musclerose’s BodyBlog

Hi guys. If you’ve read my last blog, you may have noticed or not a lot of undertones to my message. If you are familiar with my character, you know I’m usually witty and do not blog about negative things. I try to keep it on a positive, even during not so positive situations. Lately, I have had a few curves thrown at me, as we all do at some point and time, and to be frank, it’s been really tough. However, the one constant has been my training and my continued progress in the gym. Training has really been a Godsend for me because I have been in my head a lot these few weeks. Funny how life makes you face facts huh? You look around and you realize that if you don’t get off the ground after a hard swift kick in the ass, you’ll find yourself just sitting there and waiting. Well, who else is going to pick you up if you don’t at least dig your heals in and try to get your balance? You began to see that you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Emotional/mental strength is so needed when you use your physical muscle because it takes emotional/mental strength to even “believe” you can accomplish the physical.

I find that once you decide to dust yourself off and get back on path again, you take with you a strength which truly defines that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Going the distance is something we all do without even thinking about it. It’s either we push through and move on, or we continue to swim circles in our own mental fish bowls. A quote I have heard and found to be true will sum up this entire message …“Pain is your friend as long as you don’t live there – use it for drive. When you find your drive, you find lasting reasons within yourself to continue to move forward.” (Tony Robbins)

I guess it’s safe to say that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade right? Well, what about when bodybuilding BECOMES your life? Speaking from my own experiences thus far, as I have gotten deeper and deeper into this phenomenal building lifestyle, I have begun to crave it. Bodybuilding is at the forefront of my brain each and every day and night and is a huge part of my being. It keeps me sane. It is such a driving force in my mind. My weekends don’t start until I have hit the gym and my weekdays do not end until I have hit the gym. It’s just a given that I am going to the gym. Well, sometimes, life has a way of creeping in and causing a disturbance, especially when the gym becomes your “significant other”. Then, my friend, things can get pretty hairy. For those who don’t seem to understand the bodybuilder’s mindset, I’m sure it can be pretty frustrating. People see you as this one track, single-minded person whose is shallow, extremely vane and whose only focus is “self”. However, in order to be dedicated to your bodybuilding passion, or any passion, you have to portray some of those beliefs in order to accomplish your goals. Negatives can break you if you give into them, so you don’t because . . . well, that’s just the way you’re wired. 

You actually need to have someone in your life with the same concept of training in order to ensure cohesiveness, because as you build, you find similar attractions to physiques who build as well. The mind seems to gravitate toward what’s attractive to the naked eye and if bodybuilding is your world, then you want that world to be filled with like-minded people who can live in your world because they truly understand it. 

What about when life throws you a curve ball and all hell breaks loose? For some, it would put the brakes on progress and place the focus on the problems. It would be understandable to feel helpless and fearful in the beginning, and would be even more expected to want to climb into a shell and hide, while burying all of that discomfort in hopes of it passing. But bodybuilding is not just a mechanism for developing muscles it is also a great teacher for developing strength through adversity. You train your body, but you also train your mind; therefore, the deeper the pain, the harder you train. In doing so, you not only work through some of the curves thrown at you, but you also start to see the fruits of your labor because of it. There is absolutely no motivation to push for a great workout when discomfort in life has come to your door. However, the key is breaking through the clouds and remembering the ultimate goal and how it feels when you move toward it.       

So, it was a typical day, filled with your normal everyday stuff…work, stress, life, you know. So I spend my entire day getting mentally prepared for this evening, cause it’s Tuesday, my first day of 6 training sessions for the week. I’m prepared, I know I’m working bi’s and tri’s, I can’t wait. Well, finally, it’s time to go train, I drive for 1 hour and as I approach my turn, my heart starts racing…I’m there, I’m about to pick up that heavy cold iron and heat my muscles until they are practically seared. So I turn into the parking lot, and I see 2 cars, a blackened gym and a neatly typed note on the front doors. I think to myself, OMG!! NOOOOOO, then I think damn, did they really do this?  So I get out of the truck and I read the sign, and sure enough, CLOSED, directing all members to the Gold’s Gym across the highway. Well, at this point, I’m feeling like I’m in a nightmare right about now, just in disbelief. I was a member forever, and WOW, they just screwed us all, no word, no warning, nothing. So I get back in my truck and as I am about to leave, I see the manager peeping out. He looked like a scared rat, hoping that I was gone. When our eyes met, I motioned for him to open the door. When he did, I politely asked “what the hell”? He was very defensive and snippety.

After putting him in his place for being an ass, I left and headed across the highway to the Gold’s Gym. I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach because my house of muscle worship had just thrown me away. For a quick second, I saw my progress going down the drain and I started to become a little depressed. I sat in the truck and contemplated what to do. I then got out and went in. It was like a different world, so high tech, neat, clean, HUGE, and inviting. It seemed that all of us Powerhouse folks were expected and we were greeted with openness and enthusiasm. For a minute, I thought, well, I’m pissed, I think I’ll just go home. Then after going back to my vehicle, I realized that whether I trained today or not, eventually, I will have to deal with the transition anyway, so what better time than now, besides, I was sooooo pumped about training, why should I let a closed door keep me from my goals. At that moment, I went back in, gym bag and water jug in hand and I proceeded to find my way.

Long story short, it turned out to be a very positive experience. I had a great workout … and a new breed staring at me when I lift and walk through the gym, it was awesome, lol. I realized that not only had I been displaced from what I’ve known and become accustomed to, there were hundreds of others who had experienced the same fate. The greatest part … we were all in the same boat together, having to accept the change together. As I started to let it all sink in, I looked around and thought, this is going to be fantastic, even better than what I knew. I began to see it as a new beginning, with new surroundings, bigger and better challenges and another step closer to the stage.  One door closed today but that window of opportunity welcomed me and I climbed through it.

Okay, so today guys, I’m back to quads. I’ve had a really powerful workout all week so far. I still have Saturday and Sunday til I’m done, then I start it all over again next Tuesday. Training 6 days a week has really been great for my progress. Most of my gains started to show after I increased my workout days from 4 to 6. What makes this week so powerful … my eyes are open and I can see that as I venture through this amazing journey of muscle, I am in tuned to what my body enjoys and what it doesn’t. As I increase the weight, even if just a tiny increment, my muscles are challenged. My entire body has experienced increased strength. I can see and feel it responding to resistance, and because I push through it, I am rewarded with a little more size and definition. I am working extremely hard to build upon what I already have and push it to whatever limits are there for me.

So the quads … well, an example of an increment, 20 pounds for 4 reps and I hit 750 in seated squats today. Last year, my big goal was to reach 500 lbs. Here I am one year later, 250 lbs past that goal. People ask me all the time “how far will you go”. To answer that question would be to limit my potential. It’s like this, as I reach a goal, I have to set a new one; and also, for me, once I reach a goal, I can no longer fall short of it … meaning, hitting 750 will cause me to have to push to at least 750 each quad workout. I figure if I hit it once, I can hit it again. I will continue to up the anti until my body lets me know it’s had enough. So far, although it’s heavy as hell, and it hurts, I am strong enough to push it. It is true that I don’t see the muscle all the time. I am my own worse critic and I am my biggest challenge.

People tell me all the time that I have grown monstrously, an awesome compliment. I can’t see it; however, my measurements and weight are proof that it’s true. So who knows, maybe one day, I’ll take David Banner’s place as ‘the incredible hulk’ GRRRRR!!

No, not lost weight, but gained lifts.  Say it with me people “SQUATS”, yeah, I am now at 730 for 4 reps.  Are you cheering…are you clapping? I am, it feels great.  I’ll pay for it in the morning when I can barely lift my legs to walk. I tell you, walking out of the gym was like walking in quicksand, I had to laugh at myself, lol. The frustration was mainly from work, traffic and at times, everyday life.  The energy I had came from my Lipo 6 dosage taken too close together and having double the energy that I usually do when I train. It was actually a pretty weirded out feeling, so what better way to burn off all of that energy, than to work quads. It’s about the biggest muscle group there is and takes the most out of me. Who knew I would end up increasing the weight. I know 10 lbs more may not sound like a lot, but try pushing 720 after having done 6 sets and see if 10 lbs make a difference, I bet it will, lol, especially when the 720 mark was only reached a couple of weeks ago. I’m so tired guys, I can’t write much more, but I can tell you, that weird energy feeling I had, has left the building. I’m about ready to hit the shower and then hit the sack. 
By the way, I have taken a few measurements:
 
Quads – 30”; Biceps – 16.5” (relaxed) 17”( flexed); Chest w/lats – 48”;; Calves – 17”; Waist – 34”; Forearms – 13”; Neck – 16”

Some have changed, some haven’t. I need to weigh since I haven’t in a couple of months. I can almost bet the weight has increased, since my thighs have, lol. Scales are still hard for me, the number drives me crazy, but as long as I can drill it in my head that “muscle weighs more than fat”, I usually can get on and not cry when I get off, LOL.  Take care my babies, I’m out.

So here I am, 1 year and 9 months into my quest and I am developing at lightening speed. I am so psyched and so hungry for this, til I just can’t stand it. I don’t think there has ever been a time that I’ve been so on fire for something so bad. I eat, sleep, breathe, think, dream, bodybuilding, and always trying to figure out how I can take it to the next level. I don’t think there is a person on this planet who desires this awesome way of life more than me. I feel alive for the first time, all because I have ventured into the unknown and found the biggest part of myself, a part I never even knew existed. Tell me, have you ever been that deep into the muscle? Have you ever hungered for more to the point of becoming ravenous?  Well, my friends, I’m there. I can’t build fast enough, it makes me crazy. . . and when I see a bodybuilder with 15 plus years of experience over my 1 and 9 months, I get really anxious and sometimes even bummed because I want 15 years right now. I am like an infant who has been in a cocoon most of its life. . . and now, just born, breathing new air and viewing its surroundings with new eyes.

Along this journey, I have surprised myself in many ways, but mainly with my strength. People tell me all the time how strong I am, how powerful I am. I shrug it off but when I really stop to think about it, it sort of scares me, only because I became so strong, so quickly. I honestly believe that the power I’ve acquired comes from sheer drive and hunger. I want to be the most muscular, most feminine, most sexy, most powerful strong woman that could ever grace a stage and I won’t stop until I’m dead. . . and even then, I’ll be pumping iron in Heaven, lol. One of my greatest rewards is getting through a difficult workout and looking in that mirror and seeing a reflection of a well tuned body in the making. . . see, I did that!  I made that! I fought for it and sweat for it, day in and day out and I have slowly created a monster. I LOVE IT!!  My ultimate goal is to set foot on stage someday and blow them all to smithereens with my size, power, and symmetry. But for now, I am loving this journey and I hope you continue to walk it with me.

Hi guys. Yesterday I took the opportunity to attend the Alabama NPC prejudging and competition. This was the first time I had gone to a competition. I had always been interested in seeing one live, but just never made the effort until now. First, let me say, I have great respect for all size bodybuilders and fitness types because I know how hard it is and how dedicated you have to be in this sport/lifestyle. From personal preference only, I am giving you my opinion of my experience.

Well, let me tell you, it was pretty interesting.  I found it to be exciting, at the same time, I was a little disappointed in the size of the competitors. . . they were just too small for my tastes, lol. Even the “heavyweights” were smaller than I expected. There were the fitness/figure girls, who really did not hold my attention since that is not my thing, . . then, there were the “lightweights, light-heavyweights, etc.  A few competitors I found to be of good size though. One was a female in the heavyweight division, who I thought was awesome in size and routine but wouldn’t you know it, she was the ONLY one in her weight class which gave her an automatic win, lol.  Immediately, I imagined myself up there, blowing her away in performance, size and taking that trophy, lol. There was also a handful of male competitors who had great size in the heavyweight division, one being an older man, looked to be in his mid 60’s but had the body of a 20 year old. Maybe because I have gotten accustomed to seeing the big time guys like Ronnie Coleman, Markus Ruhl, Collette Guimond, Jana Linke-Sippl, etc., I was expecting much bigger. Of course, I am not ignorant to think that the people I just named didn’t have a little help from a much controversial friend the “steroid”; however, when I think HUGE, I think of those body types. The experience was the most fun and it was pretty exciting for me, to be in the midst of what I love so much. In Alabama, there just doesn’t seem to be a lot of bodybuilders hanging around but yesterday, I saw a great deal. Bummer is, they are spread out all over the State, so it’s seldom that I see any in my area.

The audience offered bigger bodies than what I saw on stage. That alone was exciting for me. There was this one girl who I couldn’t keep my eyes off of.  She looked a lot like Debbie Bramwell. Her body was bangin’ and I thought, OMG, that’s me, that’s what I am striving for, but BIGGER, LOL. I thought she had awesome arms and quads but my sister told me that my arms and quads were bigger than hers. I mentioned to my sister that I just couldn’t see it, She then said to me, “ I think you have reverse anorexia because how can you not see your size.”   UPDATE: The Debbie Bramwell lookalike was indeed Debbie Bramwell. I later learned that she has moved to Alabama to be with her significant other, AMAZING, and I got an upclose look at them both actually, WOW! 

The best thing about attending this competition was. . . I was in my element. I could actually see myself up on that stage entertaining that audience with the most dramatic music, muscles on top of muscles giving them the most jaw-dropping experience of their lives. It doesn’t matter to me if I win or even place, I just want to get up there some day and stun them all. 

This experience solidifies my desires to build and accomplish my transformations beyond belief. There is no turning back, I am on my way.  Keep up with me guys, and someday soon, you will see me gracing somebody’s stage. 

WOW!! What can I say, “oops, I did it again”.  I not only got my 10 lbs, but I got an additional 20, LOL.   YOOOOWWWWW!!  I am so excited, I am screaming here.  It’s absolutely fantastic.  BTW, for those of you who don’t have a clue what I am getting at, I reached 720 lbs for 4 reps, squats.  You don’t believe me?  Come to my neck of the woods and watch me train baby, I’ll show you.  Bring it on.

It’s awesome being strong, challenging yourself and surpassing the goals you only thought you’d reach. For me, it all started within, focusing and believing I could accomplish anything with time, and I have and I am, and it’s good.  So, where do I go from here? Nowhere short of up.  I can’t quit now, I have to outdo myself, lol. I am still growing and I am still enjoying every inch.  My next step is to slow it down some and start really concentrating on my diet and water intake.  I also want to concentrate more on building up my camel humps and bowling balls.  I have the size even now, but I want to striate more.  It’s just that, I am like a ‘crack baby’ with putting on the muscle and size, I can’t stop, I can’t get enough, I want more and more and more. Why can’t there be more women like me, who are not afraid to let their body jump out and kick ass.  It’s so liberating to not have a care in the world when people roll their eyes at you and to see men in the gym, act as if they hate you because you are stronger than they are.  I’ll tell you something funny, to see a woman actually bend her boney ass over in front of you hoping to turn you on because she thinks you may be gay since you lift heavy like a man and have big muscles, it’s hilarious.  Even if I were, she would have to be fine, muscled and thick, because I would only pick my teeth with skin and bones. LOL.  But, to each its own, I’m sure my look is not popular with many either, and I’m okay with that.   I’m happy with what I’m doing and all I’m accomplishing and I love sharing it with you guys.  I welcome your progress as well because you inspire me too. 

One thing I am thinking of doing. . . entertaining the idea of a competition, but no time soon. I still have a long way to go. . . it’s just a thought.  If you know me, you’d know I was not interested in competing, but now. . . I am starting to at least think about it.  I plan to go to the Ms. Olympia in Vegas next month, since I’ve never seen a show.  I think it would be an amazing experience for me, plus I get to hang out with my BFF who lives there.  Okay now, let’s go celebrate, I need a beer, I deserve it, lol.

You know what makes training for some differ from the training of others?  I’ll tell you. . . it’s POWER OF THE MIND.  Think about it, no matter what is going on in your life, when you come into that gym, your focus must shift and be concentrated on the muscle.  That is the difference in both making gains and preventing injury.  I have had many people ask me, “what are you on”, you seem to grow so fast, you have to be taking something, I don’t grow like that”.  My response is, who needs roids, when determination, drive and focus build just as big. The secret is. . .  I am in the muscle and I visualize its growth with optimal results.  A bunch of mumble jumble to say this. . . when you train, truly CONCENTRATE. . . get inside the body part you are working, peal back the layers of skin and look at the tendons and muscle fibers as your lifts pump them full with blood, like a well oiled machine;  squeeze, feel the muscle contract,  slowly repeat each movement watching that muscle grow and expand.  A little deep for your taste?  Well, it shouldn’t be because it works. There is no need for me to be on anything since my overall mindset has produced my gains.   When I’m in the gym, I’m all business.  I have no time for play, lots of chit-chat or gawking at the other guy, it’s my time and it’s all about me, my muscles, my body.

The power of the mind is amazing guys, it has helped me in my quest so much, I can’t even put it into words.  I don’t listen to a lot of noise about nothing, because if this is truly important, whether you want to look like a Mac truck, or a delicate flower, you have to make it your business and be dedicated to doing the work without fail.  There is no place for motivation in this venture; although, when it’s there, it helps magnify the intensity; however, when it’s gone, that intensity and drive still has to carry on if you intend to seek the optimal results.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about what people think of my body, the important thing is how it makes ME feel, because I am the one who has to wear it and keep it in tip top shape.  Until others have walked in my shoes, paid my bills, and fixed my meals, the outside noise is just noise.

That mindset also helps to bring you into the next level of your training because you are no longer focused on what the world says about you.  Whatever your goals, follow through, challenge your self and keep reaching further and higher, and before you know it, you are there and it feels good.  But you can’t stop there, when that goal is accomplished, you’ve really just begun.  It is now time to push for the next goal, the next venture into this world of muscle. . . first created. . . by the mind.

Today, without any thought to going up in squats, I ended up shocked and elated.  When I say without any thought, I literally mean, I had no idea. After injuring my back on Thursday, when like a dunce I grabbed a 45 lb plate too quickly while not having a strong enough grip and catching it before it hit the floor, I had no clue as to how my workout would go today.  It just happened to be “quad day” and I was not going to deviate from my routine.  Well, I’m not good with counting in my head when it comes to adding up the weights on the rack.  All I saw was a bunch of 45’s on both sides and not quite sure where I was in all of this. I had already gotten through about 7 sets so I knew I was nearing the end.  Well, I was aware that I had at least 600 lbs loaded, but I wasn’t positive, so I decided to put on a few more pounds and just get through it. My back was feeling pretty good and I was in the zone.  After finishing my lifts and working hams and abs, I came home, got the calculator and added up the amount of weight.  I literally SCREAMED with excitement because not only was I sort of down and injured when I left home to go train, I realized that my desire and dedication caused me to triumph even through pain, bringing me to hitting 680 lbs. for 4 reps.  Usually, I just increase in 5 to 10 pound increments, but because I couldn’t add the numbers in my head today, lol, I jumped 30 lbs, holy ****.  And they say, “knowledge is power”. . .