nadiamab’s BodyBlog

sometimes im so disappointed in myself,all i want to do is scream ahhhhhhhhh

and let someone know too, my way of venting.

it sucks when you know what you want,visulize what you want and know how to get it but stupid mistakes and lack of control stops you.

what a disaster, i love to workout and im guilty of overtraing for a week and then binging for the other,i wish i can stop . what a bumpy road.

ill over come it,it takes time ,i know

yesterday when i was at the gym. an older man approach me and told me that he was watching me doing my routine and says he he can tell that im very knowledgeable of  weight lifting. he told me  he can tell i have lifted before and is  very experienced in weight lifting.

now that may seemlike a ordinary statement to you. but just 6 months aho i weight in at 201 pounds. which is fairly obese. now im 60 lbs lighter ,in ust 6 months

so to me that is a great compliment because to be considered an experienced lifter when once highly overweight . really made me feel good and my  passion to lifting greatly increased  .

i did slip a bit last week of no training and a whole lot of binginging but its been one week back on trck and i feel great.

no more bloating or fatigue

man! im so bad.. i w went to bed last night  that i was goig to put myself on a 30 day challenge. no cheat or binging for all of november. i wokeup at 4am to head to work thi morning and had my cu of oatmeal and was so confident i would accomplish ths goal .but i already failed on my first day

i had a frappucino and a twix and 2 donuts 15 min. ago..

why cant i stop this terrible habbit.

i feel so disgusted with myself. my stomach is so bloated  it feels terrible.

why cant i stop.

im not hungry in yet im planningmy next bite already.

i dont sleep enough and with bad carbs in me.i feel yet again lethargic and missed a workout already.

this is my forth day in a row n this incredible binge.  i feel like im going to throw up but my stomach still hurts and grols.

i havent had my period since the begining of aug. and  i get the weirdest muscle cramps at night during my sleep.

im so tired and disgusted.

i feel lke theold peron in me is trying to come out agin. the old ,lazy,fat and unhealthy person.

i shall kill  that terrible person but in time..i have to learn how to eat in a humanly manner .to truly undertand this lifestyle change and then i can go bacck to the fat loss and musle gaining.

im aggrevated becuse it may take alot of time to learn better eating habbits.the habbits i was raised upon but it shall come and it would be my life . angd it’ll make life less agrevating

today is the thrid day in a row that i have been incredibly binging..i would be full and still eat

im so mad but i dont care..i eat like im never going to eat again . from the sec. i wake up till i sleep. its almost as if i am trying to get as much empty calories in as possibe. which  of course isnt the ase.

i feel abnormal.. and not  only  am i binging ,im also missing workouts.

you see whenone overly eat oon carbasious and fatty food..one tends to feel bloated and lazy.

im usually wanting to workout but feel to heavy.

how depressing!!! and embarrissing?

i lost 60 pounds and did it without eating any carbs except the carbs in veggies. it took me less then 6 months to accomplish this fat loss.

but this month of october ,i began to start eating carbs. and all it takes is one sweet  bite and im iwild. this month ,i have had 6 gigantic cheat days and now its more like 9.

i feel guilty and hate myself for being so dumb to deprve myself in the firt place..i usually gain about two pounds and then lose them then repeat. do to my cheats.

i think my biggest accomplishment would be when i overcome my binging disorder.

i believe that satisfaction  would be the satisfaction of 60lbs weightloss any day.

because i still feel like a fat person. mybinging reminds me how unhealthy and ugly i was and how i never want to go back to that ever again.

instead of that motivting me all i can think about is food and unfortunetly all i can say is that i dont care  and whatever

but inside me ..i do care andits killing me that i dont have the ower and control and motivation any more..

i know my careless and unhealthy habbits got me where i was  .

i just want t screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

i just need to vent for awhile.ill get back on track..i know it..

i just hope its soon

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