The Body I Deserve (July 17 2008)
These past few days, my training sessions wasn’t great, and my eating habit was on a roller coaster. There were days, I was eating lean, and there were days, I just don’t care. Why? I’ve been asking myself that question while driving to work everyday, and after the gym. What exactly is my motivation for being fit? What is the drive, the motivation in me when I was fat, compared to now? It’s until today, that I finally accept the fact that I’m working on the body that I deserve for myself, for my health, and not for bringing back a past relationship with someone. I see this person every Sundays at Mass. I workout daily just to be sure I’m in a good shape for Sunday. I want to hear "I want you back" from the person. But I did not get what I want to hear. It suck! Yesterday, I felt extremely lonely, and I just ate and ate. I started to beat myself up with internal conversations, "Why bother working out, no one is going to look at you", and "you’ll neverget the body you want, no matter how hard you work at it."
I’ve realized that if I don’t exercise and eat lean, then I will never attract a relationship that I want, I will never have the energy for things I want to do in my life. I will be fat and ugly, and sick. I’ll be one of those people you work with, that popped pills for high-blood pressure and other things, when they’re only 41 years old. I rather hear, "Wow, you look great" or, "Wow, you were born with a good looking body".
I am back on track working on the Body That I Deserve, God bless!
