Detox? Insomnia? Sleep eating zombies? Stream of consciousness…
I read Eddie Robinson’s detox article today:
He mentions a mini detox of just lemon water for 24 hours and I’m wondering if maybe I should do it? I also recently read an article about Jack Lalane and how his fitness life began when he heard Bragg speak-and Bragg was a big proponent of fasting. Although I’m not sure that Jack Lalane has ever touted fasting…hmmm…
I’ve felt like a total slug for the last 2 days-been struggling with insomnia and the total waste of a day that comes from virtually no sleep-or the alternate of just sleeping the day away and then trying to sleep again that night…argh! I’m pretty sure that it’s anxiety that keeps me awake-I’m getting pretty nervous/excited about starting school again on Monday. For me, the anticipation of something is always worse than whatever the something is. I think it’s a self defense mechanism left over from my childhood-kind of a ‘if I can think of the absolute worst thing happening and expect it, then the worst thing that can happen will be that my expectations are met or better yet that they aren’t’ self defense mechanism. Hmm…I wonder if that made sense to anybody at all other than me? Of course, it’s possible no one reads this so… Anyway, now it’s just a knee jerk reaction to something new. My mind has been thinking of all the worst possible things that can happen on Monday. It’s no wonder I can’t sleep! The irony of this can be that if the fears stop a person from doing the activity that causes the fear, then a vicious cycle starts i.e. new activity + massive anxiety = abstaining from new activity which results in the anxiety going away. So the subconscious knows it works and the groundwork is there to avoid future activities. An example that I can think of for myself is a social event that I’m not comfortable with. I start freaking out about how I look and how other people will view me and how ugly I am etc. and I get more and more nervous and stressed out as the event gets closer and something ‘happens’ where I can’t go. I don’t go and my stress goes away, which just reinforces that behavior because it ‘works’. Hmmm…interesting….
But, I have a plan! The FEARS aka big hairy monsters with big nasty teeth aka drooling, ichor dripping, rotting, sleep-eating zombies gain power in the DARK. They gain power in the shadowed, cobwebbed nether regions and the damp basements filled with scurrying sounds and cobwebs that touch your face. I reach into the chasm and drag out one of the beasts. As the light hits it and sunshine bathes it in warmth and life, the monster starts shrinking. It’s talons diminish until they are nothing more than soft, rounded shriveled finger tips no harder than a q-tip. it’s fangs are shown to be no more than soft decaying enamel capable only of chewing stewed prunes. I pull out the first monster-the one that had me lying awake wide eyed and terrified of walking into a classroom and being stared at by 100 18 year old super models with perfect hair, clothes and bodies staring at me with disdain. The first monster shows their thoughts of me as being an old frumpy woman with 1,000 lbs of fat and wearing ugly clothes that make me look even worse and all shying away from me and laughing at me. As the light shines on the horrible monster, all the shadows disappear and my eyes clear. Not only do I see that the monster is really a small thin muling nothing that was only as large as it’s shadow, but I also see myself clearly too-both myself and the world around me. I see what the shadows were hiding: my strong mind and will, my experience and intelligence, my heart and the caring that I have for others. I grab some comfy sweats, a t-shirt and some flip flops and the monster disappears from sight…
Bring it on!
