So I am back to the weight I was almost two years ago.  And it took me a whole month to stop being depressed about it.  I was floundering for these past 12 months trying to get a handle on it but to no avail.  I finally understand how and why people who make dramatic transformations end up being back in the starting blocks.  The keyword, BALANCE.  It seems so simple and yet for many of us it can be so elusive.  When I competed everything was in a bubble.  My husband took care of many things and outside of dragging my then 1year old to the gym, I had way more flexibility.  But after competition things quickly changed. My stepson (who was 15 at the time) moved in and we had highschool to deal with.  For those of you with teenagers you get it.  Talk about a job.  Not to mention, add this to taking care of my 8 year old, the 2 year old, my spouse, and my part time job.  I was no longer competing and there really wasn't a goal in mind.  And I had every excuse in the book!  I went back to my eating habits due to the severe restriction, unrealistic expectations and entitlement. Because I couldn't maintain my show weight; I eventually just gave up.  This is hard to say, since my profession is to motivate others not to give up.  But I am a human being, so keep your judgment to yourself..lol..no please, keep it to yourself.  

I was struggling; I couldn't keep up with the severe restriction and struggled to find a happy medium, aka balance.  I was comparing myself to people who didn't have the same obligations as I do.  My family requires a lot of attention and many of the women I admire have no kids or spouse, or a spouse that is off doing their own things.  Or they have one child and time to themselves; things that I don't have or have to create.  So instead of complaining or comparing myself to others, I have decided to work on me without judging myself based on someone else's journey. 

I am happy to say that I am back to training for my next competition starting this week.  This time I know what to expect and am hopeful that I will find balance afterwards.  Lifestyle change is a journey and a never ending process.  I am glad to still be working towards a healthier me.