never_quit’s BodyBlog

Again it’s been a while….life gets in the way sometimes….ya know?  My dad, my maternal grandmother, my maternal grandfather and my dog all died last year. My mom was taking care of her mother and she lost both her parents within two weeks of each other. Granted, my grandfather was 102 and my grandmother was 96 but it’s still super tough on her. I finally convinced her to move down here close to me and she’s been nearby for about a month now. It’s a good thing but man oh man-talk about an adjustment for me (and for her!). I only lived with my mom until I was 12 and then lived with my dad so there are issues to say the least. So the focus has not been on me-and it seems to always spark guilt when I do try to focus on me… So a new semester has started and I’m signed up for karate again. Every class I go through mass amounts of anxiety beforehand and even think about dropping the class. Everything from I am embarassed about how I look to I don’t deserve to go because I’ve already missed so much goes through my head. Last Thursday I came ‘this’ close to dropping the class, but I went anyway. I ended up leading the warm up exercises for the class and at the end of class one white belt guy came up to me and told me how much scarier than my husband I was! I’m a brown belt and hubby is a green belt-I tell you what-that made my day! I ALWAYS feel better after I go and I just wish that I could forego the whole angst episode beforehand….hopefully it will be easier to go next class…and continue to get easier until I actually get the balls to go to the main dojo again, instead of just the college class…..baby steps…baby steps….

This entry was posted on Monday, October 6th, 2008 at 5:28 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.