depressed and down on myself..but you know what. I just brush my shoulders off and keep on keeping on-eventually, i’ll have my aha moment and it will all be clear! NO one is perfect!! NOT YOU or ME! Do not give up on your goal, you take it one day, one meal at a time! YOU can do this! You are an awesome girl and your are freaking gorgoeous! Please, pick that pretty little head up and keep on trucking! I just look at all my screw ups as rehearshal…so, please, please, do NOT beat yourself up! It’s starts from the inside out, you gotta fix in teh inside before the outside can change! So start there and work w/ that, but don’t give up and throw all your hard work out the window! okay! I love ya sis!! cyber hugs!! xoxo
April 15, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Awwwwww,i just have to say to all of you who are supporting me that you have lifted me up in a way that i can not describe.The power your words have gave me is incredible.I am taking action and considering these mistakes as lessons ,and i do believe we all humans and we all make mistakes….with all this help from all of you i found myself stronger and ddetermined..more than ever…so i hope i get to take this as my realization moment and once and for all take it to the top and succeed over my expectations.Thank you sooooooo much to all of you…..you don’t know how amazing you were to me with your kind words.
April 17, 2008 at 6:45 pm
As you can see you’re not alone! Keep rockin and rollin and you’ll be able to be back in no time. I think everyone would agree that you’re progress is phenomenal.
Jt
April 19, 2008 at 7:12 am
You’re wonderful and fully capable of making the changes you desire, you’ve done it before, it’s only a matter of making GOOD decisions and being consistent with your workout regimen. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed by pressure at times, but just dust yourself off and get back in the game, Nat!
You have a lot of admirers on your side who will help you when you’re in need!! 
Take care hun and PM me anytime!
April 26, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hey Naty,
Keep looking forward. Once you have achieved a good level of fitness, low bodyfat, etc. The progress WILL be slower.
Have patience and only look forward. By coming to this forum and exposing your heart you are already a winner.
Remember the longest journey is completed one step at a time. 95% of your focus should be on the next step.
Cheers,
Tony
August 7, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Hello Nat,
I read your blog and felt the same way at times. We have the same great haircut, and from what i can tell from your pic. I like to say the same beautiful face. But what i dont have is your beautiful body. dont beat your self up you have to get back in there. so your goals can inspire me…..