Frustration..
I am having the absolute most miserable day I could possibly imagine, and no one to share that with besides myself.. so, I figure writing about it might help relieve some of the built up frustration.
Let’s see, for starters, I’ve now had a binge eating episode for the past 2 nights in a row.. I’ve eaten anything and everything I could get into me at one time - most of it BAD foods. I can’t stand living at home another minute. I’m miserable, absolutely miserable. At the same time, I’m not at a place to move out, just yet. So, I sit at home all day and night because I have ZERO friends (when you eat, sleep, and train like us.. other people in their young 20’s don’t understand and want nothing to do with you) and watch my family eat junk 24/7. And I’ll be fine ALL day long, but come the middle of the night when I wake-up, I can’t stop myself.. I go into the kitchen and clean it out. I keep telling myself it’s because it’s Thanksgiving and there’s an overabundance of junk, not to mention that it’s the first holiday season without the man I spent the last 5 years of my life with, whom I’d planned on marrying. And I’m also enjoying the wonderful benefits of added bodyfat: period’s back and in full swing for the 2nd time this year, so who knows what that’s doing with me. But SERIOUSLY, I’m so miserable I just want to pass out for the remainder of the day and wake-up, tomorrow.
The only thing I want to do is train, but it’s an off-day.. therefore, I’ve got nothing to do. I’m about to do some cardio of some sort because it’ll keep me busy and kill some of the extra 5,000+ calories I’ve taken in over the past 48 hours. Sure, I’m still in the off-season, but that’s ZERO excuse to go THAT overboard. And precontest is literally RIGHT around the corner.. like Dec. 17th!! And I think that scares me more than anything. The last time I made an attempt at precontest dieting, I was so moody that I had to quit because I wasn’t about to lose a great job over my lack of carb intake.
My trainer is out of town for the week, and by out of town I mean out of the freakin’ country and in another continent.. so, I don’t have him to go to. My family doesn’t understand. The only people who get me are all of you…and you’re not even "real". I just don’t know what to do…..but I’m not giving up! Tomorrow’s a new day, not to mention a new week. I’ve got this
November 29, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I’m REAL - just sounds like you are going thru the holiday blues to me - can you get outside and maybe take walk? And I totally understand the moodiness that comes with ‘dieting’ you just have to hang on and have faith that you’ll feel better tomorrow, or the next day. It will happen! Try not to beat yourself up so much!
November 29, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I’m REAL - just sounds like you are going thru the holiday blues to me - can you get outside and maybe take walk? And I totally understand the moodiness that comes with ‘dieting’ you just have to hang on and have faith that you’ll feel better tomorrow, or the next day. It will happen! Try not to beat yourself up so much!
November 29, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Sorry to hear about your day. I’m new to this website and have never blogged before, so bare with me.
I have been a cop for 12 years but never took fitness seriously until I got injured. Now its all or nothing. I’m saying this in order to say I’ve been there. The ups and downs of "battle" a stressful to say the least. No mater what the battle is. I would suggest to find that one thing that gets you motivated and think on that. Do your cardio, throw on some comfy cloths and go see a movie. Let you mind veg to help you clear your thoughts and lose yourself for a couple of hours. I know going to the movies alone sounds lame (been there too) but there are no refrigarators around. Good luck, keep your chin up, remember we are never confronted with a battle we cannot win you just have to define what winning is for you.
PS. The guy you were dating for 5 years was foolish from the looks of your photos.
November 29, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Agree with the cop up above on your ex. Sorry to hear your havin such a shitty time. I don’t have too much support from my fam as well, as they keep sayin Im too skinny and then they try to feed me over n over. I guess if your not plum, somethings wrong…Whatever, I do this for myself and no one else. Im still rootin for ya, so you can win that photo shoot. You got a great attitude, don’t let te blues drag ya down. And I live alone, that ain’t that much better than with family and depression has set in many times before. So I drank a lot, ate a lot, ****ed up many more times. Now I got my new fitness life, guitar skills, and my bike to keep me busy. Plus I love this website and BSing away with all the ‘real’ people. ShanBL’s blogs are many times funny to read and I always visit her blog to see whats new. Not saying to do that, but it brings a laugh or too someimes. Okay, now im just babbling. Cheer up! heres a quick joke:
Two blondes walk into a building. You think one of them would have seen it?…
November 30, 2008 at 5:42 pm
it’ll be ok
everyone one of us goes through this crap….well i don’t have to deal with the period thing but everything else lol. I can’t imagine living at home and trying to contest diet, I’m perfectly fine by myself dieting, i just don’t buy the crap, i’m not even tempted, but when it’s already bought and sitting in the kitchen it’s a different story. And it sucks because i love my family….they’re the only support i have really, but they don’t make allowances for my diet. Last year when i was contest prepping i went home once all semester and i was miserable and eventually failed on my prep because i simply had no one to support me with it and when i broke there was no one there to stop me.
and boy do i know about people our age on the whole not having a clue….all they want to do is go out and drink and party, they have no goals for themselves and no self discipline. Never thought i’d get to college and be so alone. i’m just like you, very little in the way of friends too.
ugh and off days suck ass don’t they…..i get depressed on sundays cuz i can’t train lol
December 2, 2008 at 9:40 am
Hey cutie pie! I definately feel your pain; hang in there though. You have done such a marvelous job with yourself. Just know that you are human and these things happen. I’m totally alone in the fitness game as well. I was totally shocked that for the first time in my 42 yrs. I was able to "just say NO" to Thanksgiving food. I ate clean and cursed anyone in my family that pressured me! And hey, you’ve got ME now! I’m definately REAL so remember that! I’m here to chat whenever you feel the urge.
As for the young man…been there too (in my early 20’s) so I know how it feels. Hang in there, keep your head up and always remember that "this too shall pass!" It’s his loss!! You already look and seem to be a wonderful person to me and hell, I’ve only "known" you for a couple of days!
Call on me anytime sweetie,
Ty~
December 2, 2008 at 9:54 am
i feel for you, but damn doesnt it feel good to vent sometimes? you ate the crap, you cant change it, JUST DONT DO IT ANYMORE. you got to live with the family? thats ok they eat the crap and do you want to look like them…use them as your motivation. someone on this site gave me the advice to let your haters be your motivators and those are words i live by. the boyfriend, you know he is missing you soooo much!!! btw, i just pinched myself and i am real
December 2, 2008 at 10:42 am
Keep your head up gorgeous! I did the EXACT same thing. I used the holiday as an excuse over eat and at the worst times (10 PM- 12PM) It was bad and I gained around 3lbs as a result. I wish I had better self control around the holidays because I know it takes so long to lose and so quick to gain the fat back! Keep your head up hun and we are all very real even though you can’t reach out and grab us. You look amazing, you are drop dead gorgeous and I know you are a good "friend"
Talk to you soon beautiful girl!
December 2, 2008 at 10:42 am
Keep your head up gorgeous! I did the EXACT same thing. I used the holiday as an excuse over eat and at the worst times (10 PM- 12PM) It was bad and I gained around 3lbs as a result. I wish I had better self control around the holidays because I know it takes so long to lose and so quick to gain the fat back! Keep your head up hun and we are all very real even though you can’t reach out and grab us. You look amazing, you are drop dead gorgeous and I know you are a good "friend"
Talk to you soon beautiful girl!
December 2, 2008 at 12:38 pm
hey girl! you are not alone and judging from all these responses no need to say We Are Real Ppl!!! with the same attitude towards life and fitness and thats what really matters. No one supports me in my family we have cakes baked every single day big feasts i lose weight and i gain it casue of them they are no support at all but whenever i visit this site i get motivated to keep fighting the obese person in me, i dont have any friends either anymore everybody gets busy and arfter a while you realise you are all by yourself but it doent bother me cause things change! always! as for the guy been there done that cried like hell ate liek a pig got depressed lonely miserable but im tired of that too now. Dreaming of a new hunk feels alot better then remembering a jerk! and you are not alone, link up whenever you feel like talking or babbling or whwtaever
January 11, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Maria, I hope you are doing better now!
March 11, 2009 at 9:53 am
the life style of a 20year old bodybuilder. . i admire you… .. keep your eyes on the prize.. i know its a late comment but, you get the point…