So yep, I’m tired. Determined and disciplined, but definitely tired. So much for the unbridled amounts of energy I thought I’d have. I’m hoping this is just an initial setback, as my body gets used to this type of new living. It must be … right? I also found out that my mother has Emphysema last night, which doesn’t help my state of mind. It’s just an overall kind of blah day today. The office is buzzing with energy from people who are well rested from their vacations and I’m just sort of … hiding!! I’m hoping the yoga class tonight will help me wind down and stretch out a bit. Did just 20 minutes of HIIT this morning before work, so feel a bit … incomplete. BUT if 20 minutes is all I could squeeze in, at least it was HIIT and hopefully fried some fat.

I am at a bit of a loss on the eating thing though. I have heard from plenty of sources now that I need to increase the amount of food I eat since I mostly hover around 1300-1400 calories per day, but I just am unsure how I’m supposed to squeeze more food down when I’m not that hungry? I just recently started adding mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks such as yoghurt, fruit and a protein bar so adding even more feels a bit monumental. Any advice you guys (esp those who battled similar problems; lack of hunger) can give would be helpful!

 I’m also scratching my head how to incorporate some of the more spiritual stuff in my life; like yoga, meditation and all that. Sometimes in reading either yoga-minded websites, or this one, it feels very exclusive - as if one lifestyle has to exclude the other. I’d like to merge a high fitness lifestyle with a more calm, centered yoga lifestyle, but unsure how to squeeze in that much (1.5 hours weights and cardio, AND an hour yoga??) into a week on a daily or every-other-day basis … I also enjoy the peace of mind that comes from yoga and meditation; not getting so hung up on outward appeareances and instead working on the body to simply feel good and be balanced. I’ll keep looking …

Ok, I’m out. I need a nap …

I started my food and workout log today. I’m a clean eater, and it seems my daily calorie intake hovers around 1300-1500 calories per day. Lately, since I started working out again, I’m not really seeing the weight come off like I’d like, though I do see a difference in muscle tone and shape. I know muscle weighs more than fat, but with the rather large calorie deficit I have, shouldn’t I see more weight come off?

I’ve suffered from it too, and from time to time, still do. I am after all a mom of 2 small kids, and have not had the best self-discipline in the world to get back to the shape I was in "back then". No doubt in my mind that I’ll get there eventually, but I’m nowhere near there yet.

 Anyway … as I’m reading all these posts, looking through various photographs and getting re-acquainted with the world of fitness and muscle, I find myself half inspired and half saddened. The half that is inspiring is that I have found postings from people who truly want to reach their goals, fight their obstacles and improve their lives, and the other half simply want validation, props and ego-feeding about how hot they are. Some pics seem more like they belong … well, elsewhere.

I almost fell into that trap too; post more "sexy" pics, more "hot" pics … less "real life", or "me in motion" pics. I was tempted to upload all those photos where I truly looked my best, or where I looked "on". Then, as I found other profiles, who really showed their true self - through the good and bad, I got inspired again. I realized … this isn’t about looking your best/hottest/sexiest, and competing for most comments. It’s about the progress you make, and the encouragement you get from those supporting you on here. It’s about keeping it REAL.

 That said, again … for those simply encouraging me as I embark on this road of shedding mama-fat layers … PLEASE keep em coming! I need all the positive reinforcement I can get!!

 It’s been three weeks now since I got my regimen from Ilona, and while everything is getting easier already, the cardio is a challenge. 2.5 hours per week is tough to squeeze in, especially when I’m working harder than ever and staying late in the office seems to come easier than leaving and heading to the gym. I have time for the hour of weight training I do, but then adding that extra half hour of cardio is the kicker. Kids are waiting for dinner, husband is texting me, wondering where I am, and work is piling up. Is this all worth it, I wonder?? Then, I clench my teeth and step on the treadmill and break into a job. Ten minutes later, as the sweat is pouring and the music is pounding, I know it is. I just have to keep remembering … the beginning is the hardest part of the journey!!