moliva1015’s BodyBlog

I am having the absolute most miserable day I could possibly imagine, and no one to share that with besides myself.. so, I figure writing about it might help relieve some of the built up frustration.

Let’s see, for starters, I’ve now had a binge eating episode for the past 2 nights in a row.. I’ve eaten anything and everything I could get into me at one time - most of it BAD foods. I can’t stand living at home another minute. I’m miserable, absolutely miserable. At the same time, I’m not at a place to move out, just yet. So, I sit at home all day and night because I have ZERO friends (when you eat, sleep, and train like us.. other people in their young 20’s don’t understand and want nothing to do with you) and watch my family eat junk 24/7. And I’ll be fine ALL day long, but come the middle of the night when I wake-up, I can’t stop myself.. I go into the kitchen and clean it out. I keep telling myself it’s because it’s Thanksgiving and there’s an overabundance of junk, not to mention that it’s the first holiday season without the man I spent the last 5 years of my life with, whom I’d planned on marrying. And I’m also enjoying the wonderful benefits of added bodyfat: period’s back and in full swing for the 2nd time this year, so who knows what that’s doing with me. But SERIOUSLY, I’m so miserable I just want to pass out for the remainder of the day and wake-up, tomorrow.

The only thing I want to do is train, but it’s an off-day.. therefore, I’ve got nothing to do. I’m about to do some cardio of some sort because it’ll keep me busy and kill some of the extra 5,000+ calories I’ve taken in over the past 48 hours. Sure, I’m still in the off-season, but that’s ZERO excuse to go THAT overboard. And precontest is literally RIGHT around the corner.. like Dec. 17th!! And I think that scares me more than anything. The last time I made an attempt at precontest dieting, I was so moody that I had to quit because I wasn’t about to lose a great job over my lack of carb intake.

My trainer is out of town for the week, and by out of town I mean out of the freakin’ country and in another continent.. so, I don’t have him to go to. My family doesn’t understand. The only people who get me are all of you…and you’re not even "real". I just don’t know what to do…..but I’m not giving up! Tomorrow’s a new day, not to mention a new week. I’ve got this